Chapter Five: Guilt.

**Shizuo’s P.O.V**

 

Izaya stopped as he looked at me, mild surprise in his eyes. “Izaya, what’s with you, all of a sudden?” I asked him. He looked away for a moment, then back at me, as if he were considering how to answer. “You know how I am.” He replied bluntly, but I shook my head as I stood. “Don’t give me that bullshit, Izaya!” I argued, walking towards him. He backed away, and I glared slightly at him, clenching my teeth and fists in anger. “If something’s wrong, I want you to tell me!” I added, reaching out to grasp the other man’s shoulders. I held them gently but firmly, giving them only a slight squeeze as I looked into his crimson eyes. “No!” Izaya replied simply, struggling to get out of my grip as he screwed his eyes shut. I continued to hold his shoulders strongly. “Izaya tell me what’s wrong!” I ordered, but his body only continued to thrash around, in an attempt to escape. “Let go of me, Shizu-chan!” He yelled in response, falling over backwards. I made sure to cushion his fall slightly with my forearms, but I never moved my gaze away from his eyes. I knew that, in this state, Izaya would break. He insisted that he wasn’t human, but he still felt emotions, and would have to share them. I knew for a fact that Izaya had never been close to anyone before, so I was the first, and his last. I was the only one, and I was ready to carry that burden for him. “Izaya! Izaya, look at me!” I ordered, squeezing his shoulders, which made him wince as he continued to struggle. “Ah! Sh-Shizu-chan! That hurts!” He cried out, his eyes still screwed shut. “Then look at me, and I’ll stop!” I replied, squeezing him tighter.

 

Izaya opened his eyes, seemingly just to glare at me, but I stayed true to my word, and loosened my grip. I stared into his crimson eyes, and his expression changed as our eyes locked. In that single moment, he looked ready to tell me basically anything. “Sh-Shizu-chan, I…” He began, as if he didn’t know how to begin. “Izaya, what’s wrong with you?” I asked in a worried tone. Izaya opened his mouth to say something, but he was cut off by the sound of his phone going off in his pants. His eyes widened as he slipped his hand into his pocket. “Shizu-chan, I have to answer it…” He insisted, but I merely shook my head. “Don’t.” I said simply, but by then, he had already flipped open the phone. He smiled weakly, and I could tell that faking that smile hurt him. “I’m sorry…” He muttered as he pressed the phone to his ear. I hung my head as I sat up, pulling him up with me as I held him close, his back pressed against my chest, my back against the wall. He was in my lap as I had my legs crossed, so his legs rested over mine. Even though I was so close to him… I was unable to hear what that damned Neo was saying on the other end of the line. Izaya remained silent for the start, and I was unable to see his facial expressions, but when his body stiffened, I knew his face must’ve been full of fear. “N-no… You wouldn’t…” He stuttered. I found myself pulling him closer, and I could feel him shaking. “Please, n-no! I’ll do an-anything!” He begged. I clenched my teeth as I found that there was nothing I could do but hold him close in a pitiful attempt to comfort him.

 

But with what happened next, I knew that whatever was going on… Was seriously wrong… Izaya…

 

He began to sob.

 

The sobs racked his whole body, as if his body did not know how to supress them. “There are innocent humans in there, you can’t -!” Izaya began, but he was cut off as the sound of an explosion filled the air, and shook the ground. Izaya threw his phone to the wall so hard that it shattered, and he immediately began to try and stand. I closed my hands around the black fabric of his shirt, pulling him back down as he continued to sob. Screaming could be heard outside through the window, as well as the cries of children. Izaya continued to struggle, but I grabbed his shoulders forcefully, turning him around, so he faced me. Admittedly, the first thing I wanted to do was look out the window to see what happened, and who was injured, but if I did that, Izaya would break. Izaya immediately bowed his head, crying into my shirt, his nails digging into my skin, but I hardly felt it. Izaya shook his head as I continued to hold him. “No, don’t touch me! I don’t deserve to be embraced!” He argued, trying to struggle again, but he was weaker this time, as he continued to sob. “Izaya, this isn’t your fault.” I assured, speaking into his head of black hair. I was overwhelmingly curious, but if I let my curiosity overcome me, then it’d make guilt overcome Izaya… even more than it already had, that is.

 

Izaya seemed to lose his aggressive side, and practically melted into my arms. “But… My lovely humans… Are dead…” He whispered, sobbing. The radio that had been playing quietly suddenly seemed to become louder as a special announcement began.

 

“We interrupt this song for urgent news. The hospital in West Ikebukuro is up in flames after a massive series of explosions on seven of the ten floors. The building is slowly collapsing, and so far, there are no survivors. We hand you to our on-the-scene reporter, Nagato.”

