Rule Breaker: Chapter 3

After a seemingly endless car ride and Leo complaining why I had him ride in the car as a small kitten we finally arrived in the town called Crestview. Our first stop arriving into the town is a small diner because this town is so freaking small they couldn't even afford to put a Denny's here. We pull up to the dinner called Uncle Joe's pancakes house and we get out the car. "All im saying is you didn't have to make me stay as a kitten the entire time." Leo says morphing back into his human form.  Popping his neck and stretching while giving me the death stare." Yeah I did because you pissed me off before we left."

          Before leaving I was checking my bags and making sure I needed everything on this journey phone charger, clean clothes, books, wallet, guns, knives, etc. And when I went to check my last bag I go to look inside it to make sure everything is in order when a king cobra pops out of the bag. I scream and fall on my a*s And the king cobra starts laughing and turns into Leo. So I in retaliation order him to remain a kitten the entire ride.

      We get a corner booth toward the back of the diner away from the couple of people that are there eating there hangover meals at 3 in the morning. "I don't care what you say the cobra in the bag is a classic." Leo says. We order our food from a waitress that's about 19 or 20 still to young to consume alcohol. " Anyways" I say putting my menu down " tell more about the missing people and the murders." Leo pulls out 6 folders in total, "Jordan Andrews, Marissa Scott, Luke Taylor, all went missing after a bonfire party on a Saturday night about a month ago." I take the files from him and examine the faces of all the missing people Jordan Andrews looks like the type of guy who spends all his time on the water or doing sports, athletic and tan with blonde hair that covers his eyes. Marissa Scott a pretty girl who hasn't yet realize how cute she really is with bright brown eyes and dark brown hair cut to her shoulders. And finally Luke Taylor looking at his photo I can tell he's the type of person that no father wants there daughter to date black hair with blue eyes that look like there up to some kind of mischief.

        All three of these kids have gone missing due to something supernatural and its my job to stop it and here I am calling them kids and im just a few years older then them. " Jordan Andrews SUV was found crashed in the wood line about 30 minutes away from Luke's house." I look up from the files and ask Leo " was there anything out of the ordinary when they found the car." Leo reply's " The SUV when found looked as though it crashed into a tree just not the tree it was found in front of, also it looks like two of the seatbelts were ripped from the seatbelt clicker." That makes me raise my eyebrows " Just the two seatbelts not all three of them." I ask munching on my bacon the waitress had brought our food and my stomach was doing flips how hungry I was.

        I look around and see a couple of guys follow the waitress who had brought our food down the hall toward the bathrooms and the look on their faces was one of a predator that has nothing to do with the supernatural community. " I'll be right back I need to take a leak" I said getting up from the booth. " We just got to town and your already going to start this trip with a bad start." Leo says finishing up his pancakes and nursing his coffee. I call back over my shoulder " Come on its just a little warm up for things to come." smiling with the reply I approach one of the men who I guess drew the short end of the straw. " where do you think your going a*****e." said the man, he had to be in his late thirty's and he was overweight and balding underneath his trucker had with the words on the hat saying Git-er-done on them and was wearing a gray t-shirt that barley fit over his belly with grease stains from his earlier mean and god knows what else.  " excuse me, im just trying to hit the head" I reply I notice the man is kind of confused by my mannerism, you see if you are a predator you don't want your prey to get spooked where's the fun in that?

      But this guy not being the sharpest tool in the shed moves closer to me and gets right in my face " Look boy we are busy get the f**k out of here before I ruin your pretty..." He stops mid sentence and looks me in the eyes and see's that my normally blue eyes are blood red and my brown hair has gone white. When I use the rune for the vampire clan I undergo another change my eyes go red and my hair goes white and I get a shade or two paler." What were you saying?" I smile " you said you were going to punch yourself in the face?" The man who at this point I will name porky looks down at his hand and proceeds to punch his self in the mouth splitting his lip. "Ow, what the f**k did you do!" porky cry's, I smile " I didn't do anything you're so drunk you punched yourself in the face, and now you're banging your head against the wall." Porky walks over to the wall and bangs his heads against the wall and crumples to the floor. I walk over to him and see that he has split his heap open and he pisssed himself. At this point the diner is empty except for Leo watching this play out and the cooks who are in the back completely unaware of the situation.

