Five year on chap 2 pt1 dft1

conclusion to chapter 1 was going to be the first chapter but choose to make this my second after deciding the characters needed an opening.

I sit there and let it marinate. Set on pause. The boy forced upon by who was once his close friend. lieing there beaten and bloody. I stare directly at the screen as if mocking the screenwrite for telling such a sick joke. I feel no empathy just self pitty for having made myself watch it. picking up the case and read the title again “shank”, apparently this is one of aidens favorate pass times, watching 15 year old boys get raped by there friends. Filled with heartbreak was his lasted stoned explanation of this movie.

“pill of s**t” I proclaim to the heavens as I toss it to the already messy floor and mimic its fall as my head hits the pillow. Last nights drinks creep up on my throut ironically as kiss the s**t that hit the fan is sung from my phone. The next loving lyrics sings sweetly “you made your bed now lie in it die in it.” Continuing to mock me. In a desperate attempt to stop the torture I reach out to grab it. Only to discover the cruel love letter left by an ex on the screen “have fun last night”

Still a blur

My only lie of gratification and explanation for the past intoxication is the moto I always tell myself after a night like lasts. “if you cant remember it. You had a good night.” Such a falsehood.

I tear out the tv plug likeing to keep them close to my bed so all objects I need are around me for mornings like this, and pull the blue and pink sheets over my head. The smell is grotesque but endurable on both accounts due to the amount of alchohol pushing its way out of ever pour of my body, lullingly sending my to sleep. REM hits my like a bus and for what feels like 3 minutes. I wake feeling refreshed compared to my previous state but still inhuman.

I glance at the clock 3 am. Id slept for 5 hours. I go in for round two when my flatmate barges into my chamber. “Hannah you awake?” he says not load enough to seem rude but still loud enough to wake me if I was asleep still.

“Yuer” I moan into my pillow.

“still hungover babes?” hes been drinking Aiden isn’t often camp unless so, infact except for his ability to cook, clean and his undying love for anything remotely romantic Aiden is fairly hegemonic, annoyingly so sometime. I would say that the baurging into my room at this late hour was also a sign of his shitfacedness but this was common practice with him, even when sober.

“not really” I respond. At this he walks over to my bed and sits on the edge and begins to stoke my hair. Another habit of his that he deamed fairly normal no matter how many times I told him it made me feel like a dog. But this time I just asked “can you get the light?”

“We missed you tonight” he said as he switched on the lamp by the bed.

Sorry hun I couldn’t handle another night

“P***y” he answered

“F*g” I teased “was alex there tonight?”

“Yer he asked after you wanted to know if you felt after last night. You said you would ring him today …. Well yesterday.”  there was a long pause as I tried to recall the long dead convocation lost in the great war of subconscious collection. Never quite stored in my memory no matter how important.

Aiden noticing the long hold on convocation and the puzzled look on my face simply followed up with “bored” Aiden announcing this only to himself and maybe slightly as a mock to my hungover social skills. His form of an icebreaker. “ anyway me and emma are going to the lizard soon fancy joining us now that you are awake.”

The lizard was a bar we frequented like most our group after a heavy night out. Always open no matter the day or weather from the time of 12 am to 8.30 am. The latest open place in the town.

I was reluctant to the idea but I could use a pick me up. Hair of the dog as people say. A saying that never made any literal sense to me.

“Ok. just ganna have a shower.” I exasperated. In a tone that was slightly annoyed at my choice.

“can we meet you there then. I only really came back for a hit.” Aiden never brought anything out anymore he was worse at hiding it than most and had been caught twice. He was on his final warning before the fine.

The shower was cold but exilerating with no hot water at the early hour due to the timer but I didn’t mind. It helped wake me from my coma. For the ten minutes I was in there I frantically tried with no success to remember the convocation with Alex.

As I got out I noticed the gift left for me by Aiden. Maybe his way of thanking me for saving him from the last couple of hours with emma. He was bad with comforting and since she had had a recent breakup there was sure to have been some crying throughout the night. I pulled the straw from the container he had nicked from work on the side. The irony of snorting fairy dust will doing it with a mc Donald was enjoyable and stupidly rebellious due to the writing “im loving it.”  I then lifted the lid and sat down before noticing the other gift left by my loving roommate. He must have been extremely drunk I thought to myself since with his cleaning issue he never normally misses.

I walked into my room next while drying my hair due to the length it was quick and easy to dry.  I put on the first t-shirt I could find on the floor and and a black pair of skinny with a studded belt attached. I was never one for putting to much of an effert into my clothing situation. Unlike emma who always dressed to the 9s. with here grundgy goddess style.

I went to my waldrobe and looked in the human sized mirror. Now I could complain like most herions u have read about say my skin was to pale, my eyes were to green, my nose was to big ect. but I actually liked the way I looked. Like all girls I had my minor flaws that I balled over but that’s what there were to me minor. I have an alice glass haircut dyed jet black, a petit face, emerald green eyes and ivory skin with a willow shaped figure. The one thing I would change would be the tiny mole near my nose, and it is tiny. But it has plagued me since I was young. The one thing the other kids used against me. The thing my ex used to quote from an Austin powers movie. This never helped. I would have also changed that my roommate had marked me as his own but I wasn’t going to go back into the shower now.

I left the flat at 3.30 it never took me long to get ready expasally when Aiden was not there holding me back. Jess was opening her door as I was leaving mine. “how was work tonight?” I asked in a semi-polite manner. “Busy?”

“nightmare” she responded with an exorsted expression “it doesn’t help that ambrosia doesn’t know what pulling a pint is let alone trying to actually pull one. And Aiden and your friend. Him constantly asking for bar favours since we are “such good friends” in his own words and the girl crying at the bar expecting sympathy.” She used her hands a lot, she was annoyed.

“I’ll talk to him” I lyed to calm her down. And then finished with “go to bed babe I’m on my way out catch up soon.” She gave me a grunt of agreement and closed her door. I used this oppertunity on suclstuion to leave the door on the latch. A bad habit I had pick up to stop our other nabour garry from constantly coming back pissed and using our window as a door to knock on when he has lost his keys. This happened often. We tried the spare key but decided it would be a good idea to just use the latch after the screaming match between him and jess when he forgot where it was kept.

This was no bother to any but jess the “safety inspector”, It was perfectly safe. Nothing ever happened up our street since we were to close to town.

On the way over the bridge I was sighted by the local ucas group “DYKE” they shouted over when I was to far away to actually be a source of concern. I happily shouted my reply. “no actually but I still get more p***y  than you. Even if it is the one.” They were shocked and I kept the look of discust in my memory till I reached the lizard giving me something to feel good about.

I was used to the uneducated chav and siblings (ucas) making remarks about my look, but since the groups of them had now became so small and the fact that deeper in town the groups become less aggressive it didn’t offend me. I actually kind of liked there attention. Gave me a rush I cannot or out of the self loathing it would cause choose not to explain.