Chapter 1: beginnings.

Among other things, Gill Abner’s bedroom had one window and one loose floorboard. Behind the window, there were trees. In Leavenworth Washington, trees were easy to find. Gill's house happened to sit with it's back to a small forest. Gill liked to walk through it, late at night, wandering aimlessly. He would stumble through the undergrowth counting trees until he lost his nerve and turned back home. His record was 110. Gill mostly did this when he was upset, feeling reckless, or in tonight's case, running away. This was when the floorboard came in. There were three things to be seen underneath it: dust, a flag, and a screwdriver. On January 20th, 2019, Gill took everything but the dust. He shoved the flag into his backpack, along with as many clothes and food as could fit. Not bothering to replace the floorboard, he opened the window and pried back the screen with the screwdriver. He hitched his backpack up, climbed out, and set off into the woods. Gill had thought about running away before, had even packed a bag identical to the one he currently carried on his back. What always stopped him was the question of where he would go. But now it didn’t seem to matter. He dismissed that question, along with many others, with “I’ll cross that bridge when I get to it.” And indeed he would. Just a different bridge. A lot of bridges, in fact, and not the regular type. But this was before all of that. Gill stumbled through the trees, blissfully unaware of the future, but still terrified. More than once, he thought he saw movement out of the corner of his eye, in a darker black than the forest surrounding him. Later you will say, “It was a Shadow Person that Gill saw. One of the Shadowfolk, there to watch fate unravel.” You will be wrong. The shapes in the darkness were purely imaginary, but they urged the fourteen year old forwards, forcing tears of fear to his eyes and his pace to a jog that gradually gained momentum.

Author's Note

This is only the first paragraph of a way longer chapter, judge accordingly please. Feedback is very welcome!

Reviews

[PaintedBirdy]

really interesting plot! my only suggestion is to write in all past tense. i think i seen one or two lines that are present tense... also, this would be great if you added subtext. if you haven't learned subtext yet, i like the book The Art of Subtext by Charles Baxter. it's a pretty cool book for authors. short too. subtext is like adding sentences that seem meaningless but build the plot from behind, like brainwashing the reader haha! it's not too hard to learn and it's fun!

as a guy that wandered around a lot with just a backpack, i think this character seems pretty cool. i never "ran away", i just had the money to travel and did it alone. best thing i ever i did! he seems pretty cool and crafty. play up his cleverness! it makes him more interesting.

i think it might be better if shadow folk were one word: shadowfolk. "...there to watch fate unravel." i like the idea that they're watching. kinda creepy, bro!

keep writing! you show a ton of potential with this!

[Mar]

wow thanks for commenting I didn't expect anyone to notice me! You're right, there are some funny things going on with tense here. Also, come to think of it, there actually is some subtext going on here (obviously I'm not going to tell you what b/c that would ruin it). I might add more though, along with a bit more character.

[PaintedBirdy]

i noticed some subtext, that's why i suggested to add some more. of course, subtext isn't obvious until the plot is revealed. keep writing! let me know when you add more!

[Mar]

Yep! I already did some editing. I'll let you know :)