Bedtime

Bedtime

A Poem by laalaxox
"

not the best... something i quickly jotted down. any feedback really appreciated:)

"

As I lay here in bed

Thoughts emptied from my head 

I escaped from reality

And let my dreams take me away instead


Some dreams scared me, others were alright

But regardless they all made me feel so alive 

I was simply living in my head 

Until the time came when I opened my lids, 

and had to wait  for this to all start once again...

© 2014 laalaxox


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Reviews

Well, the last line of the first stanza is too long compared to the first 3. And the tense of lines 1 and 3 don't agree; either (lay, escape) or (laid, escaped). And the second line, although it has the same number of syllables as the first, still sounds to me a bit awkward. How about

As I lay here in bed,
Thoughts emptied from head,
I escape from what's real
And dream dreams instead.

And the lines in the second stanza are all too long when compared with the 1st stanza, with many extrandous words. For example, the 2nd line could just be "But they make me alive".

Posted 4 Years Ago


That's a really good poem, living in your head is the best place for writers and i'm guessing from the quality of this piece you have spent some time in that happy place that is the birth of great writing, thanks for sharing :)

Posted 7 Years Ago


Simply awesome... dream makes you escape for a moment from the reality... And makes everything possible.. Love it......

Posted 7 Years Ago


Don't you think that thoughts come whenever we are just about to sleep? Those are interesting to dream about. Thank you for sharing this. I enjoyed the read. xx

Posted 7 Years Ago


Dreams can be interesting but at the same time, intimidating. Just like reality, hahaha. I find this cute. Nicely-penned. :))

Posted 7 Years Ago


Don't we all love to get list in our dreams. Very nice write : )

Posted 7 Years Ago


laalaxox

7 Years Ago

Thank you so much!
I've always loved dreaming-whether it was good or bad
"Some dreams scared me, others were alright
But regardless they all made me feel so alive"
^^ There is so much truth in this, dreams are exciting because they're so impossible, and the human heart tends to fall in love with the imposible
Thanks for sharing :)

Posted 7 Years Ago


Ally Monique

7 Years Ago

*impossible
laalaxox

7 Years Ago

Couldn't agree more!! Thank you for your kind words!
Oh yeah it seems that the pleaseantries in between day - conciousness to night conciousness are at hand. Having read a few of your oferings now you can sense the gentle strides, it is simple but simplicity does not equate to lack of care. It would be interesting to seee if you can adventure pass and try to dig further in maybe where things are not so pleseant anymore. You do have a very soft and tender way of expressing.
Thankyou for the request once again

Posted 7 Years Ago


Very true poem of what sleep means to us all. nice job!

Posted 7 Years Ago


laalaxox

7 Years Ago

Thank you!
Everybody has a fantasy they can't simply get rid of. And we often turn to our dreams just to "live" in them. Clever idea.

Posted 7 Years Ago


laalaxox

7 Years Ago

Thank you!

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Added on July 3, 2014
Last Updated on July 3, 2014

Author

laalaxox
laalaxox

Sydney, Australia



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