Morning Breath

I wake up every morning

To stare in the face of death

I love my wife with all my heart

But not her morning breath

I put tic tacs under her pillow

And even a bottle of scope

But do you think she'll ever take a hint

Well I'm guessing probably nope

I'd swear that woman eats road kill

Or something crawled in her mouth and died

When she puckers her lips to give me a kiss

I look for a place to hide

The dog won't lick his butt anymore

He licks her mouth instead

Don't ever tell her I wrote this

If you do I'm as good as dead

Okay, you know I'm only kidding

I'm not really being mean

But you know what I got her for Christmas

Yep, a bottle of listerine

Reviews

[Amanda]

This made me laugh. ugh sometimes i have the worst morning breath but I'm glad i get the hint before anyone else does :)

[Dean Kuch®]

OMG! If I wrote this...well, suffice to say I wouldn't be able to write for quite some time. But it was hilarious (sorry wifey!)...

[Morrigan Nicole]

Cracked me up!!! Goodness, you are one funny man!

[Emerald Seas]

Too funny! Of course, if men (general statement) realized that chew and dip do the same thing (as do cigarettes) to their breath, maybe they'd think twice about sticking that crap in their mouths. Don't ask me how I know this... I will deny ever posting this comment! :)

[just is]

This is cute really, quite enjoyed this piece.