The Downward Spiral of Adam Keir | Chapter 18

As Adam awoke, he felt a hand laid on his chest. His first thought in his grogginess was that it was Larisa. So, thankful that he was safe at home and in his own bed, he turned over without opening his eyes and moved closer to her. There was a sweet smell lingering in the air�"some sort of perfume�"but he was too comfortable to register what it was. For the first time in a while, he’d woken up in a good mood, and though he couldn’t remember why, he wasn’t about to waste it. No, he was going to snuggle with his wife and sleep in for a few more minutes before she got up to get ready for work. But even despite his determination, something about the way Larisa smelled bothered him.
            Her hair smells sweet, like . . .
            Like pansies.
            His eyes shot open. Sure enough, the first thing he saw was the platinum blond mop of silky hair belonging to Evangeline. And though he wanted to throw her away�"or himself, off of the bed�" . . . he didn’t. Instead, he stared down at her face and thought,
            She’s even prettier when she’s asleep.
            Piece by piece, memories of the prior night floated back into his mind. As they did, he realized that they’d never drift away from him again. He’d remember that night for the rest of his life. Those few hours with Evangeline were, to his inner dread, better than any of his moments with Larisa. Better than his wedding night, even, though for a moment he didn’t want to admit that to himself.
            Oh, who am I kidding? I’m probably in love with this girl, as crazy and stupid as that might be. Does it matter that I’ve only known her for a few weeks when I feel like I’ve known her my whole life? What’s the point in fighting her anymore if I’ve already given in to her once?
            The pain came for Adam in waves. At first, he was happy to accept his fate. But then thoughts of Larisa washed over him. What would she think? Hell, what would Jesse think?
            God, I’m a terrible husband . . .
            Larisa wasn’t much better as a wife, but at least she hadn’t cheated on him for someone only just out of their teenage years . . . he hoped. He couldn’t help but feel like, out of the two of them, he’d made the worse offense. She’d even accused him of cheating, and what’d he do in response? Cheat! He wanted to believe that he’d done it out of spite, but he knew that he hadn’t. He’d done it because he wanted to.
            Evangeline’s purple eyes drifted open, and when she saw Adam looking at her, she smiled.
            “Good morning, Adam,” she crooned, happy as a clam. It wasn’t until he grimaced and sat up that she noticed his turmoil. Using the blanket to cover her naked body, she sat up with him and put a hand on his back. “What’s wrong?”
            “Everything,” he grumbled under his breath. “Everything’s wrong.” How had things worked out in Evangeline’s favor, even after how hard he struggled to resist her?
            Because she was there for me in a time of need . . . She knew I would be vulnerable, and she pounced on that opportunity.
            The girl laid her head on his shoulder, a loving action that did little to comfort him.
            “You’re wrong,” she insisted. “Everything’s perfect. You just can’t see it yet.”
            Was everything perfect? Were he and Evangeline really meant for one another? If they were, he didn’t see why she had to be so much younger than him, or why they’d met so late in his life. If things were perfect as she said, they didn’t feel that way. They felt surreal, and not in a pleasant way. And though it felt like a stupid question, he found himself wondering, is this real life anymore?
            Evangeline’s tiny arms wrapped around him as much as they could, and her hands laid themselves on his bare chest. As she moved in closer, he felt her breasts squash against his back. She snuggled her head into the crook of his shoulder.
            “Evangeline, please.”
            “I’m sorry.” She giggled. “I can’t get enough of your scent. Last night was wonderful. I don’t want to let you go.”
            “I have to go before Larisa files a missing person report for me.”
            “Oh, she can’t do that until tonight. 24 hour rule and all.”
            “You don’t have to wait to report someone missing. Not in real life, anyway.”
            Evangeline ignored him. “Stay a while longer. Please?”
            “I can’t.” Adam did his best to pry the girl off of him, but she wouldn’t budge. So he moved her with him to reach down and grab his clothes from the pile beside the bed.
            “What if I told you I know who your wife is cheating on you with?”
            That question made Adam freeze mid-movement. Taking this as acceptance, Evangeline let go and sat back on the bed. He looked at her, bewildered, and she smirked.
            “Who?” he asked.
            “Stay with me a while longer,” she bribed, “and I’ll tell you.”
            But as much as he wanted to use that as an excuse, he couldn’t bring himself to. Instead, he shook his head and reached down, picking up his briefs before standing to put them on. “I have to go.”
            “Don’t you want to know?” asked the girl, worry in her voice.
            Adam considered that as he pulled on his jeans. Buttoning them, he came to a conclusion, and said, “To be honest, no. I don’t think it matters who she’s cheating on me with.”
            “I’d beg to differ,” she mumbled.
            After tugging his t-shirt on over his head, Adam sat back down and started lacing his boots. Evangeline hugged him again, but he did his best not to react.
            “Please don’t leave,” she pleaded. “Didn’t you enjoy last night?”
            Of course I did, he thought. But he bit his tongue, not wanting to give her the satisfaction of knowing his feelings.
            “You don’t have to go back to her. She doesn’t deserve you, Adam. She only wants you as a backup plan.”
