I miss her

This poem is almost a sequel to "SOS". It deals with eating disorders and grief. If you are sensitive to this or uninterested, please don't read.

I miss her

I think about her every day. 

Every time

I close my eyes

I see her face.

I can't take it!

She makes me an insomniac.

Panic attacks daily

are driving me crazy.

Somebody save me,

It's cardiac

Arrest. 

I try to suppress 

The bitter memories 

Of her embedded in my 

Heart.

So I start

Skipping lunch,

I don't each much.

I don't need much.

Just some Lewis 

To get me through this.

Alice was the one to prove it:

Being insane is

Really okay

So long as you remain

Quiet, embrace your pain.

Feed your brain with

Images of famed diseases. 

"Don't idolize",

Just feast your eyes 

On the real prize: thin. 

Don't let the dark part of you win. 

I don't consider it

A gift. I don't mean to glorify it. 

I just think that this s**t

Should be recognized

And put in the light.

No one noticed mine,

So I cried alone. 

But it's time to say No

To Ana and her ways. 

Move on to future days

I'm begging the me in one year

To stop living in fear

Of judgement from peers; 

We are not put here

To hurt one another

Or spit on our brothers. 

We are homes 

Made of bones and electricity. 

Are you missing me?

I've replaced you,

But not with a who.

It's a what, I'm down in this rut

With a monster looming over me. 

She looks like me... 

Brown eyes, brown hair,

Is that you there?

No... 

It's the evil grin 

I feel from within.

The loathing begins

As the realization sinks in.

I'm the devil.

Conversing with myself.

In SOS,

you thought I was distressed. 

Fighting with the best sadist of this time. 

But you were reading my mind,

I know because I wrote it.

I displayed my brainwaves

Like a Shakespearean play. 

I even had cues and a stage!

But the cast was little old me,

I cloned me to be the 

Sickness and the Surrender.

I still miss her. 

Author's Note

Any grammar errors were intentional. This one is hard to understand without having read SOS