Philly''s P-Hine{t} /> Hardcore Phant-[o]m$ Part One Chapter II

II

The date: The 30^th of the month of August, in the year 2014

The time: Sometime around 11:30 p.m., or as close as you can get :/

The place: Mitch’s dad’s house in Tinkertown: A, roughly, >forty-five minute drive from Center City Philadelphia, U-S-And-A #Borat #TheSuitIsNOTBlack

The event: Forgettable teenage house party

                        The real event:

                             …

                                It was the day before…

                                       …The day before it happened…

                                                The day preceding and aforetime to and amidst of…

The Branding™

:OOO

/>

There may have been a city not-too-far-away, and there may have been a very hopping business district even closer (complete with a hooters and a hospital (equally important (medicine and food (what else could there possibly be??? (certainly not attractive nurses ;))))), but Mitch and his dad lived alone in a small townhouse on the outskirts of rich-a*s Tinkertown, formerly Addisville, formerly known as Bear Country after it wasn’t known as anything because who the hell wants to learn what language the Native Americans spoke, let alone how to actually speak it, am I right? In fact, it was only half a townhouse, Mitch’s house #Mitch’sDad’sHouse), attached to another townhouse straight down the middle and the entire neighborhood was so acutely dense that it was a downright miracle that nobody had ever called the cops on them after all the times Mitch would throw giant-crazy-semi-teenage-ragers when his dad wasn’t home. These were loud parties he had there; mad question askin’, blunt passin’, music blastin’ #BigPoppa #NotoriousB.I.G.betch, and every time Mitch had one, someone either hurt #HerOrHimSelf very badly of #HerOrHis own accord /> or a fight would break out (of course :/). One time, around 2012, when the whole main crew was there (like Al, Herb, Hershel, Candice, Barry, House, Randall and Eliza (among others (many others…))), a group from their rival high school had come over at the behest of the girl Mitch was dating at the time. She was kind of a b***h, but Mitch was a total piece of s**t so it worked out nicely.

Herb and Al knew a few of these ‘new peeps’, as they went to middle school with them. They were friendly at first until Herb finished the boot and passed out on the ground, blocking the small entrance to the kitchen (but it wasn’t that big of a deal because whenever anyone had to get to the kitchen, they would simply step over him (or cook in the oven directly next to Herb’s face ><), or so Herb remembers when he tells people this story). Al started hooking up with Candice about twenty minutes in (and twenty drinks), completely ignoring everything else going on (even the “Al, we need your help over here!!!” and “he’s got a gun!!!!!!” yelps from only a few feet away where the fight was starting to get gory (he nor Candice would even flinch XD)), but, still, nobody minded or noticed them (Candice and Al). Herb was a manipulative, lost, hipster/wannabe, looking"for (???) douchebag, real piece of work. Al, on the other hand, was a metalhead, I-hate-everything-but-Slayer dick/clogged-pee-hole f****r with a mouth to talk s**t, but a mind to listen, albeit most times vaguely. He liked Slayer a lot. Even more than Pantera. He was a total /> Dick-

Anyway, in case one hadn’t picked up on this already, the other high school crew and Mitch (and a few other peeps) got into a fight, so there’s that.

“Shouldnta’ come here talkin’ s**t if they weren’t looking for a fight, nah mean?”

“True dat-“

>Fist bump<

‘Chaaa-

“-Hey, you’d better not be slobbering all over that thing over there!”

House was yelling satirically over the immature crowd, wearing a big smile and sipping on his fifth drink in twenty minutes. Hershel was sitting at a desk facing the wall (so opposite of House and all them), rolling the blunt, a mere few feet from where House, Herb, Al and Candice were all hanging out now so, given how loud it was down there what with all of the people, b*****s, douchebags and the music (♫♫♫), House’s heighted voice was dealt reasonably consensually.

“-Nah we’re good House.”

“Alright, just makin’ sure.” #WithASmile:) #AlwaysWithASmile<3 #ThereAreGoodPeopleOutThere

/>

“I mean, don’t get me wrong, I’m all for free speech, but deliberately insulting one’s religion? Religion is so personal and indefinable, I mean, come on-“

“F**k off Eliza, deliberately insulting something meaningful isn’t the only thing we’re talking about when we talk about those s**t-eaters as it becomes a whole other issue when the thing being,” and Al took a ‘quotable’ tone here for this word, “’insulted’ is something that so desperately needs to be made fun of- which is virtually everything at some point. To make fun of something is pretty much equivalent to stopping something from being made too serious as anything taken in excess is probably not a good thing, but at the same time it’s still not ignoring that, at times, seriousness is still involved. It’s just not all about that aspect of it is all /> it’s not focusing only on that. Life isn’t about being serious and single-minded all-the-time, constantly thinking about death or prosecution like those are the only things worth living for-

/> “And anything says it is, is f*****g up-“

“He’s right,” Herb responded in support, taking a sip of his ‘beer’ (it was cheap- not good beer :( ). “It’s one thing to be pissed off about something or even rightfully insulted by it, but it’s a something else entirely to take someone’s life for that strictly personal and emotional point of view, ignorant as s**t of everyone else’s, which comes with religion so often, with no objective thought involved whatever.”

They were talking about the attacks on Charlie Hebdo in Paris in January 2015 and the strictly militant group ‘ISIS (#B*****s).’ These were people very sure of their opinions yet not the best informed and in most cases at these parties anyway (‘extreme religious’ and/or friendly incestuous circles ;), it was either that or vice-versa =P.

