Nerves x 1,000 000

Nerves x 1,000 000

A Poem by SuicidePact.
"

Tomorrow i am shooting a scene with an entire girls football team and i am really nervous!! I'm playing their Coach and I hardly even know them or how to play soccer!!!

"

Tomorrow's the day,

the day of the year.

I'm going to pray

I'll remember my gear.

 

I don't really feel

as though i can do it.

it's a big deal.

I hope i get through it

 

I'm so freaking scared,

I'll forget all my lines

I'll be under prepared

but they say i'll be fine

 

I feel so alone

I can't close my eyes

my nerves have grown

thank god for no guys

 

I think I will fall

I know that for sure

I can't play ball.

it's just something I'll need to endure

 

© 2012 SuicidePact.


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Reviews

a nice poem projecting anticipation, worry and all the negative thinking we conjure before these kind of events. I hope you manage to distract yourself, and keep busy if this is really happening. Thanks.

Posted 12 Years Ago


this is a very nice write, excellent write

Posted 12 Years Ago


The last line seems a bit too long for the poem, and it is occasionally a line that gives out the main concept of a poem. Just a little constructive criticism, but you should focus on improving that a bit; a line like that just usually breaks a flow, unless like I said, it gives out the concept.
As for the other parts, they are well structured and flow well. You describe nervousness so perfectly.
Despite the couple flaws of this gem, it still shines out brightly. You've done a good job at this. Keep it up!

Posted 12 Years Ago


I think that there's nothing wrong with the last line, because last lines are meant to bring out that final message you're trying to send. :D

Posted 12 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

I will have to agree with you, the last line seems a bit off. It's larger syllable count gives the flow a burp. But at the same time, I don't think it could be rewords with the same final impact that it's current form stands with.
So I'll say toss a coin on that last line. But for the rest...it's awesome!

Aaron

Posted 12 Years Ago


I can just imagine you are a great actress, so no stress, you have a sultry intensity on your side, of that I'm half sure! Besides, you write mean verse. Don't let those b*****s push you around.

Posted 12 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

I think the last line is fine the way it is, it is longer then the other lines, but it is the last line of the poem that ends the feelings, and therefore I think it suits the words and length just well the way you have it, keep it that way. Nice ending... as for the rest of the write, well, I hope the day went well for you. It is a nice story of your feelings wrapped in each word. Nerves are indeed something.

Posted 12 Years Ago


its good as is. great poem.

Posted 12 Years Ago


Hm, I think its great, excellent write:)

Posted 12 Years Ago



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Added on March 11, 2012
Last Updated on March 11, 2012

Author

SuicidePact.
SuicidePact.

Not telling!, SecretVille., Australia



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