the honorable knight

the honorable knight

A Chapter by joshua deathdealer
"

11/2011 (Fantasy Installment Three)

"
He walked among the horrific battlefield,
taking in sights of body strewn stretches
as far as the eye could see, a war in the 
name of some decree from some greedy king
His brothers called to him, ready to celebrate 
another victory, to mull through the spoils 
of conquest, taking from the helpless and the weak,
to humiliate and rob them of mere possessions
Shaking his head, the knight silently strode away
from the massacre, making his way into the
quiet forest, the order was not being followed,
carnage now the corrupter of honor and chivalry  
Screams sounded close by, upon investigation
he could see a belligerent solider of the
crown dragging a vulnerable dame into the 
thicket to have his way with her
Rushing in, he knocked the assailant off of her
and pulled his sword, snickering the crazed 
man stood pulling his own, lifting it high, he charged
at the steady savior, intent on cutting him down
The honorable knight side stepped and stabbed 
his opponent through the chest, sinking the hilt
all the way through before tearing it out, the
deranged man dropped lifelessly to the foliage 
Looking around the victor could see the forms 
of his once so called brothers creeping toward him, 
in response he raised a long forgotten battle cry, 
"We are knights of the order, honor is our life"  


© 2011 joshua deathdealer


Author's Note

joshua deathdealer
I think honor and integrity are becoming a thing of the past. How different this world would be if we had some men to stand up for what is right. Just a thought concerning the moral of this story. Thanks for the reviews and support..xx

My Review

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Featured Review

^_^ another fantasy poem, if we share nothing else we definitely have the same admiration for vivid imaginative works that derive from the Fantasy genre.
As for honor and integrity becoming something at the brink of extinction, I'd would just have to say it isn't televised that much, so it's pretty much left for the free-thinking people to carry it on :p

Now as for the poem, I love the classic battlefield style... gives me a sense of watching Braveheart all over again lol. It's got some nice imagery points that were really much better towards stanza 4 and on. Some extension on terminology could've been used I find, though even though a basic one was kept thoughout, it never affected the tone. The overall moral and theme of the story was fantastic, and it's waved like a banner of strength at the end of the poem.
Now to be a bit constructive: I don't know if you heard of this before, but one thing that really works especially in the type of poetry you're writing here is "Kennings". look it up when you have the chance. It's a type of technique that's very similar to metaphors but it's pretty much basically a phrase which represents an alternative name for something else. I've expressed concern similar to this in another poem of yours that was about an arrogant mage, forgive me if I seem repetitive, but simply trying to help you. it's just simple care free advice so feel free to pick it up with a grain of salt I guess...
Also, the beat/rhythm was a bit off here compared to your other poems (specifically stanza 2, and I suspect it because of comma placements). Everyone has their days though... it can be a little troubling at times to keep a good steady vibe throughout even I find. Also, there's a bit of an error in line 4 of stanza 3 with "corrupter"... perhaps you meant: "corrupter of" or "corrupting"... simple grammar error, no worries :p
Overall, 94/100, awesome work bro. Enjoyed it. Keep on spitting on this awesome work yo. You gettin more beast at dis everyday, got the next Tolkien coming up on our hands lol

Posted 7 Years Ago


2 of 2 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

this is a very important poem bringing back a long forgotten code. great write.

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

The world could definitely use more of this. This is really good. Another wonderful, well written piece.

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Another great story. I'm really enjoying these. You have quite a talent. One suggestion I have is in this line, "Screams sounded close by, upon investigation-" I believe the comma there should be a period.

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

I really really like this one. Great job

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

What more can I say.. EXCELLENT!

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

I absolutely fell in love with this!

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Soldiers in war are a different breed. No enemies and we assist each other. I don't remember a real fight in my time in the service in war time. Peace time. Soldiers do get edgy and will fight. I like this story. No honor in killing. Maybe honor in surviving. To go home with heart and mind in tact. Thank you for a outstanding poem. Made me think again.
Coyote

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Amazing! =) Love this

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

I like these writes...magical in every way...

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Oh! man its a Masterpiece..... Awesome... :-)

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.


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Added on November 19, 2011
Last Updated on December 8, 2011
Tags: fantasy, conviction, metaphoric, honor, moral


Author

joshua deathdealer
joshua deathdealer

Casket City, FL



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"My trepidation of things past is not a song with a beginning, middle and end. But an endless symphony playing infinite variations on the same theme. One day of sadness fades into another and the .. more..

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A Poem by joshua deathdealer



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