The Ten Commandments of Writers Cafe.

Hope you enjoy them.

The Ten Commandments of WRITERS CAFE.

A Story by Relic

Okay reader, I know what you're thinking...

"He reached the number one spot on the popular page twice so he's trying to do it again. Watch, this is gonna suck. What an idiot. Wasn't he good one time?  

Well...for those of you who think I'm pompous, I can assure you I have no intentions of demanding any protocols for this site. In fact, if you really want to know, I've written each one of the following commandments with a grin on my face. :)

For the record, this is not a manifesto or declaration. Therefore, the discoverers of this site are not going to sign any documents with a quill-feathered pen while they stand around in those funny shoes that have a belt-buckle thing on the front of them. Nor are we going to fight the British over it. In fact, the Lord himself, in all probability, won't be lifting a finger to include them on any stone tablets he may create in the future.

Consider each one just a friendly and humorous suggestion I'm offering. 

If you care to read my other stories called Writers Cafe rules 1-10 or More Writers Cafe Rules 11-20, you'll find a few similar topics. Rest easy reader and see if you agree with any. 

               The 10 Commandments of Writers Cafe

NUMBER 1:  FRIEND REQUEST

I am a writer you have chosen to visit. You shall not ask for a friend's request without reviewing me first. (I speak for many here) The words "Good poem/Good story" will not suffice as a review. In addition, if you just write books and you didn't review anything of mine at all...well...what do you think I'm going to assume. Yup, something's up right? Move on my non-friend, I've been sprayed with a sufficient dose of  'I'm not stupid' repellant.

NUMBER 2: READ REQUEST OPTION

You shall not worry about closing your read request option for a given time.  You can't expect to read everything anyway. You have people to talk to, places to go and things to see...the hell with them if they can't take a joke.

NUMBER 3: HONEST OPINIONS

Remember to give an honest opinion in your reviews, provided you do them in a professional and friendly manner. If the writer does not approve/agree, his pen is his sword. Though judging by his/her work, that sword might be broke or rusty. Nevertheless, I digress. 

NUMBER 4: REVISIONS

Honor your revisions. You shall not post your work with typos throughout. For the reader it's like getting their shirt caught on a fence while strolling through the park. You don't want that do you? 

NUMBER 5: READ REQUESTS

You shall not send more than 2-3 read requests to a writer at a time, provided they are accepting them. If you never hear from them--pick a clue and move on, pal!

NUMBER 6: STALKING WOMAN

You shall not stalk or degrade woman/girls on Writers Cafe. Do it out on the street where it belongs. 

NUMBER 7: SELF-HELP

You shall not log out and go to your page over and over again in order to increase the amount of reads. (I see you over there. Stop that!) If you're desperate for reviews, you might as well do number 8. (See #8)

NUMBER 8: MULTIPLE ACCOUNTS

You shall not review your own work by way of your other multiple accounts. You could; you could even get into a conversation with all of you if you wanted to on a thread, but then you'd have to remember who you were and which one of you was talking to whom. You might even have to plan your next move. ("Should I wear my red shirt as Cedar Bark Sniffer or the blue one?")

NUMBER 9: YOU'VE BEEN BLOCKED

You shall not fret over being blocked by another writer. Accept it and move on. (Okay, that's a bunch of crap. Write a poem about seagull s**t that landed on the windshield of your car a while back but now it's gone. The metaphor will stand out like a sore thumb to your friends who know about the blocker. As for the other readers who aren't in on it, they'll just think you're talking about life in general and all its trials.) 

NUMBER 10: SELF-DEGRADATION

You shall not degrade yourself in your work or on your Bio. Let others do that. Seriously, though, you have worth here and the opportunity to learn...Sometimes.

Enjoy your time here and don't forget to tithe your thoughts.

 

 

Author's Note

Please remember this was done with a dose of humor. Thanks.

Reviews

[Baby Ricochet]

Thank you for the ten commandments on the WC. I will bear then in mind. I'm glad there was nothing on the list about the F bomb. I wouldn't be able to write at all if that were the case.

[Relic]

Didn't I add that? hahaha

[Rob Santana]

HI - LARIOUS!!! But it does actually make sense.

[Relic]

Thanks Creeper. It started out very serious but I thought that might be too preachy so I went for funny. Glad you liked it.

