Her Dark State

This poem caused me to rethink. I know we can never change our fate. But at least we can try or we'll die.

She’s that girl

Who doesn’t know why she cries

Are there numerous problems

Or is it her sick conscience

She used to be the happy one

With her friends, had all the fun

But then her state deteriorated

Something in her mind spun

All the sobs became her fate

Soon she was to enter hell’s gate

Pain conquered her soul             

Devils began to howl

With that death started to chase

Everything in front of her seemed haze

But she refused to be caught

And continually fought

Because hope was what she believed in

And knew that this way she might change her fate and win

Author's Note

Please vote and review. And share your thoughts about changing your fate. you can inbox me

Reviews

[Érenn]

Another Philosophical touch to your poem it seems. :) Well it's a well written poem and i can clearly see how much thought you put into it as you wrote. But i think the best part of the poem seems to be you are fighting your fights as you continue to live on and the never give up attitude clearly show up. It's a good thing to have. I can relate to it this a lot.

[Jess]

Yesss. thank you so much

[Blysful]

Definitely love the undertones of positivity and fighting hard no matter how tough the situation gets. Keep fighting your dark side, girl! :p

[Jess]

thank you ....:)

[CiNtsaLis]

Personally, I know what this is about. (: good write. Full rating.

[Jess]

:) :) thnx

[Einstein Noodle]

hmmmmmm fate!!! thats a tough one i think ...no easy answer ... we do have great power to choose ...so we do control a lot that goes on in our lives ..however intervening circumstances outside our control happen ... as these life lessons become more difficult it becomes more and more important on how we choose to act, react or stand still ... to walk through "stuff" with the hope you end your poem with is critical in my mind ..it grows Faith in the Highest power ... comfort and assurance the we get through things with dignity, patience and compassion towards ourselves and so to others ... but i am old ..and i think i have learned things eh!? ;)
E.

[Jess]

You're absolutely right. I agree.

Thank you

[Laymeto.rest]

This was beautiful. To know you will still have hope to go on. Being relentless in the face of darkness. Keep staying strong.

[Jess]

..Thanks :)

[mjsalyers]

You seem to have gone through many heart aches in your short/young life Please do not let life's little tragedies tare you apart and lose hope. I gave up on hope and have never been able to truly regain it. You are a VERY talented writer. I wish I could say things of this nature as efficiently as you do but even after being a songwriter for 27 years I still can't match you on that. Never stop writing and never give up your hope no matter how hopeless things may seem.

[Jess]

Haha. Well, its not just me its any people out there who feel the same and I wanted to just help them you know. Tell them that they're not alone. So yea...
Thank you for reviewing btw

[Zachary_James]

This was so well written as well as sad at the same time, we as humans wish we could change our fates, but sadly it's unchangeable. I love your imagery as well. Great work.

[Jess]

:) thanks.

[Mary Helda]

This ia the kind of poem i'd imagine you performing it as you accompany it with music..an instrument playing in the background or just a poet freestyling it...well,thats the way i see it,that way it would bring out more depth and evoke a deeper kind of enotion from people...its a lovely write

[Jess]

Haha. Tbh, it was initially meant this way. As like lyrics of a song probably.
Thank you so much

[Mary Helda]

You are welcome my dear:-)

[P_F_COGAN]

I don't know Jess...once again the technical aspects of the poem hold together well but for me personally there was not a lot of depth in the "storyboard" driving the poem. After reading it repeatedly I was left with the imagery of....poem opens with the main character seemingly standing on a cliff or a bridge thinking about jumping and ending everything but then for no apparent reason finds the inner strength to carry on...classic good prevails over evil or typical mood swing of one who is suffering from depression..I don't know..the whole last part of the poem kinda of left me wanting. Like maybe you need to give the saving grace or the turnaround to hope more reason or depth for the change from evil to good. Maybe she sees a brand new sunrise, or shelters a homeless lost puppy, or a perfect stranger extends a loving hand out to her. Some external factor that's seen in her conscious mind as giving her hope to carry on.

[Tina Marie]

How about, 'Everything in front of her seemed all in haste?' Just a suggestion. You have a gift my young friend, and I would never give up on it.

[Jess]

I'll see
Thank you :)