You

little free write. needs work.

follow me like the sun on a walk home, 
Or like the satchel I drag along the sand 
the impression stretching away behind our distance, 
but I draw it anyway. 
  
The waves like a million dolphins going north, 

I head west led by instinct, a wanderer in a world 
searching for a home. 
  

Reviews

[Patrick Henry]

This may sound strange, but I felt like you were my tour guide in a museum of my "heart's past". As if "in a proverbial sense?" ...you were bringing me along a corridor of smile and pure ardor, whilst hand in hand, I am drawn into these views you have of those little things that usually a painter or artist would notice. In your poem, you are dragging this satchel along the sand, and it is as adorable and reflecting as remembering those days in our youth just playing upon the sea's shore with our favorite toys!! It's really beautiful. You mention the poem needs work, but I definitely like how you have STARTED it. Your lines bounce from one line to another like they are the first lines to OTHER poems you have written. Weird, huh?! lol Capitalizing the word "or" was weird to have it stick out, but it does nothing to your poem's integrity, Jennifer. : ) Your last lines were matter-of-fact in the sense that whilst reading these beautiful memories and images, I get to the last line and it's, "...and this is what it means to me. Do you understand me?" ....that is how I interpret your poem and you make it a fun experience to try and "hear" you in it!! *Big Hugzz* xoxo -Mark

[JenniferMarie]

What a cool review. I start writing and I write down all that I'm seeing around me. You're right thought sometimes I feel like one of the lines should really be an entirely different poem so it's not weird that you say that. I like the satchel in the sand how it made you think of childhood. It does that for me too because even though we are grown there is a bit of our childhood that lingers still just like our past loves and so on. This was very much a free write. I'm glad you enjoyed it though.

I am a writer in progress and work towards being a better writer everyday. I enjoy the process. It's a journey, a discovery and it's cool!

best regards,
jennifer

[JenniferMarie]

I meant *though not thought

[JenniferMarie]

I mean we carry some of our child like ways.

[Patrick Henry]

The "process" is such the word I recognize in the last two years that I have been writing, myself!! There is a girl named Nadine that I met on a website for poetry about 2 years ago. I had only written about 5 or 6 poems by then, but had no idea WHY I was writing. What I DID notice was that I was enjoying the process that once was enjoyed in my younger years where I would pretend a fantasy to sound aloud to my grandparent's ears, and make them laugh a bit. Smells were different, sounds were crisp and affecting, and names of those closest to me were like that of faith, itself. I knew only what my heart told me what was real. Your poems are like these beautiful moments in my own past.... just in a different house with a different last name!! lol xoxo -Mark

[B-poet]

Very well penned eloquence at its best here. Some much has been said within just two stanzas. Great work. :)

[JenniferMarie]

Thanks so much bpoet. I appreciate your review and look forward to reading your work.

[xxlheart]

i don't see any need to touch this piece up. it is perfect as is.

[JenniferMarie]

Thank you. :) I appreciate your comment.

[Traci]

There is a lot of depth and imagery in so few lines. I like this one a lot because I can relate. On this journey of life whether it be a home or love, we are all wanderers who long for that sense of belonging, and to have a lover who will follow us through the depths of time. Job well done, J.

[JenniferMarie]

Thank you. That's exactly what I meant. I feel the same as you've described in your review. Thank you again.

[Peter H]

ah lovely imagery within this one , don't worry one day you'll find that home(love) somewhere until then cherish the loneliness i guess .

[JenniferMarie]

Thank you Peter. I appreciate the review. You read this poem well home(love). That's exactly what I meant. I'm not in this place now, but I love visiting places of longing.

[Buddhistboy73]

mmm....so much said in so few words,.....for me this conjures up different things..separation from a lover, or the void that is created when we lose sight of our own spiritual journey through life....love the second stanza..
Thanks for sharing...
BB

[JenniferMarie]

I agree and see that too. I wrote it thinking of how we carry people with us even after they are out of our lives. She's someone who needed to draw that line. Now, she's back out there heading west led by instinct searching for a home. ... :) I'm glad you stopped by.

Stay inspired and happy writing,
Jen

[JenniferMarie]

I meant she needed to draw the line and move on.

[Pól]

I did a poem called " you" too (pardon the pun) but this is so much better.

[JenniferMarie]

Thank you Paulo. I really appreciate it. I'm glad you enjoyed it.

I'm sure your poem is wonderful.

Happy writing.

[LJW]

Perhaps.....the line spans our distance?

marks our distance?

[LJW]

Does need work but strong bones.

This type of short poem calls for precise word choices, visual imagery. {due to the number of words used}

Looking forward to seeing the final product.

[JenniferMarie]

Thank you for commenting. Comments are helpful tools for revisions.

I agree. I plan to work on it.

[Criss ;)]

It's a well write and it's about i think "probing"....lol, you know what when i was readin' this beautiful piece, i'd made some views of millions of dolphins too because you well said here that "I head west led by instinct, a wanderer in a world searching for a home", what a nice line i loved this line, your this piece has a lot of depth, i can figure out here one more thing that's "your feelings"......

yeah, you conveyed your feelings through this way what you feel when you feel alone, when you wish to have someone who follows you......what a nice write, hey, i loved your thoughts and theme as well.......

you're starting is fabulous because your this line's totally touchable "follow me like the sun on a walk home"......you know what as your said that there's 12:12, and let me tell it's 11:20 p.m''s here and you made my after noon...i think by this piece....

"follow me like a sun", this line has depth and i loved this lien much because you've mentioned here that you want someone to follow you and i think you here compared your beauty with "sun"....isn't it..........?

well penned , i enjoyed too yours...i'd look forward soon :)
have a nice writin',
thanks for sharing' here on this site
have this for this piece 95.9 / 100 ;)

take care........!!
'