To Herb, Candice tried to reassure, “that was very deep of you, Herb. Good for you-“

“Kanye sucks-“

“Al?” Herb asked with impatience and frustration. “Really? Now? Maybe you just don’t get it, ever think of that!?-”

“Oh I do. Quite well actually, f****n’ idiot that guy is-“

>BANG!!<

Mitch, after being immediately, way-too-exuberantly (!) excited upon seeing his friend, Nick, first walk down the stairs, (in a frenzy) interrupted his ‘conversation’ with Hershel (still rolling the blunt (Mitch didn’t notice /> which matters because if he did notice, Mitch would have beaten the living s**t outta the dude)) and went to high five his friend -NOT-A-GOOD-IDEA-FOR-A-REALLY-DRUNK -(on power)-TEENAGER. As a result, he hit his head so hard on the support bar splitting through the middle of the basement ceiling that his body quickly swiped the opposite way of his abruptly stopped head on the bar, sending it and him hastily down to the ground where he lay for a good few seconds before he woke back up.

“Holy s**t! AHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!” Barry Swindle laughed from a few feet away along with a few others currently enthralled in his talking circle. “You stupid-a*s m**********r!-“

“Yo, F**K you Barry!!!!” and Mitch quickly got up from the floor to violently tackle Barry to the ground.

“Dude, get off me. I’m only joking,” Barry yelped once down.

“You F****N’ SURE!?” almost with Barry in a headlock

“Yes! What the hell’s the matter with you, bro?”

“Yea, you’re right,” Mitch said as he let Barry go and they both got up from the ground, both a little shaken up. “I love you dude.”

“You too man.” -Barry with a light chuckle. “I’m just an a*****e-“

House yelled anonymously, “huge a*****e!-”

“Alright guys, I think we’re good,” Hershel said as he got up from the desk, still putting the final licking touches and t-shirt dry-offs on his master creation (the blunt). Hershel was the best at rolling blunts.

“Alright good, cause I’m ready to get the hell outta here,” Eliza said. “Is it getting hot down here?”

“Yea it is.” "Al.

They passed a sober(ish) Randall Gähstŭr on the couch against the other wall adjacent to the staircase on a ninety-degree angle (the one Mitch’s friend Nick walked down on).

“Yo Randall, you coming?”

“-Yup!”

>Outside<

>In the back<

“Yea, I’m down.”

They’d reached a good spot in the fields near the woods next to a big bushel of trees and were smoking Hershel’s blunt. The houses in this part of the neighborhood all had quite the awesome backyards: after the fenced in, ‘real backyard’ (technically ($)) and through the latched door at the end was a large field, over 200 yards front to back and even longer horizontally, spreading out over several of Mitch’s neighbors’ ‘backyards’ (not technically), separating the neighborhood from the woods, about 50 yards long, in the very back, which separated the entire thing from the main road at the very end of it all. It was the perfect place for smoking weed at night, in an area where everyone thought that they had the right to tell you what you can and can’t do with your own body (so long as you weren’t hurting anyone (not including only yourself) doing it), because the place was so secluded that no one could ever have any idea that you were back there- unless somebody would walk back inside Mitch’s house and ruin it for everybody (because Mitch hated people smoking weed at his parties (even if he was usually too drunk to notice people rolling blunts directly in front of his eyes!))

/>

“Ahahahah!!!”

>House-and-Hershel style laughs<

“Why is that such a big deal? It’s just my name,” Randall said.

“Dude, it’s your Warcraft® gamer tag,” House reminded him.

“Yea. R-Man. I’m the R-Man.”

“Dude, no I think that’s a great idea,” Hershel blurted out as he came down from his laughter before completely losing it again after saying, “like, seriously- ahahaha!!!!!” He turned away, trying to contain himself, and ended up bending over in an attempt to let it all out easier.

“I don’t get why it’s such a big deal either,” Hershel continued after he’d calmed down.

“Actually, I agree,” House agreed.

“I mean I’d have to be really drunk first so…” Randall pointed out. “Actually, you guys should provide the booze or I’m not doing it-“

“Dude you got it,” Hershel responded (with a little “ahaha”). “I’ll provide all the booze, the weed and I’ll make the thing myself tomorrow. House, your house cool?”

“Yea man,” House responded with a sly smile B). House was a pretentious, too-cool-for-school-but-totally-f*****g-white douchebag with a knack for technical nerdiness and a bad taste for s****y hip-hop. If enough people like something, can it really be that s****y?

-Yes (no) #ContradictionsHaveTheirPlace-

“Alright. Then I’m down.” "Randall.

“Dude, I’m so excited for this now.”  -Hershel.

House to Hershel: “If you wanna come over earlier, work on the Brand™ for a while, that works,”

“Dude, I’ll be there all day if that’s cool- Ahahahah!!!”

“Hell yea!”

“Yea I mean I have faith in you guys that you’re not gonna f**k it up or get me killed,” Randall added matter-of-factly, no worry at all :D. “I just need to be really drunk, you know? Like, if I’m drunk, there should be no problem-“

Randall was agreeing to getting Branded™ with his Warcraft® (ONLINE MMO, RPG COMPUTER GAME) gamer tag the next day, so long as, of course, he was really, really drunk™.

“Yea, I’m really gonna need that alcohol aha,” Randall blurted out under his breath.

“Don’t worry dude, it’s gonna be awesome.” Hershel assured everyone (paying attention (so not really Herb, Al or Candice (none of whom, coincidentally for my point here, were paying attention :/))). “We’ll take care of everything. Unlike Mitch’s butterfly tattoo that he got for that one girl- what was her name?-“

“I have no idea-“

“You definitely won’t regret your Branding™,” Hershel continued, and almost ended with, but instead decided to give some final assuredness to the situation with />

“No worries.”