Chapter Three- First Impressions

Ry'us arrives in the capitol and makes an incredible discovery. There's another red head in the city! Now if only he could get him to stop running away...


Ry'us somehow managed to sleep the entire six hour trip without waking a single time. That's an extremely hard feat and when he heard the voice that woke him, he was almost disappointed that he was waking up. Until he processed what he'd said. Euromeian. 
           

Ry'us' eyes shot open and he turned in his seat, staring out the window at the city view. Never in his life had he seen a view so magnificent. There were so many lights. He could only imagine what sort of power source kept them all running. It would require a generator the size of a house. No, the size of a castle! He turned around in his seat, jumping to his feet, completely ignoring the kid with the little red pocketbook.

He didn't wait like everyone else to get to the front, quickly rushing towards the door so he could be the first one out. As much as he was amazed with this train, he was eager to see the city outside it. And sure enough, the moment the doors opened he'd stepped out to the platform beyond, sucking in a deep breath. It was a breath of new life, a breath of anticipation. 
           

Ry'us hurriedly found his way to the exit and the moment he stepped through into the streets he could barely hold back his amazement. The homes here were huge. Every one of them was at least three stories tall. And from the look of it, every last one of them on this street was a store of some kind. So many things a person could buy, what would they possibly do with it all? He couldn't comprehend it. Automobiles lined the streets in dozens while more drove by. He needed to explore this city more. 
           

Now that he was here, the full reason behind his visit came back to mind. He'd been planning this trip for years now, ever since the day he found out that the people who had raised him, cared for him, and loved him, were not his real parents. He'd guessed at the truth for years. After all, he'd always been different. There weren't any other people with red hair in Lidne Falls.

This is it. Somewhere...somewhere in this city is where I was born. He took a deep breath to cool his nerves, looking left and right. He decided that left would be the best way to go. And so he started walking. It didn't make much sense, but he felt like it was the right thing to do. He wasn't sure why. Maybe he thought that by walking some sort of memory would come to him, though he knew that was impossible. He was an infant the last time he was here, not even able to walk yet. The thought that his adopted parents had found him in one of these alleys was almost impossible to believe.
            Ry'us had the sudden urge to keep moving. All he could think about was that at one point in time, this could have been his home. With all these giant stores and beautiful homes. All the streets were finely pieced cobblestone and there were concrete sidewalks on every road.

He had no real direction as he wandered through the city. He walked until there were no more stores, only houses. He walked until he passed a park and then he took a sharp turn and started moving in the opposite direction. Now there were more homes, all of them closer together and slightly smaller, but no less nice then the ones he'd seen earlier. For hours he must have walked. Occasionally people stared at him as he passed, but no one said anything to the tall fiery haired youth wandering the streets.

And then he saw it. 
           

A little flash of red out of the corner of his eye. 
           

Ry'us' head quickly pivoted to catch sight of what he'd seen. Just a moment after he'd looked, it disappeared around a corner. But there was no mistaking what he'd seen. Fiery red hair on a little boy. He quickly turned, sprinting around the corner and into the alley the boy had gone. Running around another corner was the same fiery red hair. 
           

"Hey you! Hey kid, wait up!" He ran after the kid, quickly turning the corner only to see the red hair disappear around another one. "Hey, just hold on a minute!" 
           

He chased the kid around several corners, through a network of alleyways and small streets, but every time he rounded a corner it was only to see the kid making another turn. For a moment he wondered if the kid was just leading him in circles.

“Just hold on a second kid I just...” He stopped as he came to a rather large street. “...want to talk to you.” He looked left and right, but there was nothing. No sign of the kid's red hair anywhere. 
           

"Well there goes that one." He said, shaking his head and leaning against the iron fence in front of him. The kid had led him to the very edge of the river Caldea, right by the docks. The water was peaceful, reflecting the street lights that lined the roads on either side. He let out a long sigh, shaking his head. And then he heard it. Small voices coming from nearby. He strained his ears to listen. 
           

"You got it, Mika?" The voice said. The voice of a small child. Ry'us leaned over the edge of the wrought iron fence, looking down below him. Below him was a small stone walkway on the side of the river, accessible by a staircase not that far away. And not too far down the walkway was the fiery red haired kid, right under the shadow of a large stone bridge that spanned the vast expanse of the river Caldea. He was talking to a group of kids on the other side of the river. One of the other kids had the same red hair, though the other two had dark black hair instead. They were looking around anxiously as the red head on Ry'us' side of the river jumped up to grab a rope. Someone had tied a rope from one part of the underside of the bridge to the other and the boy was now crawling across the rope upside down. 
           

