An Epiphany of Darkness

People have often stated that light often guides us through the darkness - I have never understood such a statement. I found no light when the darkness came. I found nothing. Was this the purpose of life that I should be tormented, forced to submit to the darkness before the light did come upon me? Perhaps the light did pass me by and I never caught hold of he whom carried it - I do not believe in God but I believe in something. Something created the light. Something created the darkness and now that something seems to haunt me.

Sleep - I had once thought it a delightful escape. Instead, it has been tainted. Memories seem to torture me. Each twisted thought seems to force me not into life but into sleep where the escape is as false as the prospect of true democracy. Someone once told me that I should hope to find the light before I submit to the darkness and become the darkness. Have I become darkness? Am I as cruel and heartless as the night? Am I as cold as the bitter wind of winter?

 

People have told me that I am an evil personal, both for my thoughts and my actions - if only they knew what I had to hide. My mind is like Pandora's Box. I desire to open it. I wish to release the memories. It is so tempting. I want to know what lies beneath the darkness of my mind. Of course, everyone knows what happens when Pandora's Box is opened. The world ends. Is that what will happen if I ever let loose the chaos which torments me? I do not know. I do not want to know. For all the temptations, I cannot allow it. It is forbidden.

 

It seems that books have the power to understand me as the dreams do - I was reading a book, I know not the name of it but it had such raw passion between two men, arousing me beyond the normal. I wonder if it is because it is forbidden or whether I am, as they say, a sodomite. If I could remember the dreams which plagued me, perhaps I would know the answer. Perhaps.

 

So many people believe they have the answer about me. They blame it on my past. They see me as strong. They see me as dark. I wish I could see what they see. Truly, I am an empty vessel. Even I do not know what I am. I do not know who I am. I cannot even bring myself to ask such a question. If I ever find the answer, I know I will not be alone. I will have someone to guide and teach me to be the person I truly am.

Reviews

[Annie]

veryvery good. lots of talent