Always and Always Alone

From some time well before I met my husband

Always and Always Alone

I am alone… 

always and always alone…

On the street they pass me by…

Hand in hand, their love carries them on…

Past pain, past desire, blind to my lonely way.

I am alone…

Always and always alone…

With friends in a café…

Their chatter and laughter I share…

And note in my heart the lovers nearby.

I am alone…

always and always alone…

A show to watch and entertain…

Two lovers all obstacles o’ercome…

To end in life or death, united by love’s embrace.

I am alone…

Always and always alone…

With him, holding hands…

Time spent together and shared…

Yet still, alone and lonely he makes me.

I am alone…

Always and always alone…

He moves on, leaves me behind…

Betrayal and heartache again my portion…

Still life moves on, rolls over, grinds on.

I am alone…

always and always alone…

by D. Denise Dianaty

Reviews

[Linda Marie Van Tassell]

This poem reeks of quiet desperation. The most poignant lines for me are, "With him, holding hands ... Time spent together and shared ... Yet still, alone and lonely he makes me." The repetition of, "I am alone ... always and always alone." is heartbreaking. The spaces in between are pooling with tears.

[MomzillaNC]

Thank you so much. Yes, this poem is of a repeating pattern with me throughout adolescence and early adulthood. Full disclosure: It was also party of the dichotomy of my kinships.

[Einstein Noodle]

there is a gentle beauty in this pain as i read your poem ... someone who has mostly accepted the aloneness ... but not quite ;)
my wife and mother of our children died at a very young age .. i remember a certain part of my journey through that loss .. seeing young couple in love .. walking hand in hand .. oblivious to the knowledge that none of it is promised to anyone ... for any length of time .. it wasn't there fault, of course .. just my way of weeping ... i actually enjoyed reading this .. there is acceptance in it :) nice to see you posting Mom!
E.

[MomzillaNC]

I'm glad you found meaning of your own in my poem. That's what's so wonderful about poetry -- it's soul song and often interpretive in the way readers receive it.

[Einstein Noodle]

yes indeed .. so true .. best of the day to ya!

[MomzillaNC]

😎 👍🏻

[The Rock And Roll Cowbo..]

what a heartbreaking poem. If we feel alone when with a loved one there is smoothng amiss in the relationship.

[MomzillaNC]

Exactly. That was a repeating problem in some of my prior relationships, not just with romantic connections, but with kin too. Maybe the dichotomy with my kin is why I kept repeating that pattern in romantic relationships.

[willweb]

This was sad and truly a lonely poem. I do like the line that speaks of your friends on the cafe...there is a good group of people here. I really enjoyed your poem and I am happy to read your notes as well to learn these feelings of lonliness are from some time ago.

[MomzillaNC]

Thanks.

Y'know, when I posted this, I didn't realize that could be taken as referring to the members of WC. And, yes, I have encountered some wonderful and supportive people here. But the café in this poem refers to actually sitting in a physical café with friends, rather than this virtual setting. This poem was actually written many years ago, back in the days of my bad old life where my heart no longer dwells, as you saw. I've been very blessed to have lived these last 23 years of joy. This poem is about 30 years old, I think.

[willweb]

Well, it looks good for its age. :)

[MomzillaNC]

Thank you. Wish I could say the same about me! :D

But, my hubby still looks at me and thinks I'm beautiful; his are the only eyes that matter.

[willweb]

That's right.......seems there are two lucky ladies floating around here. :)

[MomzillaNC]

I know just how lucky I am!

[therisa]

Momzilla, I can feel the pain of loneliness, which you describe, in this poem. Am so glad, you found your soul mate, even if, it took you, a few more years. Sadly, too many people can relate to poem, as I am, one of them.

[MomzillaNC]

There's a lot of loneliness and sadness in the world. Much of the sadness could be alleviated by even the most casual kindness.

[therisa]

Some times, even that is rejected, by the person, on the receiving end.

[MomzillaNC]

It does go both ways…