Ry'us watched as the kid dropped down on the other side of the river. The kids were cheering, but from this far Ry'us couldn't make out what they were saying. Just as he was about to turn and leave a voice interrupted his thoughts.
           

"What are you doing over here?" Ry'us jumped, turning to look at the source of the sentence. Standing but a few feet from him was a rather large man in a blue uniform. The uniform consisted of a fitting blue coat with a shield insignia on the sleeve and several silver buttons and a pair of blue matching pants. Ry'us knew how to recognize a police officer when he saw one. 
           

"Something wrong with me being here?" Ry'us said, raising an eyebrow. He stuck his hands in his pockets and slightly shrugged his shoulders. "Is this private property or something, officer?" He said, in an all too innocent manner. He could visibly see the man's jaw twitch in frustration. 
           

"Listen here, boy. We don't need you standing around these parts. Its suspicious." At this Ry'us couldn't help but look a little confused. Suspicious? How the hell was he suspicious? He was just standing here, what the hell was wrong with that? He was just about to voice these opinions when Ry'us picked up on a few small things. First thing, was that two more of the officers had shown up and were slowly approaching his position. The second was the look of distrust in their eyes. And third, and to him this was the most important, was how the man's hand rested on his sword. It was practically twitching. 
           

"Ahem...well...I've got to go." And with that he suddenly ran right past the officer. 
            "Hey! Stop him!" The officer yelled. Ry'us ran for the bridge. But he wasn't even halfway across it before he saw his mistake. Standing on the bridge were at least six other officers. He stopped dead in his tracks. He turned, only to see the other three officers closing in on him from that side. He was trapped. There was only one thing left to do. 
            "Well, as much as I'd like to stay up and talk with each of you fine members of society, I've just had a really long trip and what I really need is a nice, relaxing bath. See ya." He gave a slight little wave before doing something absolutely crazy. He spun on his heel and jumped right off the bridge!

            He hit the water with a loud splash, and instantly he felt himself pulled into its depths. It closed around him, dragging him down for just a brief moment before spitting him back up, gasping for air. He was already far down and away from the bridge. He quickly swam for the opposite side, pulling himself up onto flat platform and turning to look at where he'd come. The officers were pointing at him from the bridge, shouting curse words. He stood up and made a nice little wave. And though he was smiling, he knew he was in trouble. He was soaking wet, somewhere in a city he's never been to before, with no one he knows and to top it all off, he's now a criminal. This was already turning into a great day...



Author's Note

All reviews are welcome ^^

Reviews

[Victorious]

Dear MachinaWriter,

In this paragraph, Ry'us hurriedly found his way to the exit and the moment he stepped through into the streets he could barely hold back his amazement. The homes here were huge..." I felt that this paragraph could be broken down and made active by making the setting move while also progressing the story. For example, "Automobiles lined the streets in dozens while more drove by. He needed to explore this city more." Ry'us could be walking near the road where he saw shiny cars that caught his eyes, or he looked through or admired the strange houses. Make it like how you have it here in this paragraph, "He had no real direction as he wandered through the city. He walked until there were no more stores, only houses. He walked until he passed a park and then he took a sharp turn and started moving in the opposite direction. Now there were more homes, all of them closer together and slightly smaller, but no less nice then the ones he'd seen earlier. For hours he must have walked. Occasionally people stared at him as he passed, but no one said anything to the tall fiery haired youth wandering the streets."

I have the impression Ry'us has been to the city before and if so, you should point out things he may have missed and what makes the things he missed stand out because at first he sounded like he had never been to the city when he looks at it with amazement. He said, "He needed to explore this city more." So he's been there before.

Another thing, try to add another reason why Ry'us would want to find his parents to make his situation more unique like how you did Aeryn who went looking for medicine. I like Ry'us and would like to see him unfold in the story. Is he really just that curious or does he need something?

Other than that, though, I thought the plot moved along just fine. Was he seriously in trouble or did the police just not like him, I wonder. And who was that kid? I like it when the chapter ends with a "what now moment?" it makes the reader wonder what is going to happen next.

Sincerely Victorious

God bless

[MachinaWriter]

Yeah, I didn't describe the city as well in the beginning with Ry'us, probably out of an excitement I had to get to the other side of the city, which is described in the next part of his story. Why the police treat him the way they do, who the kid is, and the other questions get answered in the upcoming parts of his story. I'll definitely go back and add more detail on his impressions of the city in the next draft, because that is a pretty weak, inactive description. Thank you for pointing that out. I'm eager to see your thoughts on the next part of his story, which is where I think I get a little more in swing with his character.