[CS]

I never understood the purpose of RR's. If you are on my friends list, then I will read your work if and when I want to. I don't need you to request that I read it. I turned mine completely off ages ago. I appreciated having it on when other writers would send me lesser known writers they had discovered and thought they needed more feedback. But it is used so dang recklessly around here, in my opinion. I had one lady RR me her whole entire collection of poetry one afternoon. That was the end for me and RR's.

#8 cracks me up! I love when I find those creepy clone accounts and they are in a full blown debate with their alter ego. It is better than dinner theater! I think the internet has the highest rate of multiple personality disorder I have ever seen!

#9- writers and their ego....god bless them.

Agree on all points. Amen and blessed be and so on and so forth.

Happy writing, my friend :)

[Relic]

People can get carried away with their RR's I know. I learned my lesson on that some years ago as well. I turn mine off after every ten, then when I'm ready I'll turn it back on. I keep it controlled. If anyone sends me their full library I'll cut them off. Glad you liked the others. This web world can be as nuts as the outside world for sure. Happy writing to you to. :)

[David the writer]

Good advice, it's the most valuable that I've read yet. Good job, I think I may actually follow some of these rules :D

[Relic]

Good luck Dracula :) And thanks.

[David the writer]

Same to you! And np

[PoeticVandal]

I would say good poem, but someone already beat me to it.
tut-tut

[Relic]

haha Thank you.

[Muse]

I agree with all of the above. And I concur with Frieda below...

Good poem.

acually I feel offended, may have to block you now. lol

[Relic]

Ahh, you won't block me will you crumb cake. :D Was it 6 that got to you? ha

[Muse]

yes lol yes

[Relic]

haha, and that made me laugh. But of course it's only a joke. I would never actually say that. :)

[Muse]

you are too soft...fury...and squooshy to be a threat....a real teddy bear. :))

[Relic]

Up your lady! hahahaha I'm going to PM you.

[Muse]

lol..I'm scared to ask what that is...are you slipping me a roofie?

[Relic]

hahaha Private Message.

[Frieda P]

Good poem.

[Relic]

haha, you're lucky you're a friend already. :D

[Frieda P]

You set yourself up for that one sweets! Two on the popular reading list, I just checked....BOOM! cheers. ;-P

[Relic]

I was a little hocked myself. Thanks. I'm sure you'll do the same soon if you haven't already. :)

[Frieda P]

Keep selling your soul to the devil, there'll be no room for us peons! ;-P

[Rob Santana]

Frieda is gonna get tossed into the lake of fire that Burns with sulfur for breaking the first commandment!!!

[Frieda P]

Hahaha been there...and Relic was doing laps! ;-P

[Rob Santana]

Hahahahahahahahahahahaha

[Frieda P]

Such an evil laugh you have!!

[Relic]

I agree Creeper. We must keep our distance from her when we're all in hell. haha I sold my soul to the devil and she said Good poem. We're both on our way down. :)

[Frieda P]

I doubt you get your own space in Hell hun, deal with it! ;-P

[Rob Santana]

S**t I'm already set up down south condo and everything!!!

[Frieda P]

Put on your big boy pants and get real Creeper!

[Relic]

Haha, As long a I can a snare drum and sticks I think i can probably entertain somewhere. If I'm lucky I'll end up with just a sun burn.

[Frieda P]

Forget about sunburn, I thought you were doing another one of these tasty morsels....

[Relic]

It didn't go over well. I shoved it to the last page. :(

[Frieda P]

I didn't even get to see it, send me an RR or the link...

[Relic]

Okay

[Jack Reaper]

oh how i laughed, yet a lot of it is so true. i cant tell you how many times ive gotten a friend request and then sent everything the person has written in read requests. this should really be required reading here.

[Relic]

I appreciate the review Jack, thank you.

[Shannen Forrester]

This made me smile, I would like to see more like this, but by the sounds of it you don't think anyone else will.

[Relic]

I don't think I will Shannon. :) Thanks and I'm so glad yo liked it.

[The Analog Kid]

You are a trip Tim. Glad to see you have a sense of humor. Also, the funny thing is some people will actually get jealous over the attention you have garnered as of late. Lastly, and sadly, she does violate number 8..LMAO!

[Relic]

haha, I know just who you're thinking of Pat and yes, she does. As for the jealousy, I don't care. I won't be writing as much anymore, just reviewing. Unless of course something pops up but, I don't know. Thanks Pat.

[The Analog Kid]

Ah, you'll get inspired out of the blue and write sometime:) As far as jealousy, rock on..keep the amusing stuff coming!

[Relic]

haha, thanks Pat. We'll see.