Rock Bottom... and Then Some

I hit rock bottom and then I kept finding a way to make the hole deeper.

I owe people money right now. I promised them I would have it for them by tomorrow morning. On top of that, I have bills piling up outside of the people that I owe money to.

This habit of mine where I enjoy stuffing cocaine up my nose is causing me problems.

I keep looking to outside sources for help. I look to Brett to hold me accountable. I look to my family to bail me out and loan me 20 dollars here, 100 dollars there, 250 dollars here, 400 dollars there. I owe my Auntie Sharon 250 dollars. I owe my Grandma at least 400 dollars. I owe Clayton 250 dollars. I owe Brett 750 dollars. I owe Ash 1650 dollars.

It never really mattered to me when I took loans from family. They love me and I can pay them back in due time. It's a completely different story with Brett and Ash though. Brett I could get away with not paying in time as much, he's lenient. He was, at first anyways. The more that I hang out with him the more that i encourage and develop his leadership qualities and he's using those qualities to discuss issues with me that he sees in me. I need it, and I'm intimidated by it, but it's bringing to light the issue at hand.

I owe people money.

I have these habits of spending money like it's nothing because I don't think twice about the consequences of my actions. My ability to step back and analyze how the money is being spent is not there.

In terms of the gym, and my ability to emotionally communicate with people, I think it's at a level that's respectable.

I'm unconsciously competent in my communication skills.

When it comes to my ability to gain and maintain wealth, while balancing out a buisness - friend social circle, my ability is underdevelopled and needs to be worked on. I want to put more focus into making money while maintaining a solid social circle full of people who bring me up, and people who I can inspire and be a leader too.

I am in a hole, I think it's necessary that I be here though.

When I was younger I had the same habits that I do now and I'm happy they're being exposed in all of their naked truth. I owe people money and I can't keep financially committing to things and people when I have so many financial commitments already.

Let's look at the MONEY OWED, the MONEY INCOMING, and the POTENTIAL INVESTMENTS, and the POTENTIAL LOSSES.

Money Owed As of May 15:

250 life insurance

500 car

120 Savings

250 clay

250 sharon

250 nanny

1650 ash

700 brett

500 car insurance

==

3920 dollars OWED 

Sources of Income as of May 15:

50 standard

150 standard

250 standard

200 tfsa 

150 iphone

200 cash in hand

=

1000 dollars INCOMING and TOTAL CASH

Potential Investments:

+400 (double from fish)

+ 350 (double from b)

=

1750 dollars POTENTIAL for SOURCES OF INCOME plus POTENTIAL INVESTMENTS

Potential Losses:

-400 (sniff the fish)

- 350 (sniff b)

= 

1000 dollars POTENTIAL LOSSES from POTENTIAL plus SOURCES OF INCOME totalled

It was hard to do that. To admit that I fucked up and come clean about my thoughts to someone else other than myself. 

Just went to Seans house and had a talk about my thoughts. Got to sort out what I was thinking to someone else. He listened without judgement and gave me valuable feedback.

I told him that I felt fucked. I felt like I had dug myself a hole too hard to get out of. I told him that I sniffed my profits away and that I owe people money. He asked me how my clients are going. I told him that it's hard to be the coach who feels powerless, because I'm the one that owes him money.

He advised that I sit down with Brett and Ash and have a conversation with both of them. Tell them that I respect both of them which is why I want to pay both of them back. Ask them how we can work out some sort of agreement so they both get their money back.

It's hard to coach Ash right now because he has the power. He has me by the balls, and I can't be the assertive coach that I need to be, because he has me.

I need to feel that sense of empowerment in order to authentically give it to others.

The reason that I started competing is that it gave ma consistent reason to stay in the best shape ever. Training for the next competition meant that I would have to be on top of my diet, eating the right kind of food all of the time, sticking to my workouts and going hard every day, not taking any time off to rest and slack off.

The reason that I want to coach is I want to give the gift of my motivation to others -- because this is a power that I know I possess. How can I motivate another when I am unmotivated though?

I need to get back to basics. Getting up every morning and motivating myself to be better. It's going to be easier with people around me. Now that I have a network of people who love me and care about me no matter what, getting up and getting on my grind is going to be a simpler task.

I compete because I want to get better and I want to push myself to the next level. I coach because I want to help others and empower them to be their best selves.

I want to become a pro without coaching. I want to win my pro card without any outside coaching. I want to win my pro-card self made, self motivated, and then give others the magic formula to get there. I'll give them the mindset it takes to be a champion, the things I learned by falling flat on my face time and time again, how breathtaking rock bottom really is, how I overcame all obstacles, how I came on top a champion, a professional fitness model, a successful business owner, an genuine friend with a big heart to anyone who knows him, a financially well-off individual who makes a substantial amount of money and shares the wealth with people around him.

I want to make more money, and I want to spend less money on things that take value from my life. I want to earn more money by doing what I love and reaping the rewards of hard work over time. I want to earn money by hustling and providing people with what they want and need. I want to earn money and be the recipient of large sums of money. I believe that I have been coming from a place of scarcity and in this moment RIGHT NOW I am making the complete decision to switch my mindset to abundance.

I am abundant in every sense of the word. I am healthy, wealthy and full of love for myself and others.