 

As the younger girl began speaking in a panicked tone, I looked down at Izaya, lifting him up, so he could be in my arms. It was as if he had gone limp except for the occasional jerk from his sobs. I put my arms under his, so my hands crossed over and rested on his shoulders, meaning I could hug him and keep him upright at the same time. “It’s okay, Izaya… It wasn’t your fault…” I assured over and over. I didn’t know what else to say when the other was in this state… I didn’t know this version of Izaya, or how to handle him…

 

**Izaya’s P.O.V**

 

I listened intently to the radio as I continued crying. This was all my fault! If only I had managed to get more information on the Dollars! I was so close to the leader… Yet this happened…! I wrapped my arms and legs around Shizu-chan tightly, wishing I could just disappear…

 

“Confirmed dead include…” The reporter began, and I listened as I heard at least a dozen names, but my eyes widened upon the last two listed. Listed. As if they were no more than objects now, with no life…

 

“Saki Mikajima and Masaomi Kida.”

 

I clenched my teeth and sobbed. They were two innocent kids! “I killed them… I killed them…” I muttered, almost unable to speak due to my sobbing. Shizu-chan held me closer. “Don’t say that! You’re not to blame for this!” He assured, as if he actually expected me to believe it. “I killed them! I killed them!” I yelled as I struggled with all of my might, finally able to move out of his grip. “Murderer! I’m a murderer!” I yelled. Shizu-chan stood up, but I merely picked up my knife, pointing it at him, which made him freeze. “Don’t come near me! I’m a murderer!” I yelled. I didn’t want to hurt Shizu-chan… I was scared that I would hurt him, like how I just hurt so many people… I screwed my eyes shut as I heard people yelling and screaming, crying and sobbing. I clenched my teeth, realizing how much of an idiot I had been. I felt my arm shake as I held the knife, and it was all I could do to stop myself from falling to my knees.

 

I began to open my eyes, and I noticed that Shizu-chan was gone.

 

I lowered my knife slightly, but my whole body jolted as I felt his arms wrap around me from behind. I tried to spin around, but his grip on me was too strong, and he pulled me closer, so my head was pushed into his chest. “Sh-Shizu-chan, stop!” I yelled, trying to escape once again. Shizuo hit my knife out of my hands and pulled back, making me stumble backward. Shizu-chan pulled me into the air, making my feet lift off the ground, and I immediately began kicking. “No! Stop! Put me down!” I yelled.

 

“SHUT UP, I’M TRYING TO HELP YOU!” Shizu-chan roared as he pulled me onto the bed, so I was on his lap. I stopped struggling as Shizu-chan held me close. “If you were a murderer, don’t you think you’d be the one to press the button for those explosions yourself?” He asked. I titled my head back. “Shizu-chan…” I began, but the blond simply shook his head. “No… I don’t wanna hear it… You’re not a murderer, Izaya…” He muttered, kissing my forehead gently. I screwed my eyes shut as tears continued to roll down my cheeks. I turned myself around to face him, wrapping my arms around him as I finally caved in. “Shizu-chan… Shizu-chan, I… I…” I began, not knowing how to continue. I squeezed him tightly with my arms, but it felt like it wasn’t enough. I brought my legs up and wrapped them around him, too. The blond returned the embrace tightly, and I liked the feeling of being so close to him. “It’s okay, Izaya… I’ll help you through all this… I’ll help you find “Neo”, okay?” He asked, leaning his forehead on mine with mild force, locking his eyes onto mine, so I was unable to look away. I smiled softly, closing my eyes lightly. “Thank you, Shizu-chan…” I muttered quietly, trying to block out the sounds of ambulance sirens in the distance. He had no idea how thankful I was of his actions. Shizu-chan replied with a small kiss, and I smiled when he pulled away. He leant in to kiss me again, deeper than before. His tongue slid over mine, and I moaned as he won dominance over me, but that was to be expected from the strongest man in Ikebukuro. After the passionate kiss, we looked at each other for a moment, smiling. “You know I love you, right?” Shizu-chan asked me, and I nodded. “It’s the same with me, too.” I assured, closing my eyes again, still leaning my forehead against his. I felt my body lurch to the right, and I opened my eyes as Shizu-chan pulled me down onto the bed with him, our feet near the pillow, and our heads where our feet should be. He felt warm… I moved closer to him, looking up at his face. “Why are you so warm?” I asked, but the blond merely shrugged. “Dunno.” He replied, and I pouted playfully. “You’re not getting sick, are you~~?” I asked, putting my hand to his forehead, which made him chuckle. “Look at you, getting all concerned about me.” He teased, which made me blush, and I pulled my hand away. “No way, I’ve just never been sick before, is all, and I didn’t want to catch anything from you~~!” I teased in return. Shizu-chan chuckled, rolling his eyes. “I’m sure that’s the reason.” He replied, and I shook my head, giving up on trying to argue. “Nah, I’m not sick…” Shizu-chan assured, leaning in to kiss me again.