Alive

Just To See You Smile.

"Is It Really Me That Cries?

 Or Is It Really My Soul?

 Is It Really Me Smiling?

 Or Is It Really My Heart?

 When I Turn Around.

 I Follow The Darkness.

 When I Look Up.

 I Follow The Bright Light.

 When I Walk In Circles.

 I Can Feel My Pain Again.

 It Turns My Life In Riddles.

 I Just Become The Perfect Sin.

 Hear Me Whisper The Secret.

 Here I Can Picture You.

 Just Make Me Your Puppet.

 Just Render Me As Your Voodoo. 

 I Have To Say You Are Always On My Mind.

 With Broken Bones I Will Not Leave You Behind.

 Under This Dreamy Waterfall We Make Sensational Love.

 All You Need To Do Is Tell Me You Love Me With A Shove. 

 So Push Me Down Into The Water.

 Just Follow Me In. 

 Just Kiss Me A Lot Longer.

 I See You Smiling With A Grin.

 When I Walk Into Your Love That Makes Me Thrive.

 I Make A Decision To Have Your Heart Makes Me Strive.

 I Just Need You To Smile Cause Thats How I Survive. 

 When I Walk Into Your Beautiful Soul I Become Alive."

Reviews

[Natasha]

Criticism wise, you have a period after every line you say, which is not needed unless you are actually have that line be in a complete sentence. A few of the rhymes sound a bit cheesy or cliche to me, maybe because I personally like free-form better?

Positive wise, I greatly enjoy the romantic factor, as well as the darkness. I imagined it as a gloomy, but fairy-tale like story. The third and fourth stanzas jumped out at me and I think your writing in those lines have the most quality to them. Keep up the good writing!

[Sleeping Maiden]

Awww..this one melts my heart!! It's so heartfelt.. my goodness.. i love this so much!! I love how you truely describe how you are feeling.. your very talented!!
The emotions are full of agony.. but there's that light in you that slowly blooms to be alive again! How beautifully written... this piece is..
Well done!! I adore this..

[Marie Harrison]

So Push Me Down Into The Water.
Just Follow Me In.
Just Kiss Me A Lot Longer.
I See You Smiling With A Grin.

Nice poem, filled with emotion!

[Joiedevivre]

very strong and bursting with emotion. Smile :)

[Nansi London]

Plucks the right melody on ones' heart strings. These lines were unique for me...
" When I Turn Around.
I Follow The Darkness.
When I Look Up.
I Follow The Bright Light.

When I Walk In Circles.
I Can Feel My Pain Again."

they were not just placed there but well thought through. I loved this...

[Lily Mae]

Perfect, I love this... xx

[LadyNaida]

The is beautiful! How can she not fall into your arms. :)

[Liza]

complete surrender. very sensual and alluring.

[Cherrie Palmer]

Just Kiss Me A Lot Longer.
I feel your smile from under your kiss . ( just an idea)
this is full of passion and life
loved it