     I lean down and look at porky who is in the fetal position and grab what hair he has left. " Please, I was just kidding" porky cry's out, I get close to his face and look him in the eyes " listen you fat f**k, I want you to leave a nice tip for that nice waitress then I want to get in your piece of s**t truck and go home, back to your piece of s**t life. And if you ever try something like this again I will know and I will bleed you dry." I pull out a vial from on of my pockets and fill it with porky's blood and I let go of his hair. He stands up and looks at me judging weather or not he should go for a round two and thinks better he turns and stops to pay his bill and leaves a hundred as a tip. I hear the roar of a truck pulling out of the parking lot. One down one to go I mutter to myself I change back into my normal form and make my way down the hall to the bathrooms to take care of a rat problem.    

Author's Note

chapter 3 I had a little more time to write this and would love some feedback

Reviews

[Kerunai]

I just finished reading all of your chapters. :D The story line is marvelous. I love your ideas about the tattoos and such. I like the attention you give to the people. You generate questions each time you end a chapter, then in the next you answer some while creating more! Good job!

Now.. I've given the honey, it's time for the hammer. You do have some editing that is needed. I saw a lot of commas that were needed, some capitalization, the basics. My advice is to find an editor, or an editing app to help out with this.

That said, you have a great story going here, and I think you should keep with it. Get the words out of your head and onto the cyber-paper! You can always worry about editing later on down the road. :)

[John B]

First thank you! It means a lot to see other people liking my story, and you're right about my editing poopewpachoo also shares your opinion on my grammar and editing I get so caught up I just put the words to cyper paper lol but again thank you! I'm glad you like the tattoo idea coming from two people I feel like I'm on the right track with that!

[Kerunai]

You absolutely are. I have only seen the "Runes" Idea once before, on a television series. It's an underused and rather interesting concept. If you need help with editing, never hesitate to ask.

[John B]

Thanks appreciate it if you need my opinion on any of your work just ask!

[Kerunai]

I'm always happy for crit on any of my works. :)

[Poopewpachoo]

Well, the usual suggestions from me (I know they're getting old by now): spacing, wording/spelling, grammar... all a bit awkward and could use some fine tuning.

Also, I found it very confusing how you went into so much detail about Porky, but you didn't describe how Leo looked in his human form at all... Was he a full human? Or more spectral since he's more of a familiar? I just find it weird that you would describe a minor character that doesn't matter, but not one of the main. I don't know; it felt weird to me.

Um, so I LOVE the vampire clan power. It's way too cool. I honestly really enjoy seeing the main character (btw what's his name? I don't remember if you ever mentioned it or not) use all of his runes/tattoos. It's really, really interesting!
Oh, and what's up with him putting the guy's blood into the vial? Can he kill him with that any time he wants?
I'm so sorry for all of the questions >.<

I'm looking forward to your next chapter, so please continue to write :) I like the story so far.

[John B]

Haha thanks for the criticism I actually like it and you're right I'll go back and detail more of Leo and fix the grammar and the vial of blood he took I'll explain more in the next chapter. But seriously I really like you opinion on what I can do better and I'm sorry I haven't had a chance to look at your chapters I just got home but I'm reading them now!

[Poopewpachoo]

I'm glad I can be of help to you. You've seriously got an interesting story here, so I just want you to make it as best as possible.
Okay, cool! I'm looking forward to the upcoming chapters, then.
And don't worry about it! Take your time. My chapters in Those Who Struggle are a bit long. Plus, I still need to edit chapters 3 and beyond (not like it's a lot to edit, but just small details).