Needless

Needless to say 

I've had enough 

Been through so much 

I'm tired 

Prior to when it all started 

I was good natured 

Good hearted 

Hopeful and happy 

And then it happened 

The transition 

Was gradual 

So there's no actual 

Moment to recall 

Going through it all 

Chipped away at my stature 

Erased the smiles 

Quieted the laughter 

A novice 

At dealing with nonsense 

Which was obvious 

By the way I handled it 

Mismanagement 

Of feelings especially anger 

A lot to deal with 

In a new place 

Where no face is familiar 

Dreams shattered 

Like they didn't matter 

No respect 

Complete neglect 

Normally I would have left 

But I was stuck there 

Stuck there and unprepared 

Alone and unaware 

That nothing was as it seemed 

Sole player on a deserted team 

Selflessly thinking we 

While she 

Was selfishly thinking she 

Which left me 

Abandoned 

Supposed to be my companion 

This is nothing like I imagined 

And each day I grow sadder 

And each day I grow madder 

And this was just the beginning 

All in my face grinning and agreeing 

While misleading and deceiving 

My dumb a*s into believing 

What wasn't true 

In my heart I knew but couldn't prove 

So I put it to the side 

Until I had evidence to coincide 

With my gut 

And sure enough 

It all blew up 

And went straight downhill 

Full speed brakes failed 

Fooled me real well 

I have just arrived in hell 

Constant identity attacks 

Forced my sanity to crack 

And the previous version of me was gone forever 

Gone wherever 

The good go to die 

What remained 

Is what my brain 

Created to cope in hopes 

Of holding it all together 

Knowing I'd never 

Be the way I was again 

A shell of the man 

I was 

Damaged 

With brand new baggage 

And a hatred for love 

I shut down 

I shut down and began to build 

Walls at will 

Divorced my feelings 

From my intellect 

So I'd no longer feel 

Withdrew into myself 

As depression slowly crept 

Into my spirit 

All I wanted was out 

But couldn't get near it 

I began to fear it 

Would never happen 

On those days I cried 

To say that I didn't 

Would be a lie 

As I write this now 

A tear threatens to roll down 

My cheek 

Because this is still an open wound for me 

I truly couldn't see 

Any relief and began to believe 

That this was the end for me 

So unhappy 

That I couldn't find joy 

In the things that brought me joy 

In my head was just noise 

And a voice 

That was seldom support 

Mostly just there to distort 

Any positive thoughts 

I may have had 

Depositing flaws across 

My character 

I wanted to scream 

And I did 

Several times 

Like I was dying 

Cause I was