Zen Gardens and The Lazy Boy Recliner

Explaining how you feel to a Psychiatrist. It's kind of like an Inner Monologue/story/spoken word poem.

I enter a well organized room

with positive posters and quotes 

plastered everywhere on the walls

and a lazy boy recliner I was told to take a seat in

As I sit down and face the direction of the door I came in

The doctor who brought me into the room is

sitting across from me behind a desk

full of Zen Gardens and overflowing paperwork

He introduces himself and begins to ask me a series of questions

to better understand me and the way I've been feeling

He fixes his glasses from sliding down his nose and

asks me to describe how I feel in detail

I take a deep breath

and start

Well the way I feel is an

oscillation between the impossibly empty and the impossibly full

For example.

Imagine an empty pool in winter.

Just an empty bowl of dusty blue tiles.

Imagine standing in the middle of that.

When suddenly the pool fills up.

In an instant you're drowning.

A big switch going off in an invisible instant.

ADHD brings out my mean streak, something shocking

ADHD is like a Terminator vision that highlights

the chinks in everyone's armor.

My outbursts always turn into a looping

internal monologue of personal recrimination and self hatred.

Every decision is retroactively punished.

It's a mirage illness.

You feel like someone without fingerprints.

You have no identity, in reality you are someone

without a sense of self.
Sometimes I feel like a snake shedding infinite skin.

It sends you into spirals of self doubt and hatred.

It makes you feel like a tangled slinky,

forever bumping inelegantly down a flight of stairs.

You know something within you is twisted

The combination of feeling absolutely nothing

while flinching at everything.

Doesn't make for a whole lot of fun

Silence takes over the room and I clear my throat

and tell him that is all I have to say

He looks me in the eyes and tells me they have the "perfect"

treatment plan and ill start next week, and in time

i'll feel better and happier.

I stand up off the lazy boy recliner and walk past the

Zen gardens and positive posters and throughout the door I came in

We say goodbye and that we will see each other soon.

You know something within you is twisted

and even when you're told what,

you're left wondering why.

Reviews

[HadesRising]

Very nicely written. Well Done.