3 A.M.

3 A.M.

A Poem by justice

A kid with a deflated red balloon

peeks over the booth

at Village Inn

at three in the morning.


His second-hand

Power Ranger

hand-me-down t-shirt

features a ten-year old

grape juice

stain.


His eyes -

bloodshot and heavy

with the weight

of dependent parents -

meet mine.


His hands -

calloused

like a thirty-year old

construction worker's -

grip the balloon

with white knuckles.


he asks:

"May I please borrow your ketchup?”


I oblige

and hand him the bottle.


He thanks me,

hands it to his father,

and returns to his french fries.

© 2010 justice


Author's Note

justice
This is another beginning. What do you think?

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Featured Review

I really enjoyed this poem because you took an ordinary every day, 10 second encounter and turned it into meaningful art. Through the observation of less then a minute you were able to say so much about this child and his life. So much emotion poured though- I loved it! You described him as a kid, but yet he breathed the air of age. Experience had molded wrinkles in his soul and you describe that beautifully. The imagery is great here as well, especially the way in which you describe his hands. GREAT PIECE! :)

Posted 13 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

This is truely touching...I love how he's just a kid, but he seems like he's so much older. Reminds me of my brother a little bit, since my mom was sick when we were younger and my step dad was working. He always took care of my sisters and myself, no matter what happened to him.

Posted 12 Years Ago


This is a story within a story waiting to be told. You've brought introductions to themes in this quite short but highly descriptive poem, laid it out then, finished with a very ordinary, '.. and returns to his french fries'

There's real tragedy in that child, the reader wants to know more, will wonder what and if, 'His second-hand ~ Power Ranger ~ hand-me-down t-shirt ~ features a ten-year old ~ grape juice ~ stain.' He's uncared for, yet, he's been taught good manners. 'May I ..'

You've written a mystery story, I need to know more but never will.


Posted 13 Years Ago


very descriptive!!! you make wearing a power ranger shirt, eating some french fries and holding a balloon so beautiful! this is a great poem! i like your style very much!

-light-

Posted 13 Years Ago


amazing write....i liked the way you captured 'Life' in this piece. very very great.

Posted 13 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Tragic. No child should be up that late.

Posted 13 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Its daunting to say the least... i especially like the effect with line 16. This is really good, kudos.

Posted 13 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

it's odd because I feel more like I can relate to the child, than the narrorator in this one, very well done.

Posted 13 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

I really enjoyed this poem because you took an ordinary every day, 10 second encounter and turned it into meaningful art. Through the observation of less then a minute you were able to say so much about this child and his life. So much emotion poured though- I loved it! You described him as a kid, but yet he breathed the air of age. Experience had molded wrinkles in his soul and you describe that beautifully. The imagery is great here as well, especially the way in which you describe his hands. GREAT PIECE! :)

Posted 13 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

i prefer the original

Posted 13 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

the first stanza encapsulates the essence of the whole piece. An excellent job, great language used with 'calloused' hands - to me it portrayed not only his internal suffering but maybe the suffering of his family as a whole? Great job, keep it up!

This review was written for a previous version of this writing

Posted 13 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.


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1467 Views
23 Reviews
Rating
Shelved in 3 Libraries
Added on November 22, 2010
Last Updated on November 30, 2010
Tags: sad, kid, late, night, poem
Previous Versions

Author

justice
justice

Omaha, NE



About
I am an out of work, out of school, out of luck 21-year-old trying to make it in the world of writing. I am fairly new to sharing my work and I am just looking to improve myself. I welcome ALL critici.. more..

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