Making Amends

*WARNING* I am not rating this chapter a mature, i think it should be under PG, if you are a sensitive person to things like mention of animal death with almost no details please refrain from reading

I was late..again, he always made sure i was late to work. The office was empty, it was a slow, quiet day, i couldn't help but wonder why anyone would choose to work here, it was always quiet, there was almost nobody here, it was so..boring. "Morning, Ann. Late again huh?"

I slowly turned my head in the direction the voice came from, it turns out it came from Ellie a tired looking, sad, frail woman i work with. She sat at her desk with a sigh. I hadn't seen her at work lately, i couldn't help but wonder where she had been. She tied her long thin hair  brown hair into a ponytail, making the bags under her eyes more apparent, her eyes told a story, and it was a story of despair, she was in her late 30's and she was newly divorced, she looked miserable.

I looked at her and forced a smile. "You know how it is."

I said casually, she only nodded, she seemed to know 'how it is' more than i did, i couldn't begin to wonder what she went through at home. 

I looked at the stacks of paperwork in front of me, i didn't want to do it. I soon got lost in thought.

Sometimes i wonder why i married Nicholas, i loved him, i did, but if i had known the cost, i'd have never done it. 

I remember when Ethan was six, Nicholas had started some pretty hard drugs, he had become an alcoholic, he was never home. I wonder if that's why Ethan fancies him, maybe it's because he doesn't know him. I had gotten laid off, i started to drink and became an alcoholic as well. Ethan...he was just in the middle of it all, he wanted to know why daddy was never home, why mommy never knew what was going on, why she'd say funny things and speak nonsense, he was confused, most of all i think he was frustrated, daddy would be mad at mommy one second and the next they'd be laughing and joking.I could never handle my alcohol, it would always get the best of me, when i drank i was a mess.

Nicholas began beating me by the time Ethan had turned seven,

it was my fault Nicholas had started beating Ethan because he knew i wouldn't like it, he'd do anything to get a rise out of me, and my motherly instinct would take over, by the time i would get Ethan safe to his room and told him to stay there he wouldn't listen, he'd take his fathers side. I remember he'd always say things like 'If we hate her so much why don't we just leave?' He thought his father was right for beating me, if Nicholas and i started fighting it was always 'Well what did you do this time?'. Nicholas and i had gotten divorced when Ethan was eight, I later got a job as an accountant and the stress pilled up, i soon started taking my anger out on Ethan, if he wouldn't listen or was having an outburst i'd hit him, i never wanted it to be that way though, i don't know what i was thinking but it was not at all right. What made me stop was one time i gave him some markers and paper i told him if he was bored he could draw, but i couldn't stress it enough, i specifically told him to only draw on the paper, and one day when i came home the walls were covered in marker, every inch of every wall, i was so upset, i was frustrated, i didn't know what to do, he smirked at me, i swear he did, i had shoved him and he fell into the table and he hit his head, after that i never laid my hands on him again, i'd never felt so bad in my life, i was lucky he didn't get a serious injury, i never should have hurt him, and i don't think i'll ever forgive myself for it.

Ethan had never really liked me in the first place, he's resented me since age two, i don't know why though, maybe he could tell i didn't fancy the idea of him, of having a child, i had never told him that though. When he was little, i'd try to read to him and he'd plug his ears and make sure he couldn't hear me just to upset me and then he'd tell me to leave. 

Or when i tried to teach him, he would throw a temper-tantrum, he would start messing up his homework, tearing the papers, throwing his pencils, if i ever tried to teach him, he wouldn't do it, period. But if it was the teacher, he had no problems, he was outstandingly intelligent and 'the best in his class'. 

Nicholas thought i was stupid, he thought i was making it all up so that  i could get him to focus more on me and not on Ethan, but that was never the case. 

I felt a hand on my shoulder and i jumped, snapping me out of my thoughts. "Ann, it's time to go home." Ellie said wearing a concerned expression.

I looked at the clock and realized she was right, and i hadn't gotten any work done.. i looked up at her and nodded before gathering my things and clocking out. 

Once i got home i saw Ethan was sitting at the table, leaning back in his chair, it seemed as though he was focusing on something in his hands.

I put my bags down and looked at him, he was holding a pocket watch, one his dad gave him to be more specific. 

He glanced up at me and i looked away.

"Ethan."

"Mom."

I sat down at the table and looked at him, taking in his features, i hadn't seen him for a while, i mean really seen him.

It seemed as though his black hair had grown and his blue eyes had gotten more vibrant, he had a birthmark on his left cheek, it looked more like a scar now than it ever did when he was a younger.

It seems like he just looks more like his father. 

He cleared his throat and i immediately looked down.

"You look just like your father.." I said trailing off.

He stared at me with an unreadable expression.

"I wouldn't really know, i don't remember much of him." 

I looked at him dumbfounded, surely he'd remember his dad, we had only gotten divorced when he was eight.

"Why's that?" I asked curiously. 

"You don't remember?" He asked, looking me straight in the eyes, i only shook my head.

"Unbelievable. When you pushed me and i hit my head on the table? i couldn't remember half of the things from the years before, i forgot half of my life. The doctor said it was a miracle i remembered anything. "

Did he really? How could i not remember that?

"But don't worry 'mom' it was mostly the 'good' memories that i don't remember."

He said spitefully.

We sat there in silence for a while, i couldn't begin to explain how bad i felt, i can't believe i forgot he lost most of his memories..

He halfheartedly chuckled and i looked up at him confused.

"Hey mom, remember when i was nine and Meredith from down the street told me she had a crush on me?"

What would make him bring that up out of nowhere? I nodded.

"And i told her i always f*****g hated her and never wanted to see her face again."

 I nodded again.

"So you tried to be a 'good mother' and told me to apologize and make it up to her.

Well do you know how i made it up to her?"

A lump formed in my throat and I shook my head, all i could do was hope he didn't do something wrong, oh God, please tell me he didn't do something wrong.

"Well, she'd always wanted a cat...Can you guess what i did?"

No, no, no.. 

"You.."

"I gave her exactly what she wanted." He stated proudly, smirking and standing up.

"You killed that cat... you..you said that it wasn't you, i believed you too."

"Well mom, i guess you could say it's your fault, you wanted me to make it up to her."

He grinned. 

How? How could this possibly be my fault? Where in the world did i go wrong where my son goes out and kills a cat when he was specifically told to make amends? What in the world happened? Why did i believe him over that poor girls parents?

He grabbed an apple and looked at me one more time.

"Mom. Have i ever raised any red flags to you?"

He asked staring at me.

"No, no you haven't."

He took a bite of the apple, the sound making me cringe. 

"Good, i wouldn't want you worrying for nothing." 

He glanced at me and smirked before walking up stairs, by the time i heard the door close i was pouring myself a glass of wine.