P 4. Acquiescence

Janet finally comes to terms with the painful truth. Nothing on earth would turn the wheels of time... not even a quick bargaining...........

4. Acquiescence

“God in heaven, may the soul of your dear child, Janet, rest in peace, and grant her son and all her loved ones, the courage and strength to bear the loss. Death reminds us that we live in a fallen, imperfect world… we are reminded of mankind’s failings, flaws, and limitations..........”

..The priest droned on........

More splashes of water…….holy water. Janet gasped as dodged the heavy spray, shielding her eyes from the bright sunshine that bathed her mound .......

“Amen”. The crowd mumbled in unison, as they made the sign of the cross.

It was an impressive crowd. There was John, James, Sarah and the kids, her cousins and their family…Of course, her poor mom couldn’t make it to the cemetry. She just hoped that she was all right. June must be with her of course, as always. There was Meera, Liz, Varsha … and many of her friends and colleagues. Yes, and some neighbours, and many who she really wasn’t familiar with, all trying hard to get a final peep at her (?). Pulling up her bare feet, she sat gracefully tugging at the hem of her gown.

….On a hill far away stood an old rugged cross
The emblem of suffering and shame…….

The sacred hymn echoed in the churchyard. She leaped up and stood by John, singing along with him,…...

…How I love that old cross where the dearest and best
For a world of lost sinners was slain

So I'll cherish the old rugged cross
Till my trophies at last I lay down
I will cling to the old rugged cross
And exchange it some day for a crown……

……..her heart felt light …… after a prolonged period of sheer torture….

People moved about placing lighted candles and burning incense sticks on the mound. More roses were laid around her feet. The mound?..... whose? She swallowed hard. Hers of course! She held back a sob, a hard lump forming in her throat...

Then came the cake and wine…and was passed around. Strange, she’d always felt the ritual pretty awkward. “Some kind of celebration huh?” Sshe remembered passing a remark at another funeral. Now, it was her turn….

“Wow, nice necklace and matching bangles! They are new, right? You are one damn lucky one to have a husband who showers you with such goods!” Reena sighed as she weighed the chain in her hands and feasted her eyes appreciatively on the bangles.”

Raji spluttered over her wine, “More than me he’s crazy about bringing in lots and lots of gold. Says we got to save enough booty for dowry of our two daughters (sigh!).”

“Hey nice sari. Must be pretty costly hmm.” Someone cooed, “Tell me where did you get it”.

“Aw, I really don’t know. If I remember right it was gifted by my sis-in-law”. Raji said helplessly.

‘But mama, I selected this sari for you!” The little one said indignantly tugging at her elbow.

“Sshhhh.! That was another one” Raji succeeded in quietening the girl.

Janet smiled. True to her feminine nature, Raji wasn’t the one to let out her little secret, and have her ‘find’ duplicated.

“Ha ha ha ha ha! And then what happened?” Two men were shaking with laughter.

“Shhhh……maintain some sobriety please. This is no place for merry making”. An elderly woman chided the men, who instantly lapsed into silence.

“Ah yes, she eloped. You are right about Radha, yes yes Rajesh and Seema’s daughter.” An audible gasp shot up from the small group.

“…and now?”

“Now what. She called up from Mumbai saying that they are fine and that she’ll soon find a job. Now the parents have booked their tickets for Mumbai.”

“Oh God….the travails of being a parent!”….

The graveyard had a festive look. Gone were the deliberately created mournful façade. There was a lot of laughter and chatter around, and more cake and more wine. Children ran about playing ‘catch’ behind the grave stones, while the adults stood around catching up on the latest happenings in the city, and some updating themselves on the latest gossip in the circle…

It was time she put an end to her mourning too. Well, if she was dead, that was it. She’d dived in and out of enough and more of wishful thinking. It was now time to come out of the protracted shock and denial. The pain and guilt lingered. But that too had to be gotten over with, once and for all.

John looked composed and in control. She was thankful to the good lord for letting her be around till the time he took charge of his life and was no longer dependent on her. In a quick flashback she reviewed the good times they had spent together and silently sent a prayer upwards for supporting her in her difficult times. So now it was departure time. No, it was past the departure time. She looked about, dry eyed…

The crowd had thinned out considerably, leaving behind just her near relatives, who also were leaving.

Oh dear! Her darling son in tears! She slid close to him and patted him on his back. “Hush dear, don’t you worry. Mama’s with you always as I’ve told you. Think of the good times we had, and the trying times too.” She guffawed. “Like I always used to preach, ‘take it all with a pinch of salt and move on’. That’s life. Don’t tell me that you’ve forgotten it all. Remember, the past is dead and gone and you are the future. So go ahead and take on life by the horns. Mama’s right behind you, son….”.

James was by his side. “John, take it easy. Your mama should see you happy. We are all with you”.

Suddenly John stood up as if rejuvenated. “Yes, mama will always be with me, I know”. James led him away.

*********

“Was it the black currant really? It used to be her favourite. They say death was sudden. Awful indeed!”

“That’s unlikely. Black currant has more medicinal properties and hardly any harmful effect. It’s left to be seen. They’ve taken the remains of the ice cream for forensic study. Another theory is that she might have had a silent heart attack”.

She listened intently to the heated talks making the rounds. They were talking about her…..her death. Hmm, so that was it. Her craze for ice creams……

“It had been such a great evening”. Fedora, her niece recounted the events of ‘the day’, “and aunty was the naughtiest, drenching us in water, with every wave that came in. We were splashing about and screaming away. It was such fun. Everything was fine, until the black currant ice cream. She took more than half of it and suddenly rolled her eyes and collapsed on the table…..”

