The Memories of a Mad Man and his Third Son Chapter 2

My Father's mental illness was never really explain in any exact terms and him leaving the family was just with just  with a few  sentences , he didn't want to work or do anything and he didn't want to take his medications. The fact he didn't want to work was always surprising, for a man who worked all his life to be a american and live the american dream and went to college , to stop working at the age of 35 was like if he had lost all hope in himself.

I always want to be like him, the powerful man i believe him to be but to never have seen or understanding the fact that in my childhood he never was never away from home, made more powerful the feelings of abandonment and lost when speaking of my father in therapy. The feeling that a man i admired in my childhood, was man of many insecurities and possibly feeling of inadequacy similar to mine was a hard pill to shallow. I always thought i'll never be like my father but i was my father in every sense. The strength of my father abandonment had shape me more then possibly of him living with the family in my mind.  The pain and agony of my youth was nothing more then being the son of a mad man.