Love Me Not
1986, Penny Herrera falls into the predatory clutches of Matt, an older man who has no other intention than to alter Pen
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Understanding

Understanding

A Chapter by Rae
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The only word for this chapter is: "busted".

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    We’ve kept this whole thing up for a month. Can you believe we’ve lasted a month? I was sure that Emelie and Hasse would have found out by now. Of course I am not calling them dense because they are far from that. Either they do know and aren’t saying anything, or they don’t know and we were just really lucky.
    I have some great news too. My butt is finally used to the handlebars on Bengt’s bike. Now I don’t have to sit in discomfort because I am so used to it. It wasn’t hard to get used to it because Bengt would pedal me to school everyday, except for the weekends of course.
    Back to the whole “being-here-for-a-month” thing, I still can’t believe it. Another thing I can’t believe is that Hasse has actually started talking more. He has joined us for dinner almost every night, and he asks Bengt and I how our day went. I’m actually getting comfortable being around a father.
    Emelie is not sick of me either. She always greets me with hugs and kisses when the two of us come home. It’s weird how I call this place “home”. It has only been a month, yet I feel so in place here.
    My mom still hasn’t looked for me. At this rate, maybe she will never look for me again. No, she has to. If the state ever found out that she kicked me out before my time, she would have some jail time to do. She’s just lucky I haven’t told on her yet.
    It was a beautiful Sunday night when I decided to finally blog about something on Barry’s blog. I haven’t talked about living at Bengt’s house or anything, but would it really be safe to put that on the internet? It should be alright, I decided. Besides, maybe I can get some more advice from those V and W sisters. I kind of missed them, even though I spoke to them only a few times.
    I quickly began typing the newest blog. It said:
“Dear Internet,
            It has been a while since I last blogged. My beautiful owner has had much happen to her in the past month. First, I’d like to go from the beginning. I was simply sleeping on the bed when a rough pair of hands grabbed me. I tried to struggle, but it was futile. I looked up to see my owner’s mother, who had me in a strong grip. She    tossed me in the outside garbage cans and left me alone. I was for certain that I would die there.
            Then, my owner found me miraculously! I was saved! She had found out it was her mother and had yelled vigorously at her. In the process, both of us were booted from the home. We were homeless.
            That same day, we were scheduled to go over to that new boy’s house to hang out. We went over, and he found out about us. He quickly told us to stay, and we are here currently. That was around a month ago.
            I have to tell you that the boy is a very nice young man. He is very sweet and seems very gentle. I wholeheartedly give my consent to their friendship. Even his parents are kind and compassionate, though they still do not know of our residency.
            The only thing wrong is my owner’s mother has not tried to look for us. I get why she would not look for me, but my owner hasn’t received any word whatsoever. She’s been kicked out before, but it was only for an hour. It has been a whole month. Any advice?
~Barry the Lion”
    I was hoping V&W would reply quick. I’m getting nervous about my mom. What if she never tried to find me? I shouldn’t think those things. She’ll come in time, right? Right.
    Not even a second later, I got the replies I was looking for. Both sisters replied to it. I sighed in relief as I read them both:
“Dear Barry,
            I can see a lot has happened to you and your owner. Getting thrown in the trash and getting kicked out sounds a bit harsh. I’m glad that your owner took our    advice and befriended that boy. At least now she has a place to stay. As for advice, I’d say that she should wait just a little longer. Perhaps her mother is looking for her, but she hasn’t noticed it yet. Stay strong and persevere!
~Wendy
Dear Barry,
            I’m just going to skip straight to the advice. Honestly, I think your owner should confront her mother. Obviously things aren’t going so good for the two of them, and they need to work out their problems ASAP. Your owner can’t stay at her friend’s house for long, and she knows that doesn’t she? Eventually she will need to go back home, and when she does it should not be at her own will. Here’s what I would do if I were your owner: I would subtly push my mother into thinking that I can make it on my own without her. The thing wrong with Wendy’s idea  is that she wants your owner to just wait it out. Why that is impossible is two things: One, your mother obviously is too proud. And two, your owner is the same way. That’s why I propose that she can drop hints at her mother, such as walking past her house and letting her see your owner. Her mother would be reminded and will eventually give in and ask for her to come home. Of course she can always call her or mail her to say that she is doing well. It is definitely a good idea for her mother to know that she still cares. Even though she might be the horrible monster that you claim she is, she’s still a mother. Stay strong and persevere as Wendy said.
~Valeria”
    Valeria had a good point. Perhaps I should give my mom a call. Or maybe I could just walk by a few times. I’d have to think of the best way to do it.
    Suddenly, the idea came to be. I could send pictures of myself. That way, she could see me without me having to see or talk to her. And she would be reminded of me in the process. It was pure genius, if I do say so myself.
    I quickly got out my camera, but before I take pictures, I had to thank the girls who gave me the idea. I quickly typed out a reply to them, saying:
“Dear V&W,
            Thank you two so much for the advice. Sorry, Wendy, but I don’t think waiting would solve anything. My owner has decided to send pictures of herself to her mother. That way my owner doesn’t have to see or talk to her to remind her. Thank you two once again for the amazing advice.
~Barry the Lion”
    I closed my laptop and began taking my pictures. I took it with a soft smile on my face, not a smirk or a frown. I took one in Bengt’s room, and I planned on taking a few outside. I wanted to make sure there was different scenery in each one so that my mom could not find out where exactly I was.
    I told Bengt and Emelie that I was going for a walk. Of course Bengt wanted to come to. I begrudgingly let him, and the two of us set off on a small adventure.
    ‘Why did you bring your camera?’ Bengt asked me.
    “I want to send some photos to my mom,” I began, “She hasn’t been looking for me, so I decided to remind her that I am gone. Maybe she’ll remember and come find me.”
    Bengt gave me a smile and said, ‘You really want her to look for you, don’t you?’
    I didn’t answer. My silence should tell him all that he needed to know. Of course I wanted her to care. I’ve been wanting her to care for the past sixteen years of my life. All she really cares about is my good grades making her look like a loving and caring mother with a smart child.
    I just want her to come find me and apologize. Even if we have to go back to the way we were, I just want to pretend that she loves me. Perhaps she does and just has a weird way of showing it.
    I took a picture, but Bengt got in the background. I growled at him and took another picture. He did it again with a smile, and he giggled happily in his mind.
    “Bengt!” I shouted, “Stop doing that!”
    ‘Why?’ he asked, ‘I want to be in one of your pictures. Can I? Please?’
    I let out a huge sigh. “Fine!” I said, “But I won’t send it to my mom.”
    ‘Fine with me,’ Bengt replied.
    I raised the camera to get the two of us both in the picture. Bengt pressed his cheek next to mind and grinned. Instead of smiling, I gave a glare and a large frown to show my discontentment. When I looked back at the picture, I realized Bengt had put the bunny ears with his fingers over my head.
    “Bengt!” I yelled, “What the heck, man?!”
    ‘You made a frown in the picture,’ he argued, ‘You deserve it. If you really don’t like it, we can take another one.’
    “No more pictures with you,” I said, “I need only pictures of me.”
    Bengt pouted, but he thought of nothing else. Once I had taken all of my pictures, I decided to have them printed professionally. Perhaps I could get double print for the one with Bengt and I. I hate to admit it, but I really liked the picture, and I’m sure Bengt did too.
    We got to the store, and I immediately went to the photo section. The boy behind the counter had the brightest blue hair I had ever seen and multiple piercings on his face. I grimaced at his look. He should definitely tone it down on the self-expression.
    “Hey,” he greeted me with a smile, “What do you need, Sweetie?”
    I tried not to snap back at him. I heard all the creepy thoughts in his head. This loser was trying to hit on me. And here I thought he might actually do his job.
    Bengt stood right next to me, grinning the whole time. The boy at the counter, his nametag said ‘Eric’, made a face as he glanced at Bengt. That gave me a brilliant idea.
    “Hi there,” I piped obnoxiously with a huge smile on my face, “My boyfriend and I are here to get some of my pictures developed. Most of them are of the beautiful me, but I had taken one of my boyfriend and I as well. Could you do that for me, Sweetie?”
    Bengt gave me a look and asked, ‘Who’s your boyfriend?’
    “You are, you idiot,” I whispered harshly to him, “And you are going to act like it or else I will physically and mentally harm you later.” I quickly put back on my sickly sweet smile.
    Bengt rolled his eyes and agreed, ‘Fine, but it’s not like I can say anything, can I?’
    I ignored him and pushed my camera towards Eric. The boy took it and murmured, “Boyfriend, huh? That’s too bad.”
    When he turned around, I gave the biggest sneer I could. That’s what he gets for trying to hit on me, jerk.
    “They’ll be ready in an hour,” Eric said, “You can look around the store for an hour if you want.”
    “Alright,” I said, pulling Bengt away from the counter.
    ‘Wait!’ Bengt suddenly cried, ‘I get it! He thought you were cute and was flirting with you! That’s why you told me to pretend to be your boyfriend, I get it now!’
    “My, you are slow,” I commented, “There’s no way I’d go for a guy with so many piercings that I can’t even see his face. That’s way too unattractive.”
    ‘Are you saying I’m attractive?’ Bengt asked, grinning stupidly.
    “Don’t let it go to your head,” I growled, “I would never say that I find you attractive.”
    ‘But, Ali,’ Bengt suddenly hugged me and said, ‘I think you are very cute yourself.’
    My face flushed red, and I growled, “Let me go, you jerk! I’ll hurt you!”
    As soon as Bengt let me go, I kicked him right in the shin. If Bengt had vocal chords, there was no doubt he would yelp. He held his shin and cried, ‘You don’t have to be so violent. Aren’t I suppose to be your boyfriend?’
    “Only when I say so!” I shouted. The rest of the hour continued with not much fighting. Well other than when Bengt found a stuffed llama and named it “Ali”. Then I stepped in to yell, “Name it something else!” and he said, ‘But “Ali” is a cute name for a cute llama!’ Other than that, nothing happened.
    After the hour passed, we got my photos back without a hassle. That Eric guy said nothing more to me, which relieved me greatly. When we got out of the store, we realized that the sun had set.
    “Maybe we can just pretend that I left from here,” I said, “You can tell your parents I said ‘goodbye’, right?”
    ‘Sure,’ Bengt agreed. When we got back to his house, I took the trek up to his window while he went in through the front door. I wasn’t aware that I wasn’t alone in the room until I finally got in and turned around. Emelie was picking up a few pieces of trash (because Bengt is extremely messy) and had noticed me come in.
    ‘Ali?’ she asked, ‘Why are you coming in through the window?’
    “Uh,” I stammered, “I… uh…”
    Bengt opened the door and stood agape with his father behind him.
    “What’s going on here?” Hasse asked from behind Bengt.
    Crap, we were so busted.

    Bengt and I both sat on one couch while Emelie and Hasse sat across from us.
    “I think I should explain,” I started, “A month ago, my mom kicked me out of my house, and I was going to live in some park somewhere. However, Bengt told me to stay here. I’m sorry we never told you, but I’ve been bunking in Bengt’s room for over a month now…”
    Emelie just sat there with eyes wide open. Hasse had no emotion on his face, and once again I couldn’t read his mind.
    Emelie got up from her seat and said, ‘You poor thing.’ and hugged me tightly.
    “You aren’t upset with me?” I asked.
    ‘Of course not!’ Emelie said, ‘I’m really glad that my son told you to stay! I would not have liked knowing you were sleeping in a park! I’m just happy that you spent your night here instead of some dirty ground.’
    A tear slid down my cheek, and I quickly wiped it away. “Thank you so much,” I said, “I’m sorry I never told you guys. I was scared that you would kick me out too.”
    ‘I would never do that,’ Emelie began, ‘Hasse wouldn’t either. Believe it or not, he has quite the soft-spot for you. He thinks you are very cool.’
    “Really?” I asked and looked at Hasse, who looked a bit confused.
    Emelie continued, ‘You can stay here for longer if you like, but promise me that you will try and rekindle with your mother. I’m sure she loves you even though you are a thorn in her side.’
    I laughed at that. Emelie had a way of cheering me up. I was very glad Bengt had such a nice mom, he definitely deserved her.
    “I promise,” I replied, “And I’ll do anything you ask me to do!”
    ‘You do that already,’ she giggled.
    Emelie turned to fill Hasse in on our conversation. He nodded and said, “I hope you and your mother work things out. What about your father? Did he have a say in it?”
    I winced and said slowly, “I… don’t have a father. I was really young when he left.”
    Hasse’s eyes widened for a second before returning to normal. He put his hand on my head to ruffle my hair. I could tell he was sorry for asking, I didn’t have to read his mind to know that.
    They were about to leave when I stopped them by saying, “Wait, where am I suppose to sleep?”
    They looked confused. Emelie asked, ‘Where did you originally sleep?’
    “In Bengt’s room…” I replied.
    ‘Then just sleep there,’ she said with a smile, ‘I don’t see anything wrong with it. I trust the both of you.’
    I couldn’t help but think that Bengt had it very well. Most teenagers would love to have parents that didn’t care if a member of the opposite gender stayed in their room. The reason why they did that was probably because Bengt was a good kid, and he would never do such a thing like that.
    Both Hasse and Emelie said goodnight to us before going off to their own bedroom. Bengt and I retreated back to his room where I plopped down on the bed with Barry in my arms.
    Bengt plopped down next to me and was out like a light in seconds. He always fell asleep really fast. I couldn’t sleep so I slid off the bed and sat on the ground with my laptop on my lap. I decided to blog about what happened. I really should keep up with Barry’s blog. I can’t just wait every month or two to write an entry. I should write every time something happens. It will be a great way to get it out of my system. I wrote:
“Dear Internet,
            We have been found out by the boy’s parents, but they were very understanding of what had happened to us. They even offered us to stay here longer, as long as my owner rekindled with her mother. I am very excited that this had happened. I knew my owner should not have worried. Everything always turns out okay in the end, though I am slightly nervous about her and her mother. Hopefully that turns out good as well.
~Barry the Lion”
    I finished and shut my laptop off. I yawned loudly and crawled back into bed next to Bengt. He was sound asleep, so moving the bed slightly did not even budge him. I laid there for a few moments and thought.
    I’ve always thought that people were mean, no matter who they were. However, I’ve seen the love that Bengt’s parents are able to give to me, a simple friend of their son’s. Could there actually be more people like them in this world? I really hope so. Maybe my perspective on people could change. I fell asleep thinking of how tomorrow would turn out. I’m sure everything would be fine.


© 2013 Rae


Author's Note

Rae
Bengt's parents are very understanding. I wish my parents were more like that. ^^"

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Added on May 26, 2013
Last Updated on June 3, 2013


Author

Rae
Rae

About
Some interesting facts about me: I'm non-binary and use They/Them pronouns, I'm a Taurus, and I have severe depression that self-sabotages me every waking moment. I've been writing since I was in 5.. more..

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A Chapter by Rae