The Lotus Flower Coffehouse

Quick introduction to two of the main characters.

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Chapter 1- Good Intentions

 

            There were no flowers in the coffee that day. Every day at Lotus Coffeehouse Ethan makes a tiny flower, or leaf or some other artistic bullshit out of creamer, that people would put on their Instagram pages with pound signs that they gave some ridiculous name to that was supposed to lead to other peoples pages which led to even further pages all of which were filled with Ethan’s work being mistreated as the flowers of others’, that, and kittens.

            “Ethan!” the manager said in a managerliness manor.

            “Huh?” Ethan replied, wiping his hands from the beans kept under the counter.

            “Why are there no goddamm flowers in these people’s coffees?!”

            “I am not sure why there are no goddamm flowers in these people’s coffees.” he responds in a more uncaring tone.

            “Do you know who’s job it is to put the goddamm flowers in the coffee? he replied in a more humble but obviously more annoyed voice.

            “Mine?” he asked with genuine curiosity.

            “Yours.” said the manager with genuine anger.

            “Here’s a theory-” Ethan presented in a manor no doubt to save his a*s from the manager’s utmost fury. “What would happen if we took away the people’s flowers for just one day?”

            “The hell do you mean Happer?” the manager says looking down at his watch.

            “I mean some people obsess over this sort of thing all day, if we were to take this one insignificant cog out of their finely tuned day-to-day schedule, wouldn’t it be hilarious just to watch them trip over their own hashtags and experience the abnormality that is not having your tiny lotus in your coffee?” he starts using the air-pinchy thing with his hands conspiracy theorists use to prove the moon-landings was faked. “wouldn’t that be great?”

            He looks down at his boss’s nametag, “Joe, do you mind if I call you Joe?”

            “You’ve asked me this every day since you started working here Happer, the answer is still no.”

            “Well Joe,” he quickly cuts him off. “What do you think?”

            “Ethan…”

            “Yeah?” his face lights up expecting praise.

            “How high are you?” Manager Joe asks bluntly.

            “Yes.”

            Ethan was fired that day. They got a new barista that did better flowers and actually pronounced Araceli correctly the one time she comes to get a decaf soy latte at 2 PM every third Tuesday of the month. Every month.

            The Instagrams were quite that day as well, except of course for all the cats.

 

            Kate worked an equally s****y job. All Kate has to do is accept customer complaints, normally you need to pick the nicest person for customer service as not to enrage themselves through the stupidity of the masses, but sadly, seeing as everyone else at Macy’s is an a*****e that leaves poor Kate to explain to old man Jenkinmenson exactly why the Obamacare isn’t going to break his toaster.

            A dozen angry mothers with their bubble-wrap in a twist over their shake weight squirming too much into the first shift and Kate could strangle herself with their own stupidity. Only 90% of customer service is actually relevant to the customer service provider’s skills. Often it’s just the customers stupidity or some greedy b*****d trying to cash in by breaking a blender a day before it reaches it’s warranty, today is no different.

            “You can’t return that radio sir.” She explains to another neckbearded mouth-breather.

            “And why not?” Inquired the patron described before.

            “Because, there’s nothing to warrant it’s return.”

            “But it’s unopened.” complained the customer who suspiciously seemed more and more likely to own more than one fedora at home.

            “No it’s not.” Kate pointed to the top of the box clearly sealed with staples. “You tried to cover up the box but it’s still there.”

            “It came like that, s****y packaging.”

            “Really, let’s take a look at the contents.” She rips open the box and pours down a container full of empty. “Oh look, there’s nothing.”

            “That’s just it, I didn’t receive anything.”

            “No, you claimed you wanted to return a broken radio.” She paused. “You just took it and tried to return an empty box to get more money.”

            “I’d like to speak to your manager.” He said with seeming defeat.

            “Please, allow me.” she pressed the button signaling for the manager to come to customer services.

            A few begrudged grunts from a faraway manager’s office brought Ben towards a fellow neckbeard in a heated argument with a plebeian over the contents of an empty box.

            “What do you want Kate?” he leans forward on the counter/desk thing as not to be forced to hold his own weight.

            “She opened the product I was returning” answered the man with the million dollar ego. “I’m just trying to return these damaged goods in the box until she tried to open i-“

            “There you go, he didn’t open the box, yet he claimed it was broken, and there’s still no radio here.”

            “D****t Kate, the customer’s always right,” he turns to the patron “terribly sorry sir, you want your new one wrapped?”

            Kate quit, who wouldn’t, let someone else point fingers at the customers. Besides, she searches through her mind, back to high school English class,

 

When a true genius appears, you can know him by this sign: that all dunces are in a confederacy against him.

 

            She turned around to see her friends. Ethan and Lucas had agreed to meet her at Lotus.

 

Author's Note

Once again, I shouldn't feel that I can credit this all to myself since I'm almost a completely different person when I'm incredibly tired.