Philly''s P-Hine{t} /> Hardcore Phant-[o]m$ Prologue

Prologue

April 24^th, 2015

3:14 a.m.

“I’ll show you who’s hardcore, you sonofabitch. Show the world what being hardcore really means- /> Teach you to out-hardcore me MOTHAFUCKA!!!!-

BIOTCH!-”

Barry ‘mumbled’ loudly (!), brashly, franatically* and incoherently to himself (!!!)- swiftly, briskly (like a total b***h-honky-crass-motha-), angrily and quickly (crazy!! (:O J =p)!), sometimes yelping in a high-pitched squeal, violently, in anger or like a crazy mom or a type of mad scientist or some-s**t™, totally fucked up, as he approached the outskirts of Randall’s property in the dead of night #TechnicallyRandall’sParents’Property,ButWhatever:/. A couple passing by on the dead-empty street a few dozen yards away could hear him quite well, but after seeing his long hair, unkempt beard, completely inappropriate sunglasses (again, it was night-time, just FYI >=//) and super pale white skin, simply wrote it off as just a ‘werewolf or some s**t. I dunno, who cares? That’s what the cops are for. Let’s bang babay-‘ /> Barry was a black-metal, overtly-hater-hipster-#VikingWorshipper-black metal-metalhead douchebag (or: the worst kind of metalhead douchebag), who felt weakly that his opinion was the only one that mattered, but that was never the way anyone else would ever hear it-

Randall’s parents’ big suburban home lie atop a small hill whose downward slope served as its backyard, and it-‘twas here #TheModernShakespeare where Barry had just parked himself crouched behind a tree just before the woods that the yard gave way to.

Nonchalantly and without thought, “I’ll show you hardcore, little b***h, dirty a*s-licker, twat-flicker /> F*****g Converge: Jane Doe level s**t, but without the technicality or the heart-“          

He left his spot behind the tree, speed-walked his way up to the door like a boss-

The back door went directly into the basement-

After KICKing down the back door, he walked through the basement and to the stairs-

The Irish (!!!(!!)), white-as-total-s**t black metal douchebag-dillhole-shitmuncher marched sternly, but not excessively quickly or obviously >calmly-confidently< up the stairs and through the kitchen, around the main staircase leading up the stairs to the highest floor (and where Randall’s bedroom, currently /> ironically resided :O), through the dining room and - OMG - #IJustMetYouButThisIsCrazy - to the entrance to the staircase leading up the stairs and up to-

“Goddamned sonofabitch-“

Barry /> KICKED down the bedroom door of Randall’s (bedroom?) bedroom #ThatWouldMakeSense more suddenly than a cat lunges at a mouse during a nice family dinner, but it wasn’t so suddenly at all! The chainsaw in his hands had been rattling since he pulled the starter cap halfway through his walk up the stairs!!!

“AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!”

(>High-Pitched, High-Frequency Demonic Dolphin Laugh from Hell<)

XDDDDD

Barry raised the saw over his head as he lunged.

“STILL THINK I’M NOT HARDCORE NOW!!!???”

“Barry!!??-”

“AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!-”

“NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!”

The vibrating spikes on the saw cut rigidly, yet surprisingly straight, through the middle of Randall’s head and face, but, interestingly enough, on a slight slant from right to left so that the two pieces were cut off from the top of Randall’s left ear to around the bottom of his mouth on the opposite side. The blood shot out like from a powerful hose. It sprayed all over Randall’s bedroom, quickly covering everything from his TV to his window to his impressive hip-hop vinyl collection (Big L, Talib, Biggie, KRS, PAC, Nas, Diabolic, A Tribe Called Quest, Immortal Technique, Kid CuDi, Rakim, GZA/Genius, Mos Def, Kendrick Lamar, Lauryn Hill, Tha’ Method Man (actually, everything from Wu-Tang, cause it’s all tha’ s**t), Eminem, Jedi Mind Tricks, Big Pun, Hopsin, Mobb Deep, The Roots, J- (hipster ;)-) and even his copy of The Autobiography of Malcolm X as told to Alex Haley on the waaaay other side. The eyes burst from their sockets, thanks to the pressure, and Barry’s laugh only became crazier, louder, more frenetic and more audible as the saw scurried its little way across Randall’s ill-fated skull, his mouth filling with blood- gushing out in heavy waves, drenching Randall within milliseconds, like a lava lamp.

:(

It was all insanely gory, cartoonish, disgusting and ridiculous; even worse than that one time Barry Swindle pissed and vomited all over himself at a party in high school. It was really gross (both the event in question and this most recent apparent acclamation (as if you couldn’t already tell) :/). In fact, if you were there, you probably would have pissed and/or vomited in chunks all over yourself, making you so inherently smelly and unattractive that you would most likely Never be Able to Bag a Decent Date Again (:O), like a Total Loser…

:’ddddddd

It was super hardcore :o …

Reviews

[barleygirl]

Here I am on this ho-hum planet Earth, while you're whizzing out there in some part of outer space where I doubt much exploration has gone on. You reviewed me saying we might be soul mates (or something to that effect). I can't think of two people who could be more far apart. I'm not even going to attempt to review this, becuz (1) I try not to lie, & (2) I try not to be overly negative.

Let's just say you have some very original & outlandish ways of expressing yourself (all good), but your true skill at expressing fresh viewpoints is horribly clouded by all the tricks you're trying to pour into your writing, which comes off like you're trying to be super cool (as we said back in the day - whatever it's called these days). This feels like the lady singer who has a great voice, but she wears almost nothing on stage, such that her appearance is the focus & her singing talent just gets forgotten in all the fabricated fanfare. I sorely wish to see you get rid of all the tricks & stop trying to be a trickster.

I believe you are actually a person with unplumbed & unexpressed depths. But I'll never know, becuz I could never plow thru another chapter like this. Sorry for the brutal honesty.

[Riddhi]

Hey!!That is really a nice peice of writing...I indeed enjoyed reading it and i liked your ability not to bore the reader and keep him engaged in your writing...I liked the way your words painted a picture in front of my eyes...i really liked this peice...
Keep on writing and thanks for sharing
Riddhi