Of course he hates it

Sitting at the dinner table isn't the same, it isn't how it used to be, it's different in many ways, some good, some bad, but Ethan only saw it as an annoyance. He sat there, looking down at his food and moving it around his plate. I don't think he quite got the importance eating dinner together as a family, but of course he was only 15, why should he care? "So.. Ethan, how's dinner?"

"I hate it." He said with a spiteful tone to his voice. 

"Oh."  I said quietly. Of course he would, of course he would hate it, i made it, he hates everything i make. 

"Yeah."

My eyes trained on my hands, i didn't want to make eye-contact, i didn't want him to see the sadness and ting of hate in my eyes, he feeds off of it, he wants to break me. Why does he dislike me so much? This was his favorite dish, he used to love it when his father and i made it together when he was younger, maybe it was triggering? 

"I'm sorry, would you like me to make you something else?" 

"No. I hate everything you make. I'm going to bed." He walked away with a sneer on his face.

"Ok, well goodnight"

Silence, That's that, i could reprimand him, but why? He'll only resent me more, or get what he wants,  at this point i don't even know what's going through his mind, the only thing i can hope is that this is just a phase. I've taught him acting out like this is not ok, i've been down that road, but he doesn't care, if he doesn't try then why should i? He's always acted out from a young age, all i can remember is getting so frustrated, he always used to feed off of my sadness, and he always will.

It makes me wonder, does he really get enjoyment out of this? But then i remember who he is, and  he does, he really does. 

With that, i poured a glass of wine and turned on the television.  

I remember when i told him i was pregnant, he didn't take it well at all, he wouldn't talk to me for days, i can't help but think if it weren't for the miscarriage Nicholas and i might have lasted longer. 

It seemed as though happiness was not very common in this house, it almost seemed as if Ethan had preferred it this way, but i didn't, i'd love for it to be like the old days-though most of them weren't very good, there was a short period of time that were almost great.