Missing Minutes

Clocks thrown into the unforgiving sea,
Littering the ocean floor carelessly.
Harsh clashes in order to sustain need;
Paired with regret, tormenting viciously.
Shooting down the intangible weakness,
Catching the lost wish that slipped like a breeze.
Yet, still I race after nothing with a quickness.
Callousness of time causing blood to freeze,
And panic sets in along with relief.
Failed commemoration leaves little trace,
With clenched fists, I'll hold a fading belief.
'Cause of this lesson, I've entered a race.
One where I'm trying to reach the forgotten;
Retrieving the hands that have grown rotten.

Author's Note

Do you think the fluency could be improved? If so, please give me pointers on how. It'd be appreciated very much!

Reviews

[BluRaven aka Bootsy]

its like this takes me back to seeing who i used to be, lord knows ive made many evolutions in my time as a teenager. but this is something unique, sumn i relate to very well

[michaela]

Incredible! The rhyme is incredible!

[Andrea]

Excellent usage of words, and your rhyming skills are very inviting not at all over-done. It flows very well but if you are worried about people not obtaining the fluency so good try putting a space between every four lines and leave the last two a set. but besides that don't you dare change it cuz it's amazing.

[r]

I think it flows well. I like your word choice and the way you worded everything. I love the rhyming, too, and it's beautiful. ♥♥♥

[Distant horizons]

Nope. Flows well and a great take on a different perspective of loss. Think its great.