And Yet, I Still Love You

Really, it's just me trying to express my feelings about my sister the only healthy way I know how to.

You disappoint me.

Your stupidity revolts me.

Your blatant disregard for others feelings disgusts me.

And yet, I still love you.

Why? Because you are my sister. 

My family.

You once told me that you don’t want to turn into our mother,

And yet, I see you becoming more and more like her each day.

How many times will you have to be arrested,

How many times will you have your children taken away before you realize,

That you desperately need to change your ways.

You may not think I do, but I can see how much you hurt.

I know I didn’t have it even half as bad as you did,

But that doesn’t mean I can’t see that pain reflected in your eyes.

You need help.

Why won’t you seek help?

Sometimes, I wonder if you act so distant with me because I remind you of the past.

Sometimes, I wonder if you even like me at all.

Sometimes, I wonder what it would have been like if I hadn’t been taken away.

Mostly, I just wonder if you will ever change.

Do you know, really know that I love you?

Do you know that I care about you so much?

Do you even care?

Do you love me back?

Do you care about anything at all?

I know I haven’t been in your life much.

And that I don’t remember what it was like before.

I’m sorry that I don’t remember the things you used to do for me.

Maybe if I remembered, you would like me better.

Maybe if I remembered, you would actually see me as your sister.

I care about you and it breaks my heart

To see you killing yourself.

To see you ruining any chance of getting your life together.

It kills me to have to hold all of these things inside

Because I don’t know if you even want to be near me,

Let alone listen to the things I have to say.

It kills me to see my sister,

My own flesh and blood in jail.

To hear why you were arrested,

It made me shiver in fear.

It made me want to cry out in pain.

Do you know just how big of a disappointment this was?

I really thought you were on the track to getting your act together.

I truly thought you were going to get better.

But instead, you just got worse.

And now, you’re in jail. 

Just to put those words down on paper brings a tear to my eye.

You may not be used to someone caring that much,

But I can’t help it.

I can’t help but feel crushed by this news.

I can’t help but feel you will never change.

And that’s the part that hurts the most.

Knowing you could change if you wanted,

But just choosing not to.

How can you sit idly by and watch your world crumble away to nothing?

How can I make you see how much pain you cause me?

I wish you could only see how much I love you.

Maybe then you’d want to change..

Author's Note

It's nothing special. Just my emotions turned into words..

Reviews

[Ufi Auttorri ~ UfoAutho..]

It is painfully honest and sincere. It needed to be written and shared. If for no other reason than to permit the collective "we" to subsume a small portion of your anguish, frustration and confusion.

The flowers in a garden do not all bloom at the same time.

[Teri B]

A sad and painful write...

[Bridget Murphy]

I see your point, my sister is dating a jerk, and shes broke and failing school, so I really love this poem. Thank you for writing it I'll be sure to read more!!!:)

[EMF]

My sister put my house on the market the day my father died. She thought she should own it. So I do have empathy with this poem. Ignoring the ideas behind it though, it is exceptionally well written. You handle the wordplay like an expert and convey both love, frustration and anger with just a few words or sentences. A spectacular piece. The one thing that shines through though is love. Brilliant work

[?]

Real emotions, make this wonderful
And you vent so well, lol
great piece

[Dream Weaver]

I think this is special because you vent real emotions
which to me makes the write that much more credible.
Altough very sad, a beautiful write indeed...

[Jack Isaac]

gasp! at first glance i thought this was a letter from my X, but then it said Sister, and i breathed a sigh of relief. I had some issues with my family that I need not mention because it's all here in this poem. And very good writing I must say! The structure and appearance is inviting even though you are angry, so the reader really feels good about knowing why.

[Dove]

I love this poem. Im one of the people who love their family no matter what. Even if in my poems I say I hate someone its not true because I can never hate someone. You wrote this poem beautifully.

[Shy Girl]

My brother and I never really got along as children. (nothing like your experiences though) He and I reached some sort of changing point and I wish I could change all the hated words I said to him as a child. We are closer now then I think we ever were. But we live states away from each other. You obviously love your sister, want to help her, but can't find the right way without making yourself vulnerable. You make a very nice piece of work. Started with extreme hatred and tried to understand, and at the ending needing to help her.

This was very nicely depicted and I do hope she realizes how much you hurt because of her caluousness. :)

[Effector Prime]

just this one piece opens a window into the writer in you to the world around you. i love my sister too. at times i just despise her. but the love the relationship the blood keeps us together. but i hate her. i love her but i just hate her so much. i want to be by her side all my life but i dont want to come any close to my grave than being millions of miles away. thats how hurt i am by her words. but i love my sister. my darling sister. this poem is just so well written and describes your emotions (right?) and relates very much to mine..

[MetBySunlight]

I love this (: In my opinion, poetry has to be, in most ways, the writer's emotions. To write about something you don't care about means nothing to the reader. But, if you turn your emotions into words, on paper, the reader can relate, can feel. You've done this so well (: