Ambrosia

Just the opening sequence to my shelved zombie flick. I may finish it someday, I may not.

FADE IN:

 

EXT. ALLEYWAY - NIGHT

 

The wind flitters trash along the ground, moonlight casting eery shadows upon dirty brick walls.

In the distance, the distinctive CLICK-CLICKS of a woman's heels, steadily getting louder with each passing second.

 

One of the gloomy shadows enlarges, taking a disproportionate, yet feminine shape. The strides of the shadow coincide with that of the not-so-distant heels, and soon a frightened WOMAN runs into the alleyway.

 

WOMAN

(shrieking)

Help! Somebody help me!

 

Heavier footsteps follow hers, like those of a large man.

 

A bulky frame comes into view, but her pursuer is well hidden in the darkness.

 

The woman cries out again, her words blending into nonsensical screams and sobs. She turns her head and looks behind her, but her attacker has gained on her and is almost an arms length away. Out of breath, she tries to increase her pace.

 

The moon provides little lighting in this cranny of the city, and the woman does not see the chain linked fence until she collides with it. Instinctively, she begins to climb, reaching up and hooking her fingers into the rusty fence.

 

Her pursuer is upon her, however, and savagely grabs ahold of one of her legs. SNARLS, roughing trying to pull her down.

 

A cloud in the night sky moves out of the way, allowing more light to fill the alley. When the woman looks down, trying to push her attacker away, she sees its face. SCREAMS.

 

Blood oozes from it's lips as it gnashes its stained teeth, clawing at her. It GROWLS and WAILS, growing more vicious and frantic.

 

WOMAN

Oh, God! Get off of me! Get away!

 

She desperately tries to shove it away with one arm, the other clinging to the fence. Prematurely breathes a sigh of relief as it relinquishes her leg, scratches and blood (some her own, some not) trailing down her calf.

 

It suddenly grabs hold of her defending arm and BITES down on her hand, tearing at her flesh.

The woman SCREAMS again, this time out of anguish rather than fear. KICKS the creature in it's chest, sending it backwards a few feet.

 

This only stops it for a moment. It LUNGES at her.

 

In the very last second, she brings her leg up, the three inch heel of her shoe connecting with the eye of the creature.

 

It makes no sound. Falls with a wet THUD to the ground.

Reviews

[Mike Atencio]

Very cool.

Short script. I ve wanted to write one of these myself because I am asked for these but I didn't quite see it in my head. No I can.

Okay, constructive criticism:
A couple of places made me stop to figure out what was going on. Here's the example so You know what I'm talking about here:

fence. Prematurely breathes a sigh of relief as it relinquishes (Who is prematurely breathing - the monster or the woman?)

At the beginning, the man chasing her has shoes but later it growls like an animal. Show me what it looks like. If I was going to film this quick clip. I have to know what it is I creating. I got it was a werewolf wearing dress shoes.

It was a little confusing.
This sentence was really confusing because it sounds like there is a bulky man watch the monster from the shadows. The word "but" splits the idea of a single pursuer into two. One watches and the other attacks. I don't get that that is what you intended.

Great story over all. A little polishing will make this shine.
Mike

A bulky frame comes into view, but her pursuer is well hidden in the darkness.