{drafted within}

edited_01.12.24

 ~

everything came back

came back without hesitation

the lie was so good

time dripping with anticipation

never saw it coming

i walked right into it

told myself never again

knowing fully well forever wouldn't fit

guess we were both lying

did we even stand a chance

as your music makes me nauseous

and you hate the way we dance

too different to be the same

too same to care

you never once there for me

even when my soul lay bare

~

Reviews

[willweb]

Sometimes certain situations deserve a second chance, no, actually many times they do but, that in no way means they will work out in the end. I felt this and know this (sort of). I can happily say (as far as my memory doesn't fool me) that, many time a second chance has worked enough to satisfy the questions that are often left dangling when a relationship ends. Though, you hate their music and they hate the way you dance...doesn't sound very promising to me. Nicely expressed.

[living lavender]

i second this perspective. a second chance can be the love a person needs to be shown to spark the change they will fight for in their life. ~ the question is: how many second chances should someone get {in total} per person?
{thank you for your review as always}

[Thomas W Case]

Fantastic flow and choice of words. Excellent.

[living lavender]

thank you very much :)

[Perdition]

"time dripping" "forever wouldn't fit"
So many wonderfully painful lines in this one. You dared to call out the nausea of his music then turned it immediately around with his hating how the two of you danced. The one line that truly got me was in the last stanza "Too different to be the same"....As if in your struggle to make the breakup work within your heart and mind, you put everything you could on that table to get out your emotions to accept it and into the final reality. Painful and beautiful...must read it as if you are, as we all are in those hours..." broken and bleeding to make sense" to find the solace. Beautiful as it is sad..thanks!!

[living lavender]

wow. thank you for the time you took to write out this review. i loved what you said above because the honesty it took to pen this piece out was truly "broken and bleeding to make sense" in hopes of "finding solace" ~ i appreciate the light in which you read my words. to say i felt scene by them would be an understatement.
{i imagine when pain and beauty collide it looks like ash and ice. intertwined. contrasting. but it's own creation nonetheless.}

[Perdition]

"When pain and beauty collide it looks (and feels) like ash and ice..". Loved that, and perhaps an inspiration for another great poem! A pleasure and a wonderful read. Keep writing those amazing lines~

[living lavender]

you might be right *fingers crossed* we shall see where my words take me .
but thank you once again for such kind words :]

[Blackbird]

I like this one, some baller a*s lines in there. Good stuff.

[living lavender]

thank you for stopping by.
{i appreciate the review}