And Yet, I Still Love You

Really, it's just me trying to express my feelings about my sister the only healthy way I know how to.

You disappoint me.

Your stupidity revolts me.

Your blatant disregard for others feelings disgusts me.

And yet, I still love you.

Why? Because you are my sister. 

My family.

You once told me that you don’t want to turn into our mother,

And yet, I see you becoming more and more like her each day.

How many times will you have to be arrested,

How many times will you have your children taken away before you realize,

That you desperately need to change your ways.

You may not think I do, but I can see how much you hurt.

I know I didn’t have it even half as bad as you did,

But that doesn’t mean I can’t see that pain reflected in your eyes.

You need help.

Why won’t you seek help?

Sometimes, I wonder if you act so distant with me because I remind you of the past.

Sometimes, I wonder if you even like me at all.

Sometimes, I wonder what it would have been like if I hadn’t been taken away.

Mostly, I just wonder if you will ever change.

Do you know, really know that I love you?

Do you know that I care about you so much?

Do you even care?

Do you love me back?

Do you care about anything at all?

I know I haven’t been in your life much.

And that I don’t remember what it was like before.

I’m sorry that I don’t remember the things you used to do for me.

Maybe if I remembered, you would like me better.

Maybe if I remembered, you would actually see me as your sister.

I care about you and it breaks my heart

To see you killing yourself.

To see you ruining any chance of getting your life together.

It kills me to have to hold all of these things inside

Because I don’t know if you even want to be near me,

Let alone listen to the things I have to say.

It kills me to see my sister,

My own flesh and blood in jail.

To hear why you were arrested,

It made me shiver in fear.

It made me want to cry out in pain.

Do you know just how big of a disappointment this was?

I really thought you were on the track to getting your act together.

I truly thought you were going to get better.

But instead, you just got worse.

And now, you’re in jail. 

Just to put those words down on paper brings a tear to my eye.

You may not be used to someone caring that much,

But I can’t help it.

I can’t help but feel crushed by this news.

I can’t help but feel you will never change.

And that’s the part that hurts the most.

Knowing you could change if you wanted,

But just choosing not to.

How can you sit idly by and watch your world crumble away to nothing?

How can I make you see how much pain you cause me?

I wish you could only see how much I love you.

Maybe then you’d want to change..

Author's Note

It's nothing special. Just my emotions turned into words..

Reviews

[Ufi Auttorri ~ UfoAutho..]

It is painfully honest and sincere. It needed to be written and shared. If for no other reason than to permit the collective "we" to subsume a small portion of your anguish, frustration and confusion.

The flowers in a garden do not all bloom at the same time.

[Ronn Michael Salinas]

would you do a favor and show this to her?

[Thomas Fitzgerald]

strangley anticipated and concisely delivered, well done

[SoulCrusader (Yas)]

Excellent poem..sisterly love hey...ca be great..love it :)

[Kenneth The Poet]

Stirring stuff.

[Coyote Poetry]

I lost four brothers. Three died because of foolishness. Drug and booze. Prison and no place to go. I understand the poem. You want to help. Some people are hard to assist. They have found a bad path and won't get off it. I like the positive ending. Best thing you can do is be kind and try to help if you can. Thank you for a excellent story and poem.
Coyote

[Dahlia Phoenix]

The love of a sister is unconditional. We feel the connection and boundaries along with the anger when one makes these mistakes. It runs through the blood and this poem expresses that clearly. I don't know how angry one can be but to watch one's sibling going down the road of perdition is devastating. Great poem.

[Margarette]

This is an embodiment of a person's pure love to her sister. I can see where this is going because it had reminded me of my own self. Not that I have a sister in jail but sometimes the selflessness I did for her becomes wasted and I don't even know if she knew I did it for her. I like how this poem affects people's lives and be reminded of their own. Very interesting!

[Chris Taylor]

I disagree.....this IS something special. The very raw emotion is this piece is so evocative that it almost made me squirt a "man tear". I felt every note of your caring and pain for the sister in this poem. A very good work. I love the simple way you wrote it, it seemed like it was a heated scream or, the way someone's blood comes rushing to their face when they are moved, or passionate about a subject. Nice work.

[Alewis]

THIS WRITE WAS REALLY EMOTIONAL I LIKE HOW YOU PUT YOUR FEELINGS INTO WORDS GREAT JOB