Prologue

“So this is how it ends?”

The thought raced through my head as flames sprung forth from the earth and came closer to me. 

They transformed into chains.  An amalgamation of oranges, yellows and reds flickering and intertwining until the colors became indistinguishable and one.

The chains began surrounding me and started inching closer by the second. 

I know I'm going to die and it wasn’t how I imagined it would be.  My life didn’t flash before my eyes.  I felt panic and terror, but above all else an inexplicable sense of grief and loss.

The smoke began to irritate my eyes and cloud my vision.  I wildly looked around searching for escape, when I noticed two men.   

One chained to a wall and struggling, while the other stood in front of me and stared.  For a moment, I stared back and am enthralled by the only thing I can make out through the haze of smoke"his eyes.  Eyes the color of dying embers.  Eyes that instead of being the warmth their color denotes are as cold as ice. 

As the flames finally wrapped around me and the excruciating pain and acrid smell of charred flesh hit me, the other man shouted in a familiar voice, “I will find you!  No matter how long it takes or where you go, I will follow!”

These are the last words ringing through my head as the smoke and pain became too much and I finally give in.

Author's Note

I'm a new writer so any feedback would be greatly appreciated

Reviews

[WriterGirl247247]

I'm typically not into supernatural fiction, but I really like this. You start off with a bang that pulls your readers in. And make them immediately invested in Astrid and worried of her fate.

There are a couple of things you might want to correct. The first being "'his eyes," instead of "His eyes." The other one is when you're describing the man's eyes. I get what you mean, but the sentence might need some rewording. It's halting and disrupts the flow of the story. It could be as simple as adding a comma somewhere.

I'm curious about the chained man. Hopefully we'll see more of him, because he seems close to Astrid.

Nicely done. I'm reading the next chapter this afternoon.

[Coyote Poetry]

A very good introduction. Create situation and mystery. I wanted to know and read more. You open strongly and made the reader want more. Thank you Jackie for sharing the excellent introduction.
Coyote

[genocide]

they transform into chains this is very good good imagery im going to read your second chapter my dear

[matrixmark]

For a prologue this sets up the main story nicely. Good descriptions of flames at the beggining - very vivid and alive. Loved how she got engulfed by the flames and a man was telling she would be found. Very mysterious opening but certainly different.

Really good prologue to what i suspect a bit of a mystery and thriller coming our way.

Mark.