Prologue

 

January 17^th, 1982           

 “This is bullshit! I don’t want to die! Not here and not now!” Yoshiro shouted, fear causing his voice to crack.

“You had your chance to do right in your life, Yoshiro Hitsuga, and you failed. For that you will go to hell.” The man before him said with a cackle that made his skin crawl.

“Wait! Let’s make a deal!” He shouted as the man drew the scythe closer to his face.

“A deal with a hunter will cost you more than your life, boy.” He said as he glared at Yoshiro, his piercing red eyes staring straight through him.

“I’ll work for you! I promise! I will do whatever you say, just please don’t kill me!” he begged mournfully, hoping the hunter would spare his soul.

“You, a sinful human, are willing to become a devil as you would say? You want to become a fallen… In exchange for what boy?”

“For my soul. I want to keep my soul.” He pleaded as he watched the hunter begin to think.

“Yoshiro Hitsuga, I, the hunter of Hades, hound of hell, am here to make you a fallen. In return you will serve hell for eternity. Do my will and follow my law.” He said strong and proud as he placed his hand on Yoshiro’s head.

    He wanted to panic when he saw the bright red glow hazing around them, but he was paralyzed and unable to move from the hunter’s feet. This was his last moments as a human, as a living person, and he was graveling at the feet of his own killer, so was there any way he could have been pathetic? Pathetic, he thought, that is all I am and that is way I am paying the price for my soul. A flare of solid, unbearable pain shot through his body causing him to nearly scream and within seconds it was all over, but the pain still lingered. Around him the world faded to black and all he could do was hear the man speaking.

“Now, your life is mine and you will obey me for eternity.”

Reviews

[FayteX]

Ooooh! Interesting as always Luna ^^ I can't wait to see how it unfolds! Lol, well you may never be human again, and you will always serve hell, but at least you have your soul :D

Some editing tips~ it's your story, so you don't have to listen to these xD
The sentences in the parenthesis ( ) are your original sentences. The words in brackets [ ] are my edits.

1. so was there any way he could have been [any more] pathetic?
(so was there any way he could have been pathetic?)
The reason for this was that he was already pathetic for groveling, so in that way, he would be thinking how can he make himself any more pathetic.

2. was [groveling] at
(was graveling at)
I'm not sure what graveling is, but if it's groveling which means to bow with your face on the ground or something, then yeah. Either that or my eyes cannot read the italic A and O.

3. [Hereby] make you a fallen.
(am here to make you a fallen.)
The reason for this edit was because the hunter was originally there to kill Yoshiro right? Not to make him a fallen.

4. (A flare of solid)
Create a new paragraph at A since you jumped to a new description of the flare, and not continuing about his inner conscience.

5. is [why] I am
(is way I am)
Typo?

That's it for now ^^ Don't take it personally okay? We're all here to help each other write better ^^ So keep writing and good luck~