“Then..?”

“We laughed, taking it as one of her dramatic gimmicks. I whispered into her ear, “aunty, this is not home. Get up”

“Ohh!”

“When she wouldn’t get up, I poked her, and she slumped on the floor”

“Omigosh!”

“I was terrified, and so was Dad, who was till then taking it easy. We pulled her up. The waiters also came rushing in”

“Did she open her eyes then?”

“No”

“…Breathe?”

“One of the customers felt her pulse and said that he couldn’t get any. Then we panicked. John was shouting and yelling, but she didn’t respond. He got the car and we quickly rushed her to the Holy Spirit hospital, which was nearest. The doctors were nice. But they said that …she was……….no more …sob!”

“Hush, easy…..easy dear”.

************

Janet sat there in a trance. At last the mystery of the ‘black currant ice creams- and after’ had been unveiled. Why had she then failed to recall it?... Post-mortem amnesia? She broke into a wry smile...

So apparently her obsession for black currant had done her in. She sat under the tree… wishing again… “God, is it possible……I’ll give up ice creams for ever?” Oh dear! She blushed with embarrassment at the ‘post mortem bargaining’ that she was making with her creator……..!

***********

“No, I don’t want a ‘proper gravestone and carvings’ etc.”

“Son, that’s the least you could do for your departed mom. After all a nice and proper gravestone will be a statuesque….”

“Mama hated any dramatizing handicraft by the grave, and I feel the same. That money, I shall donate to the needy.”

“Gasp…!!......But the sand mound will flatten out, and the wooden cross will wear out…. Son, don’t you want to pay homage to the departed soul of your mom, particularly on special days, like the ‘All saints day’ etc and whenever you want to be with her?”

“Let it be. Just let her rest in peace. My mama will live in my heart… always, regardless of any special day. So please leave me alone.” John was resolute about that.

“Preposterous indeed!”, the ‘faithful’ elders rolled their eyes and maintained a stiff upper lip.

***********

The crowd began thinning out. John got up to leave, his eyes turning misty. Janet glided with lightning speed, in time to catch the tear drops in her outstretched hands. John looked on amazed seeing his tears disappear into thin air.

“Go my darling child. Mama is happy here. And God bless you in all that you do…..”, She kissed the glistening tears.

She watched as he strolled out of the gates, her heart swelling with pride. Atta boy! He did stand by his principles. Silently and with tears of joy, she walked back to her mound.

Seated there, she scanned the graveyard. The place bore a deserted look, with the disposable plates n cups and spoons strewn around. Only if they had gathered it all in one place. She wondered if the Swachh Bharat campaign of the Modi government extended to the land of the dead also………

Hmm…. Time for the curtain-fall. Her eyelids felt heavy....

**********

Waking from a short nap, she looked around. It was dusk and the birds chirped with frenzy.

“So this is where I belong.” she mused, “But for how long? Lets see. Where’s Sheila, the only person I know?

She glided about, twisting between the gravestones, reading the inscriptions. The gravestones ranged from an opulent display of wealth and splendour at one end, with intricate carvings on granite and marble stone and long rambling epitaphs in great flourishes... down to plain sand mounds with just a wooden plank at the other end. Some had nothing on it and the mound had somewhat flattened out. She came to the far corner of the graveyard with a little cross almost falling off, and an inscription. It read -

“Sheila Jacob, 03 July 1989- 30 March 2015”

“Sheila!....Sheila….!”, she called out aloud.

The leaves on the trees rustled in the breeze, a dog barked far away and an ambulance screeched past. Exhausted she sat by the cross as the sun set behind the high wall.

“Boooooooooooo….!” She jumped with fear.

Sheila rocked and swayed with laughter. “There, I scared you, like a real ghost! .....and oh boy! I am one, just as you are!!

Janet smiled with the new found identity. “Where were you? I called out to you everywhere.”

“There, in the trees.” Sheila pointed to a neem tree near the chapel.

“Oh, but why not in your grave?”

“Yeach! It reeks with the decomposing body. Who’d like to be anywhere near?” She frowned hard.

“Oh yeah, you are right. I was in fact about to go there. Didn’t give it a thought.”

“I didn’t either, when I came here first, and know what, I almost screamed with fright looking at my own disfigured and mutilated body, as the worms fed on it. And I came out gasping for fresh air!”

“Hmm… I’m glad I met you. Thanks Sheila.”

“Janet, what happened? Why do you look sad all of a sudden?”

“Well”, She sniffed, “To think that my precious body is down there, being eaten away. I remember the numerous cosmetics I’d always used, to maintain perfection, and the variety of dresses I used to pick and choose for myself. And now……..!”

“Aw c’mon, all that’s material stuff. I’m sure you are educated enough to understand.”

“Hmm… “for dust thou art, and unto dust shalt thou return. And what remains is the soul….”

“Yes dear, let’s rejoice that we are happy souls.”

“That’s funny. Do you mean, there are sad souls too?”

“Yes of course. I’ve met all kinds in my one month stay here. But I must say they are all good at heart. Oh dear! I mean figuratively.” She laughed merrily. “Now go take some rest. You must be exhausted after your 7^th day celebration huh?”

“Oh was that the 7^th day? I just remember waking up from my grave (ugh!) only yesterday.”

“I know. You were awfully troubled. Took you some time, to get over the denial and to accept the facts…”

Janet smiled ruefully, recalling the wishful dreams she’d spun in those 6 days, sleeping over her grave. She wondered where Arun was, and whether he was aware of her untimely demise. Would he have taken it well? Did he miss her?

***********

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