Rusted Heart

Once you've had enough of the mind games, you just know to let go.

 I keep listening to those desperate ocean waves crashing --

beating to the slow, rhythmic, death-toll of my rusted heart.

I keep hearing your pleading words of an alien phrase, at me lashing --

carving in stone, an artistry of the dire pain you'd caused from the start.

I keep feeling those switchblade scars within me -- that legacy of your devotion;

your incantation which swept me inside your oh so twisted, undying "love, eternal."

I'll refrain from your pleas of forgiveness, though you claim I am your world -- the seed of your emotion.

Crawl back to your egotistical, brimstone throne! You are my destruction... your perverse love, so infernal.

Author's Note

This was something spontaneous. It's a simple scheme I had fun writing about. Sometimes those memories still haunt us. This was pretty much experimental, so don't try to find a constant flow. It's meant to be a bit stunted and fragmented -- like the thoughts we have when love goes wrong.

Reviews

[chocolate_addict]

You created nice imagery here. The flow is rough but you could compare the flow of your piece to a rough ocean just like love's turmoil. So in a sense the fragmented statements of this piece do come into line with what it is displaying.

Ah the word "incantation" in there seemed so perfect. Wonderful job. Sometimes the spontaneous works carry the most underlying meaning and emotion. Loved it.

[shandi]

Crawl back to your egotistical, brimstone throne! You are my destruction... your perverse love, so infernal.

Tell it like it is! Ive come to the conclusion that you are very gifted! Nice to 'meet' you!

[Manda A.]

Oh, those "swtichblade scars"!

Isn't it strange how words and emotions can cut through you, all for the sake of love? And how the one's that say, "I'm sorry," only procceed to do so AFTER things have gone awry... too little too late, isn't it?

I keep hearing your pleading words of an alien phrase, at me lashing --
carving in stone, an artistry of the dire pain you'd caused from the start.

You couldn't have said it better in these two lines!

I wouldn't worry too much about the structure here. I think as long as a poem is written from the heart, such as this one, structure is almost an absolute factor, especially if it gives the reader something to think about such as you've done here!

A+ for relatability, as well as insight!

[razormuse]

i love the poem, but hate the fact you had to experience this to write it. anyone who has NOT been thru this could nail it so well.

[Wildfleour]

If there is any truth to this write, I hope you let this person go back to their throne and stay there.........that type of negativity only ends up draining our souls.

Great lines: "I keep feeling those switchblade scars within me; that legacy of your devotion;

your incantation which swept me inside your oh so twisted, undying "love, eternal."

[closed account]

Ouch!! yes the hauntings of liar.... the one who says you are the one,, yet they were not! this
was down right to the point, full of determination to move on because after all?
in the end we mean more!! great job my friend!!

[Sel Whiteley]

This is very strong, you can really feel your hurt in these lines and your regret for wasting so much time on someone who only pretended to love you. There are some stunning lines: 'the slow rhythmic death toll of my rusted heart.' 'And Crawl back to your egotistical, brimstone throne! You are my destruction... your perverse love, so infernal' is a great last line. Another brilliant poem.

[Akina]

it's a very dramatic poem, great job :)
I really like the way you've putted it up.
thanks for sharing.

Akina
(from sweden, will spell some words wrong=P )

[Voice11]

I really like it..very dramatic! I can picture a vagueness too...great job!

[deeps]

I like it, I think it is wonderful. I can feel what you are talking about.
I kinda been there. Well written.