Home, Sweet Home

On a very rainy night, only shivers embrace him.

The lightning drew a zigzag on the sky,

He covered his ears and began to sigh.

The thunder went rumbling through,

It will be raining, those were the clue.

And soon, a raindrop touched his cheek,

Washing off the dirt that stayed for more than a week.

His face pronounced a frown as bleak as the night,

As the rain came dripping into his sight.

He hurriedly ran from where he seated,

Placed his hands on top of his head,

Suddenly he stumbled upon a solid rock,

And his knees bled but he needed to go back.

He forgot his plastic bag, his only company.

There lie the cans and bottles he'll use to earn money,

He needed to get them before someone else does,

Since they were all that he has.

He felt his knees hurt from the stumble,

He saw it bleed, he felt feeble.

Luck teased him again; he found no shelter.

So he just put a carton on his head and sat on a corner.

How chilly the night was, he felt his jaws shake! 

His stomach was filled with hunger; his wound ached.

His clothes were now wet and the darkness made him feel gloomy,

He needed a home and family, yet his destiny was miserable as he.

Author's Note

What do you think of it?

Reviews

[Blue Ivory]

You might want to say "That was the clue" in the 4th line. And "his knees bled'* :)
There are a few other grammatical errors.
Anyway, this poem is deep and it's beautiful! Just fix the errors and you're good to go. I really like the way you told the story of a homeless guy. We cross them, but it doesn't strike us like it struck you so good work!

[Lunette Lariz]

Okay, okay. I'll check on those. Thank you. :)

[Hanakuso]

This made me cry because right now I am staring at the person you just described. Coming from the same country as you, I am all too familiar with this scene. The grimy, the stagnant, the poor - they're everywhere. This should be their slogan. God job!

[Lunette Lariz]

Thanks so much, Kababayan! :')

[David Scott]

I think home can be less sweet than we desire it to be ad you so well described here. Sometimes we hide in our own pain and misery because it is what we know. It is our home for better or worse. Good write here my friend.

[Lunette Lariz]

Thank you, Sir! ^_^

[Kelsey]

This is so powerful. It really makes you think, and I love that about it. Wonderful job, and beautifully written. x

[Lunette Lariz]

Thank you! :)

[A love for poetry]

Very good piece here. Needs some better word choices. The story line was really, very good ^_^ I enjoyed this very much.

[Lunette Lariz]

Thank you! :D

[DrD]

The senselessness of homeless people in America is a disgrace that should never be forgotten and perhaps people like you, with words like these, will make their plight indeible upon the social conscience. I hope that happens because the nation needs it and you deserve it. I appreciated this work enormously.

[Lunette Lariz]

A tremendous thanks, Sir! :)

[elektra373]

sad but beautiful work. it's a shame that there are scenes like this across the globe.

[Lunette Lariz]

Thank you! :) I agree.

[amarlaksh]

The rhyming scheme is good, composition works fine.Its a good read

[Lunette Lariz]

Oh, thank you. :)

[khalid]

i think it is a really nice poem..i really like how it was penned..

[Lunette Lariz]

Thank you! :)

[Tai Ryens]

Poignant phrases and wonderful imagery, but I'm afraid it doesn't flow too well. Some lines are far too long, and others are lacking in length. No offence. It would flow better if you just corrected that mistake.

[Lunette Lariz]

Thanks. :)

[J. Write]

A sad poem can be beautiful, right. this is well written and it touched my heart. Thank you for sharing.

[Lunette Lariz]

Thanks so much it touched you. :)