The Calming Effect of Breathing

Finding unbelievable answers in unexpected places.

I am lying on the ground

all I see are the dark shapes that surround

I remember not how I came here

for my entire body, a thousand daggers do sear

Though I twist and turn about, I remain encaged

and steadily I become more enraged

There are others like me

and beside them a man I see

I am angered at the sight of Him

How could He do this to them?

As I think this He approaches me

and I greet Him with respect as they have coached me

I resume my twisting to which He says, "Cease"

At this my voice begins to increase

"'Cease' You say. Why in this pain must I stay?"

"Please only do as I say"

I disregard this reply in distrust

and fix my eyes on the footprints in the dust

Others are escaping, and I must know how

The man says, "Please, heal yourself by listening to me now"

The urgency in His voice

tells me this is the right choice

So in this moment I surrender

my attempts at freedom, which these daggers do hinder

On His face is a look of delight

as I surrender this fight

However, much to my suprise

comes a change in my demise

A sense of healing overcomes as these daggers lift

and I am overwhelmed by this unexpected gift

He throws my daggers against a wall

I try to walk, yet I am weak and fall

He catches me and puts me on his shoulder

as the dark shapes become more colorful and bolder

I realize now we are on a heavenly beach

and of this fact He has been trying to teach

Remembering songs of long ago, I look at His footprints in the sand

and rejoice at His healing hand

After a moment we begin to soar

and all my pain is here no more

As we begin to take flight

I realize that in surrendering this fight

I did not give in

I merely chose to win.

Reviews

[R J Askew]

I like the title, which would capture my attention in any queue of read requests. I am not religious myself but I do like conviction writing even if I don't share the conviction. The rhyme is gentle and does not get in the way or feel forced. But more than anything I like the personal drama of the situation. Poem is also very positive and optimistic which is uplifting. So I enjoyed it. I could almost imagine George Fox or William Blake feeling this. I think they would nod approvingly at the nourishing quality of faith you nail to the page.

[SM Davis]

This is a superb rendition. I assume it is of the poem footprints? Well written and emotive piece. The only question I have is actually just mechanical.

"At this my voice begins to increase". The voice doesn't increase...perhaps the echoes of your voice or the volume of your voice... perhaps "at this the sounds of my voice increase" or something like that.

If I am allowed, I will give 100 daisies...for this is truly a wonderful piece.

[L.G. Knight]

The lack of meter in this is charming... makes the it read more like a story than a poem... the rhymes are simple and yet sweet and the story itself is wonderfully done... very vivid writing, great attention to detail and a wonderful message... very well done!

~Frances~

[AK]

So there!
Sounds like a dream we all have had at one time or another. I only hope that all choose to win!
Nicely done!

[Edmond Dantes]

well done, i like your rhyme pattern here and the story overall.

[Crazy Cat Man]

thanks for reminding us of the importance of calmness........when situations are bad...its important to relax. great piece....the rhyme and flow is perfect...a slick roll of the tongue. :)

[indianhost]

i like your poem it show the will never to give in no matter what well done

[kurrupted]

Lovely write, deep and thought provoking.although i have a multi-facet view for this magnificent peom, the bottom line is i see a phylosophical and yet faith related theme. strong imagery with lines well connected...the rhyming is cool too.thanks for sharing...double thumbs up

[DarkAngelWriter]

OoOoOoOoOoOo... I really like it.
"Footprints in the Sand"... I remember that little story and this is a beautiful companion to it.
Great write.

[robin]

Yes I see the whole gospel thing here. I enjoy and would support anyone in their coming to be more real. The part of this poem that escapes me is the fairy tale quality. Redemption is certainly a granted thing. But I'm not keen on the notion that problems are whisked away without our struggle and insight in repentant reconciliation. That's the whole point of the Atonement, to return the power of choice to us in the resolution of our sins without a fire and brimstone God of wrath and indignation at our Original Sin.
There is some recollection in the end of lessons learned before...but again what good are they in hindsight and what surprise should it be for a devotee to be saved Deus Ex Machina? (by the Hand of God)
Your preface is an immodest overstatement of your ignorance.Overall the write is good. It could be in a greeting card. Will other devout people be so "surprised".