The Calming Effect of Breathing

Finding unbelievable answers in unexpected places.

I am lying on the ground

all I see are the dark shapes that surround

I remember not how I came here

for my entire body, a thousand daggers do sear

Though I twist and turn about, I remain encaged

and steadily I become more enraged

There are others like me

and beside them a man I see

I am angered at the sight of Him

How could He do this to them?

As I think this He approaches me

and I greet Him with respect as they have coached me

I resume my twisting to which He says, "Cease"

At this my voice begins to increase

"'Cease' You say. Why in this pain must I stay?"

"Please only do as I say"

I disregard this reply in distrust

and fix my eyes on the footprints in the dust

Others are escaping, and I must know how

The man says, "Please, heal yourself by listening to me now"

The urgency in His voice

tells me this is the right choice

So in this moment I surrender

my attempts at freedom, which these daggers do hinder

On His face is a look of delight

as I surrender this fight

However, much to my suprise

comes a change in my demise

A sense of healing overcomes as these daggers lift

and I am overwhelmed by this unexpected gift

He throws my daggers against a wall

I try to walk, yet I am weak and fall

He catches me and puts me on his shoulder

as the dark shapes become more colorful and bolder

I realize now we are on a heavenly beach

and of this fact He has been trying to teach

Remembering songs of long ago, I look at His footprints in the sand

and rejoice at His healing hand

After a moment we begin to soar

and all my pain is here no more

As we begin to take flight

I realize that in surrendering this fight

I did not give in

I merely chose to win.

Reviews

[R J Askew]

I like the title, which would capture my attention in any queue of read requests. I am not religious myself but I do like conviction writing even if I don't share the conviction. The rhyme is gentle and does not get in the way or feel forced. But more than anything I like the personal drama of the situation. Poem is also very positive and optimistic which is uplifting. So I enjoyed it. I could almost imagine George Fox or William Blake feeling this. I think they would nod approvingly at the nourishing quality of faith you nail to the page.

[Kaleidoscope Apocalypse]

This is quite a positive piece! It was very inspiring as well.

This had a nice flow and I think you've written a wonderful poem!

Keep it up!

[Lalli]

heather, nice job poet!

The concept you are playing with is creatively enjoyable. You have an effective use in rhyme for the most part.. i will say as it opened my mind greatly when i was told, try to not let the rhyme restrict what you are wanting to say. But nevertheless you accomplished the message, and portrayed you words very well. The images, and descriptions could be seen and felt. I really the idea you used... seriosuly to be encaged by this pain, that you can't stop and despising the only person free of the cages, only to find out that it was god, the whole time calling out for you in hopes you'll listen. I don't think there is a better way to tie "the footsteps in the sand" line in to the poem. I really enjoyed this read.. thank you for sharing darlin

and welcome to the cafe ;-p

much love n respect

-Lalli

[~Wandering Soul~]

this is brilliant
i agree with the last two lines
they are so brilliantyl true
i love this and i can see it ealting to me in my gfaith as a chriatian
thankyou for posting this it is brilliant
xx
wandering soul

[Kara Emily Krantz]

oh gosh this is lovely!!! :)

the strange part is... believe it or not... i'm totally listening to a "soaking" cd right now - a christian healing music cd.... which is just ridiculous, and i can only take that as a sign that i was supposed to read your piece right now, and meet you right now :)

so that makes me really happy. life is so amazing - it's crazy connections. i'm finally openign my mind and heart to them, fully.

"As I think this He approaches me

and I greet Him with respect as they have coached me"

such a great line - i love how you manage to both question outdated and forced values, and also embrace the beauty of Him - all in one piece.

gorgeous.

[[untitled]]

Wow! I really, really enjoyed reading this! To be your first poem, I must say I'm curious about the rest! I look forward to future posts!

This reminds me of a poem I just added. The Other Murdoch. I too was lying on the ground in darkness (it was 5 am). The complete silence of the night was what inspired it...

The first thing I notice is the rhyme. I love rhyme! I'm not very good at it, so it's always great reading something with it.
Your descriptions are precise and very powerful! I can totally see this all in my head. Now I'm the one lying on the ground!
The fact that you put dialogue in your poem the way you did makes my eyes sparkle. Seriously. I've always thought it was a great way to write poems! I've tried, but all I've gotten were lyrics to my favorite song...
The poem itself flows very well! I mean... I really can't find any speed bumps or potholes in the way! You tell yourself it'll take forever to read and are finished the next minute! Great pieces do that.

I noticed you capitalized every he and his. You seem to put the person undercover. In a good way though. Sometimes it's best to use pronouns instead.
This poem actually made me feel good at the end. Very positive. "as the dark shapes become more colorful and bolder" and "Remembering songs of long ago, I look at His footprints in the sand" of course were my favorite lines. It's very hard to choose considering all of them were great. I loved your ending by the way! Couldn't have done it any better!

[John Stussy]

Seems like breathing has the same effects on you as playing music does to me. It's always about the small things in life that can heal no matter what there is in our lives. Not a bad poem, the rhythm was off in a few places but you get the point across. Excellent rhyme scheme as well. Keep up the good work.

[Kyle]

i usually dont like rhyming poems, but your use of rhyme is a sucess in my opinion! i love the storytelling aspect of the poem and the ending is exceedingly uplifting, i hope to read more of your work soon.

[Pakino]

Creative. This poem can be viewed in different aspects. What I got out of it is that the poem is describing our process of breathing through a fictional way. I like it really original and done well.

[[untitled]]

An excellent write in rhythm and rhyme with well chosen descriptive phrasing in elaborate verse. I enjoyed reading it, and look forward to reading more of your wonderful talent. Thank you for sharing

[[untitled]]

Good one!!! You don't really give much away until the end of the piece and some may not even realise it then! The mention of 'Footprints' is a good move on your part, I still feel that with a message piece such as this you could be a little clearer in motive...having said that, I undrstood it perfectly, but I am a believer so it was easy for me. I would ditch the rhyming because I think it takes away from the flow somewhat, but that is personal opinion (not keen on the rhyme) Overall a good example of a guru's heart...
Cheers and welcome to the cafe...OLE'
Heen :-))