Echoes of You

~Echoes of You~

Your ghost hides in corners of our wrinkled sheets

reaching out transparent hands to grasp at my foolishness.

I've never enjoyed swimming naked in guilt's sea - 

It leaves me dripping remorse.

It seems, death's formidable grip can trump a full hand 

of indifference every time.

The mundane, repetitious days of our existence

held me in perspective as one

too ambivalent to shake his disembodied shoulders. 

The scent of your demise to me seemed innocuous -

fleeting, and unable to bloom;

But, flowers - I've discovered - are fragile things 

that in a short period of time

will die from the slightest chill.

And I...unbelievably -

immersed in my neglectful, narrow corner -

unable to sympathize or relate to simple needs -

never noticed at all -

your petals -

falling one by one.

How often have men picked their flower in life only to ignore her later through the trials of marriage? Her tears like petals have fallen. Now, through her absence, he realizes too late, what he has done: Disregarded and Ignored his soul mate.

Your thoughts are always welcome.

Author's Note

Note to self: Changed the picture and a couple of words.


A quick note:

~~This is by far my most popular poem. And yet, it didn't start that way. Many young people are offended by advice or suggestions from others. They feel insulted that someone would critique their writing.

As for me, I came here not just to share my writing but to learn as well. If it wasn't for suggestions from Rick Puetter and Girl Friday (see below) I don't think the poem would have been as good. The poet Richard also helped me fine tune the poem and it is now--after all these years--(in my mind) complete.

We can always learn from other people as long as we know they have more experience and know-how than us.~~

Reviews

[Lyn Anderson]

This is an exceptionally beautiful and insightful piece. One of the reasons I believe it is so important to say "I love you" and hug often while people are alive. Make up and move on. If you dwell in hurt, it will be too late to fix it one day. As for the format of the poem, it fits the theme and it is very emotive.

[Relic]

Thank you very much KL.

[rhythm&blues]

Awe inspiring read, this happens so frequently, well written.

[Relic]

Thanks so much for the review.

[Matt Sayer]

Damn! This is just incredible! The untended garden of beauty and love withers with the inexorable onslaught of time, but at such glacial speeds that the entropy can slip by unnoticed. When awareness finally dawns, it is often too late, and the flora has shriveled beyond the saving of life's wellspring and the sunny beams of true affection.

There are so many fantastic lines here, but my favourite would have to be "But death's formidable grip
can trump a full hand of indifference each time." Mortality on the horizon is enough to motivate the most stubborn of us. Excellent work! :)

[Relic]

Your review sounds a lot more intelligent than the poem Matt. haha I don't think I'll be able to top this review. Thanks so much.

[David Scott]

You pen a lesson Relic. This is a sad but true observation of the failure to "husband" those we "claim" as our own flesh... Women do this same thing, but it is somehow more prevalent or more punishing in the masculine observation.
This poem is far reaching and you pen with a educated talent.
Great write!

[Relic]

Well stated review. Thank you very much David.

[icelandicblue]

This poem is both deep and heavy. We don't always realize the flower is dying, it holds its beauty for so long, until it is suddenly a dry husk and there is no way to revive it. It is a bitter lesson to learn; that there are not always second chances. You use your allusions to death throughout the poem and they work quite well and are not overdone, you sprinkle them lightly but effectively. This is a beautiful and poignant piece of poetry.

[Relic]

I like the way you explained that. Thanks for the review.

[Muse]

Reading this again reminds me of how talented you truly are. You wear your heart on your sleeve, but that's why there's so much feeling behind your writings. When is the last time you wrote a poem???? I miss it...please start writing poetry again...I feel you have not tapped into your soul for awhile. Your muses will despise you for this if you ignore the voices for too long. Surely they talk to you? What do they tell you?

[Relic]

They tell me "What are you looking at me for, I can't think of anything either?" haha I started something the other day. It will take a while before I post again. I've been impulsive in the last chapter of my writing. I want to take a new approach. I'll post gain, I just don't want to put a date on it. Thanks for your words.

[Muse]

Will be looking for it. My RR's are off, so just say when.

[Relic]

Okay, I'll let you know.

[ms. barrie]

Amazing poem, with incredible choice of words, depicting whispers of longings,
And haunting regrets. Very profound...
Brilliant fluidty and rhyming scheme. Thanks for sharing :)

[Chloe..Across the Unive..]

This is really sad too often it happens to lose someone to death would be harder than losing in "general"...i like the metaphor's and the structure of this . These words certainly do touch a person

[Relic]

Thanks so much Chloe.

[Chloe..Across the Universe]

You are welcome my pleasure

[Joyce S. Greene]

This is a fantastic poem, Relic. I am in awe of your talent. Your images are incredibly tender - I loved every word and only wish I could give you the 100 points you have earned. Bravo!

[Relic]

Thank you so much, I appreciate your review.

[Wallflower]

Full circle.

I enjoyed this, powerful description of pain and remorse. I especially like the closing lines, the imagery of petals falling ended the poem perfectly.

From a wallflower who has lost quite a few petals, it is comforting to see the other side; we never love in vain.

[Relic]

Tears don't discriminate I guess. I'm thankful you liked it and could identify with it, though in a way, I'm sorry too. You know what I mean by that. I appreciate the review.