Bewilderment

just lost..

Time is slipping on the sundial,

taking my life away.

Neither, do I want it to stop,

nor, do I want it to sway.

Let me get down to earth,

maybe, I will live again.

Or let my soul drift free,

passing onto another land...

Author's Note

Constructive criticism is expected.
Thank you for your time.

Reviews

[Avinash]

Would not call it an escapist poem but a longing for a dream land held closed in heart.

[Jyoti_Ablaze]

Well, maybe it is...
Thank you very much for the kind words!

[Stan Lee]

Time waits for no man or woman...
As always, wonderful imagery :)

[Jyoti_Ablaze]

Thank you very much, Andrea!

[An owl on the moon]

Such dark shadows on your sundial's path. as your life seems to wander, to meander from the lighted places. Yes, you will dance in day, or find the passage into night, another world waiting for your energy to converge. Beautifully bittersweet, dear Jyoti.

[Jyoti_Ablaze]

Thank you very much Craig, you almost described my journey! :)

[Einstein Noodle]

i like the use of the sun dial ... it does show the passing of time but only with the sun shinning :) a gleam of hope, happiness etc. but what i really love is the recognition and acceptance of a mortal human being with their own time to die ... guess we will all find out at the end whether we are done or must have a do over ... respect must be given for all beliefs but i am convinced there can be only one ;) may we all far well ..
E.
ps aren't you a little on the very young side of things to ponder your death :) of course it can happen anytime at all and no one is given a guarantee ..but you should wait until your 40's to begin to even give a passing thought ... that's what i think

[Jyoti_Ablaze]

Thank you for you wonderful insights on the subject E. I appreciate them very much.
And as for the thought of our end, it does comes in the time of gloom so very obviously, otherwise I try to live my life to the fullest! YOLO!
Thank you very much for your concern. :)

[Einstein Noodle]

:) .............

[nupur chauhan]

Short sweet n simply expressive... Nice flow .. Keep it up dear

[Jyoti_Ablaze]

Thank you very much Nupur! I appreciate your kind comment.

[nupur chauhan]

Urs mostly welcome dear 😊👍

[Salvatore]

That's what someone would say or think when everything goes wrong. Me too, sometimes in the past I found myself thinking like this.

[Jyoti_Ablaze]

Yes sometimes...
Thank you for reading.

[wordman]

a profound thought,loved the theme of the write

[Jyoti_Ablaze]

Thank you wordman!

[Eliot Knight]

Short and bittersweet, neither here nor there. Good work! I'm actually feeling like this these days.
as for Grammar, 'Passing onto another land.'
uhh as for the neither/nor usage, it sounds odd/wrong? Doesn't weight right and such structures usually require balance.
'Neither wanting it to stop, nor wanting it to sway'
or ' I dont' want it to stop, nor do I want it to sway'

[Jyoti_Ablaze]

Thank you for your helpful insights, I will surely see what I can do in sometime, festival time in India, too much on the plate! But I will rectify the errors soon. Thank you for pointing them out.

[Eliot Knight]

Your welcome!

[Emily]

Great wording and great poem!
Keep it up!!

[Jyoti_Ablaze]

Thank you, Emily!

[MelissaAndres]

Life it what you make of it and we all need to make it fun! Very nice piece. Love the picture too.

[Jyoti_Ablaze]

Indeed.
Thank you Melissa for your commentary!

[MelissaAndres]

You are very welcome.