Vampires at Night

"Two vampires seek their prey during the night".

Your tongue it flicks,

About those lips,

At the taste of blood,

As we stoop and sip

 

From that pool,

With the crimson sheen,

We sake our lust,

Like death's dream

 

That blood it tastes,

So warm on the tongue,

Whatever our prey,

Old or young

 

Their fate is sealed,

The moment they stray,

Into our dark realm,

Where we hold sway

 

Fast or slow,

This we know,

Never again,

Will they stroll

 

Beyond their ken,

Or kindred dear,

The night is young,

And we are near

 

As the moon shines,

On our white teeth,

Those lowly mortals,

Walk beneath

 

Sometimes they hear,

The flap of wings,

But in their hearts,

It's fear that sings

 

At the sight,

As we glide near,

We bare our fangs,

And death is near.

Reviews

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I actually like this poem as it stands, especially from the vampire's pov. Their disdain for mortals really comes through here,

As the moon shines,
On our white teeth,
Those lowly mortals,
Walk beneath

I plan on reading more of your work, I like your style. There isn't really anything I can add that hasn't already been said, but thank you for sharing. =)

[Lorrie]

I like the way its written from the pov of the vampire. Although well done, I do think that there is something missing but that is the magical ability of a vampire to make you see or do what they are wanting you to do.

[Veralily]

From that pool,
With the crimson sheen,
We sake our lust,
Like death's dream

It was written quite well but I have to agree with J. Black. There is something missing. Like... there's some kind of value missing from the point. I don't know, but something isn't there. Other then that, it's quite good.

~Veralily

[Serephine]

I love this poem. It's from the vampires POV but clearly interacting the mortals feelings.

I like it, you did a very intresting piece!

[J.Black]

ah Julian, I think that something is missing in this poem to be honest. Perhaps it's the darkness and scary feel that vampires hold? I don't know if I really got that, I felt as if these vampires were friendly creatures and just wanted to kiss the blood from my lips from them being dry and him as a hard kisser. don't get me wrong, I totally like this poem and vampires, they hold a special kinda touch if you get my drift. I think you are a brilliant writer, you just need to dig deeper and I know it's in you.

[Rebecca Rogers]

Very interesting...

Sometimes they hear,
The flap of wings,
But in their hearts,
It's fear that sings

The imagery is good on this. Most people, when they think they hear something and nothing's there, feel their heart beating just a little bit faster...

[Angelic Darkness]

They don't come just in the night, but on our dreams.
We shouldn't be afraid of what we don't understand.

This poem is holding something back...it lacks their
true darkness, which is beauty. AD