The Blind Date

The blind date

I told mom I'll come home,
I will visit my blind date
I just met him on facebook,
We talked online every day

Told my friends he's cute
So sweet and lovable person,
He wants to meet tonight
I will be back home at 9 o'clock.

My parents have agreed,
But my friends never will
They said, "it's dangerous"
I never listened to them

One night in a hotel room
I stood there alone,
He was wearing a black jacket
He wanted to take my clothes off

I refused and said, "NO"
He pushed me on the floor
Kicked me and pull me up
I screamed and flailed

He's hands on my mouth
Ripping my back shirt off,
Put a belt around my neck
I wanted him to stopped,

While he takes pleasures,
I didn't want to die that night
Please I want to speak to my
Mom and dad,

Told me, "Just shut up"
He wanted to kill me,
Beated me up to death
I asked him, "Can you let me live?"

I didn't say my goodbyes,
He left my body on bed
A ductape on my mouth,
A rope tied around my wrist

Later police found me,
They said, "I'm already dead"
No this can't be true,
I wish I had never visited him

I cried myself to sleep
I couldn't believe I'm dead
All I want to say,
Mom and dad I love you...

Reviews

[TheLatteDog]

A couple things don't sound right to me. For instance:

So sweet and lovable person

and

I wanted him to stopped

Other then that I thought it was pretty good. I don't mean to offend you or anything, it's just my opinion.

[Cyndy Robinson]

Really gripping, and haunting and real. I love it, a situation captured in a picture!

[747]

This is terribly sad, but unfortunately does happen.
You've painted an excellent picture, though you seem to be missing the odd word which disrupts your flow a bit.
EX: "So sweet and lovable person," should be edited to something like "A sweet and lovable person," or "So sweet, and a loveable person,"

Just a few places like that. Otherwise it looks pretty great!

[Lost & Lonely]

chilling.... yet I couldn't stop reading. sadly this ending is true for online dates and you captured that very well.

[justdandy]

I love it. A ghost, right?? Good job..