Untitled.

Untitled.

A Poem by Monstrositee
"

Incomplete. I suppose it's a poem. It rhymes, kind of. The syllables, however, are not very uniform. It needs work, and I am always open to criticisms, constructive or not.

"
Though an army may encamp at my gates,
Throwing their weight against my weakened walls,
In this, my final hour, I will proudly accept this fate.
Wounded, disarmed, and alone, I stand fearless and tall.

The mask of a warrior covers a face broken in defeat,
And will stay, unmoved, as I wait out this bitter finale.
When all of my company turned on me in retreat,
I stood firm to suffer the spoils of my own great folly.

When I broke this kingdoms walls, I felt no regret,
And when I built them back up, I knew their purpose.
They alone stood between us and death,
And now, I will pay in blood for their service.

© 2012 Monstrositee


Author's Note

Monstrositee
Incomplete.
I suppose it's a poem. It rhymes, kind of. The syllables, however, are not very uniform.
It needs work, and I am always open to criticisms, constructive or not.

My Review

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Featured Review

I like the theme and how most of the poem rhymes. :) My favorite part happens to be the last couple of lines: "When I broke this kingdoms walls, I felt no regret, And when i built them back up, I knew their purpose. They alone stood between us and death, And now, i will pay in blood for their service." Those lines alone hold greater meaning throughout the other lines of the poem for me to be honest. I like it.

Posted 12 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

Sod the syllables. At least in my opinion.

I think you hit your stride with the first two lines of your last stanza, I wish you'd kept writing, I felt like you were about to break into something vast and stopped short of it. Your narrative voice seems really natural, all good stuff.

Posted 12 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

I like the theme and how most of the poem rhymes. :) My favorite part happens to be the last couple of lines: "When I broke this kingdoms walls, I felt no regret, And when i built them back up, I knew their purpose. They alone stood between us and death, And now, i will pay in blood for their service." Those lines alone hold greater meaning throughout the other lines of the poem for me to be honest. I like it.

Posted 12 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Thanks :)

Posted 12 Years Ago


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..
like & enjoyed the flow and rhyme scheme.
Amazing writing skills

Posted 12 Years Ago


nice work

Posted 12 Years Ago



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382 Views
5 Reviews
Rating
Added on February 27, 2012
Last Updated on February 27, 2012
Tags: kingdoms, fall, the final siege, empires of ruin, blood, broken walls, warrior, defeat, other loosely relevant words and

Author

Monstrositee
Monstrositee

Lansdale, PA



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"I'm so defensive that I actually work to make people dislike me so I won't feel bad when they do." I am not unique. I need not think. I am just like you, and you are like me. Though some may hide.. more..

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