Basic Man! And adventures thereby with!

A very silly 1 page story.

He walked briskly down the end of the hall. There was smoke and fire everywhere. The acrid stench filled into his entire being. He didn't have the care to cough and wheeze. The hotel was burning down to a crisp and he was on the 96th floor. What s****y luck.

Everybody knows you don't go to the 96th floor.

Basic man picked up the pace, racing past burning doors slightly ajar, past the suspicious jar of pickles on the counter. He started to jog, turned a corner, but didn't trip. He mumbled to himself a little something like this, " Bloody piss. I guess I shouldn't have set that man on fire. Too late now".

He got to the elevator when he noticed he was being pursued by a very disgruntled moose mascot. Basic man got out his switchblade and held it at chin length. The moose mascot charged with its head bowed low, ready to kill. He was also on fire.

" Have at thee and such! " Cried basic man. The foam antlers bashed into his chest and they crumpled to the floor. Basic man swiped and lunged with his blade but it just bounced off the impenetrable moose foaming.

" Damn and things! " he cried as he pulled out a hardcover copy of a compilation of Poems. He swung fiercely at Moose Mascot Man Thing and smashed him in the arm. The book caught fire. Then basic man caught fire. Then the elevator dinged and the door slid open ever so slowly.

Inside the elevator was a scruffy looking man pouring his soul into his bongos. The rhythm was pretty good.

" Hey man, c'mon in! " the bongo man said. They did. Basic man caught on fire by the way. He looked at his rival, the moose mascot and in turn was looked at in return and such. The moose man started tapping his foot.

" oh ho-ho! Snap! " said bongo man, " He's one with the music now man! ".
"Shite", was all Basic man could muster. The moose mascot thing man guy put on a slick pair of shades and started snapping his over-sized costume fingers, somehow ( we don't question ).

basic man screamed out in pain and fell to one knee. This was bad, but it's okay, Basic man is our protagonist and already gains a +1 to story convenience skill.

Basic man had to think fast. He stared hard at bongos man, then at Moosey Mascotty thing man guy Thing costume person, and stared back at bongos man.

"Hit it, my good man!" said basic man to bongo man. Bongo man replied with "Alright man!".

A loud burst of mambo music burst outta the bongo man, and the doors of the elevator opened up to reveal an entire orchestra. Basic man was jammin' now. Moosey mascot overheated costume rival man person covered in durable foam man was knocked into the wall. He burst into flames and his demonic soul escaped and cried and fizzled out like a cheap 70s effect.

" Good job man! " said bongos man to Basic man who replied " thanks man! "

Basic man didn't have time to celebrate for he was only down to the 34th floor. He waved goodbye to bongos man who had his duty to fill the elevator with lovely music. He dashed down the halls and made a left turn. He heard a strange noise. A strange noise which sounded like some sort of humming. Only it was loud. and not humming at all but roaring. Revving? yes it was definitely revving.

A rally car burst in through the window in a special slow motion filter with all the glass flying everywhere all cool and ripples and stuff, you know? yeahhhh awesome.

Basic man was offended greatly by this rude intrusion. He grunted and grabbed a hold of the front bumper. With all his basic strength he tossed and spun and threw and chucked and hurled the rally car back out into the window.

" Hey, I've got an idea! " he exclaimed with righteousness. He then proceeded to jump out the window, because he was sure he would never make it to the ground floor. He started running up the side of the building, rows of windows beneath his basic feet. He dashed upwards and up, into the clouds, back into open sky. When he got to the top he leapt up and grabbed the ledge of the helipad. He hoisted himself up.

Epic hero music started to play as he casually brushed himself off and walked up the helicopter. His business suit gleaming in the flaming wreckage of the roof, he opened the door and hot wired the whirlybird. He started the engine and the heli took flight, in which he basically proceeded to fly off into the distance.

" And that's why they call me Basic man, cause i can basically do anything! ha ha! " and with his catchphrase so epically uttered, he flew away to his next adventure. THE END shut up.

Author's Note

ignore all the obvious issues. This was an excercise in free-writing. Enjoy lol.