Chapter 1

She broke away from the laptop, tilting her head to the side until it cracked, easing the tension that had built up in the hour she'd stared at the screen before her fingers began to move. Slowly at first then darting allegro across the keyboard in an intricate dance she was almost separate to. The words were almost not hers; she was aware, from somewhere in the numb back of her mind, that she was typing but the words were almost new to her as she read them off the screen. Familiar as her own once she read them, but without the seeing, impossible to identify as hers.

 

Her eyes were reflected back at her from the smoothed plastic around the edge of the screen, ringed in red and swollen to an almost ridiculous proportion. She hadn't been able to stop the tears since they'd died. It was so stupid, beyond stupid that they were gone, they couldn’t be. She'd seen them two weeks ago... they were 18. People like that just didn't die! She shivered, feeing the hysteria rise up in her again. It was too much to loose, both of them at once. It made all the arguments, the reason she hadn't been there to save them, so petty. It ate at her, she hadn't been there. She'd been at the party letting Andrew Morris of all people stick his tongue down her throat. She'd let them down in the biggest way possible and she could never apologise.

 

How do you tell someone's grave that you're sorry you were too angry with them to help them? How do you face grieving parents who think you're as shocked and as hurt as they are. Parents who don't blame you for what you know was your fault. She dry heaved, hunched over in front of the slowly blinking cursor. Her two best friends were dead and there was only one person to blame. No matter what the police said, no matter what the world thought. She'd chosen to let them going, knowing that it was far too dangerous without her, and now they were dead. The stone marble of their grave the greatest accusation of all.

 

Sarah Bedford
1994 - 2012 
Loved Daughter, Sister and Friend

What was the saying, set in stone? There was her guilt, blaring out across the finely carved marble. Pronouncing to the world the words she'd been too scared to speak at the funeral. It was like a nightmare, standing there before all the people that loved the husk in the casket.

"Sarah was my best friend, she saved me in grade 8 when we met, asked me to come over and sit with her, made friends with me. We fought, like all friends do, but I've never met someone kinder, more caring, more loving. She took care of me when i was down, and reached out when her days weren’t as good. She was so happy, so much fun to be around. Every moment with her I smiled, around her there was no other option. I remember fighting with her once. Some friends and I had helped her after a drink or two, and she'd thanked everyone but me. I was devastated. I confronted her about it, and she told me that she hadn't needed to thank me. We were past the point where it was needed. I knew she'd be there if i ever needed her, and she knew without a doubt I’d be there if she lost her way. It was beyond words.

 

Sarah never lied, not if she could help it, and knowing her, being around her, made me a better person. She was like a sister to me and"

She'd grown more and more incoherent as the speech went on, but she'd burst into tears and been led off the parapet as it became clear she couldn't put it together.

 

"And I love her so much" she whispered shakily, clutching at the sides of her head and rocking backwards and forwards. She pressed her palms into her eyes as if she could rub away the images appearing there. She had to make them fade, had to erase them; anything to stop them haunting her. She had to shut it down before the next wave of memories; she wasn't strong enough to cope with this.

 

Stefanie Washfield

1994 -2012

Loving Daughter, Sister, Friend

 

Her guilt was there, written in the stone. It was too much, too much to loose so quickly, too much to lose ever. Steff had been there for her the whole time she'd taken care of her, loved her. Been there for her even when she hadn't known she needed someone. They were a group, a team, and they were gone. She winced, the pressure against her temples painful as she tried to squish the memories from existence.

 

Anything, she'd trade anything right now to save her soul. She'd do anything to have them back, even if it was just to beg them to forgive her even if she couldn't face that forgiveness herself. Their names were an accusation, a pointed reminder of the things she tried to forget; of the things she knew she never would.

 

She shook her head, pulling herself upright as she hooked a hand in the strap of her bag and half stood. With a dispirited flick of her hand she snapped the laptop shut. She'd get it out, the whole story of how it happened and maybe she actually could be god enough to change their ending. Gulping, Kayla shut down the pangs races through her chest. She had a day to make it through; she wouldn't let them down again.

Author's Note

Half of chapter one.... the rest should be coming soon... any and all comments welcome

Reviews

[Craig2591]

Very emotionally charged! It's a good beginning. Draws the reader right in. It makes me want to come back and find out what's going on. Keep this going!

There are some minor typos that I won't even bother to point out as I am sure you will catch them with a re-read.