Light in the darkness

At times it feels too much, the burden in your mind.
I see the weight you carry, the scars deep inside,
From me you cannot hide, I can see the lies,
There is a lot of pain, nestled behind those sad eyes.

Hope is an acronym, just take it apart
Hang On Pain Ends, the pain will slowly depart.
F.E.A.R is the same, Face Everything And Rise,
Let it go, move on, cut all the bad ties.

Don't let it beat you, don't sit around and mop.
You see there's no need to fear, there's always hope.
If someone tries to help and lend a hand,
Grab firmly and lift yourself up until you can stand.

Even in the dark of night, light comes from the moon,
The darkness will disappear and the light you shall see soon.
This isn't the end, it's only the beginning,
You shall see soon, that you are winning.

Reviews

[JayG]

• At times it feels too much, the burden in your mind.

No it doesn’t. And if it did you couldn’t know it…unless you read minds?

• I see the weight you carry, the scars deep inside,

You seem to have me confused with someone else.

• From me you cannot hide, I can see the lies,

So that was you peeking in my bedroom window the other night?

My point? This poem is meaningful to you, because you know who you’re speaking about. You know the situation and the backstory. But the reader lacks all trace of context. For them, it’s someone unknown talking about someone not introduced, for reasons that aren’t apparent.

Without context, all the reader has is words in a row—meaning uncertain. Sure, when I say, “I remember that time in Mexico with Charlie. I’ll bet the rooster was never the same after that,” the words call up images and experiences from my mind. But when you read them, the words call up images and experience from MY mind—or would, were you me.

Our goal with poetry isn’t to make the reader know, it’s to give them an emotional experience. We don’t tell them, “I cried at my father’s funeral," we give the reader reason to weep. And that takes a set of skills that are VERY different from the kind of writing we were taught in school.

The short version: To write poetry you need the techniques of poetry. And like those of fiction, they are acquired skills.

You might make a stop at the Shmoop site. It’s a great resource in many fields. When you get there, select Student. Then, use the button to the left of the mid-page search window to select Poetry.

There are lots of great poems, deeply analyzed, to show the why and how of it being so effective at engaging the reader. You might also pick up a copy of Mary Oliver’s, A Poetry Handbook. Lots of people recommend it.

So…I know this isn’t what you hoped to see, but since we’ll not address the problem we don’t see as being one, I thought you might want to know.

Jay Greenstein
https://jaygreenstein.wordpress.com/category/the-craft-of-writing/the-grumpy-old-writing-coach/

[Lykos]

I wrote this as a person staring at themselves in a mirror.

Thank you for your review I i truly appreciate it.