            “She’s my wife,” argued Adam. “It doesn’t matter what she sees me as, as long as I’m a husband to her.”
            “Well, I hardly think a husband would be in love with another woman . . .”
            “If you think insulting my integrity further will make me stay, you’re mistaken, Eve.” He caught himself a bit too late. “I mean, Evangeline.”
            This got a chuckle out of the girl, and she put her hands on his beaded jawline to turn his head toward hers. “It probably shouldn’t,” she said, “but your refusal to admit your love for me only makes me want you more. I suppose you’re my forbidden fruit more than I’m yours.”
            They stared at each other for a moment, Adam scowling and Evangeline grinning. Then Adam gently removed Evangeline’s hands from his face and stood up, grabbing his coat off of the floor as he did. He stood up and started heading for the door, but stopped when Evangeline called out after him,
            “Adam, if you leave, you’ll never see me again.”
            There was a playfulness in her tone that made him think it was a ploy to make him stay. But at the same time, something in his gut told him she meant it. Did he want to go home and apologize to Larisa for last night? Yes, for sure. But did that mean he wanted to forsake Evangeline completely? Of course not. They could still be friends, albeit awkward ones, once she came to her senses and realized that he couldn’t be with her in the way she wanted.
            He looked back at her and said, “I will, sooner or later. We shop at the same grocery store, after all.”
            “If we do cross paths, I’ll ignore you.”
            Something smug came to his mind, so he used it. “You couldn’t do that.”
            “What makes you think that?”
            “Because you love me too much.”
            Evangeline lowered her eyes to the bed sheet, which she scrunched between her narrow fingers. “Never thought you’d admit it . . .” Then she looked back up at him with a determined look on her face. “But I will. I’ll ignore you because I love you. Because if I didn’t, it’d drive me mad.”
            “You’ll come around. Let’s just . . . pretend last night never happened.”
            “I won’t.”
            “I’m going, Evangeline.” He opened the door out of the motel room.
            “So, what? That’s it, then? You’re leaving me, knowing that we’ll never talk again? After what we’ve shared?”
            I see. She’s baiting me, isn’t she? The more she makes these vague threats, the longer I stay.
            “I’ll message you on Twitter.”
            “I won’t be there to read it!”
            “Goodbye, Evangeline.”
            She didn’t argue any further, so Adam took the chance to leave, pulling the door shut behind him. Then he stood in front of it for a few beats, wondering if this was the right choice. He waited for her to rip the door open and stop him . . . but she didn’t. So, concerned and conflicted, he turned and went back into the motel room.
            He was quick to regret that.
            The first thing he noticed was that the pansies and candles were gone. No longer was there an overwhelming perfume scent. All he could smell was the musk of a well-used motel room. The bed was made, but the sheets were wrinkled as if someone had sat on his side of the bed recently. There was no sign of Evangeline.
            Confused, he stepped further into the room.
            “Evangeline?”
            He checked the bathroom, the only place she could have gone. Nothing out of the ordinary in there. Then he whipped around, giving the motel room a frantic double take.
            “Eve?”
            Somehow, she was gone. It was as if . . .
            . . . As if last night never happened.
            The significance of his words and this unexpected outcome triggered a worrying thought: what if he’d imagined it? What if he’d booked this motel room and slept here last night, alone?
            No. No, that’s . . . That’s impossible! She was just here, begging me to stay! How could she be gone?
            He put his hand on his head, trying to figure out some sort of solution. But nothing came to mind. It didn’t make sense. So he gave up.
            Whatever, I can worry about it later. Larisa’s bound to be losing her mind by now.
            With reluctance, he left the motel room. He felt like he should’ve stayed . . . but how was he to know that Evangeline would vanish?

* * *

Because he had no real idea of where he was, it took Adam two hours to get back home. Pulling the car into his own driveway was the most relieving thing he’d done in a while. Never before had the phrase “home, sweet home” popped into his mind out of genuine relief.
            For a long moment, he only sat in the car, lost in thought.
            What on earth happened back there? Evangeline couldn’t have disappeared like that . . . I don’t get it.
            He reached to his pocket for his cellphone, then remembered that he’d left it at home. If he wanted to send a message to Evangeline, he’d have to go inside and face Larisa first.
            In reaching to that pocket, though, his hand grazed across his coat’s, and he felt something hard inside. Curiosity got the better of him, and he reached in. What he pulled out was a silver key with the number “317” engraved on its face. He narrowed his eyes at it in utmost confusion. First the sheet of paper with the motel room’s number, and now a mysterious key. There was no way of telling what it was for, but it looked like a house key. Or a room key, perhaps for an apartment?
            Does this belong to Evangeline? How did it wind up in my coat pocket? Just when I thought things couldn’t make any less sense . . .

* * *

“Where in God’s name did you go?”
            Adam had hardly stepped into the dining room before Larisa was shouting at him. He stopped in the doorway, alarmed but not too much, having expected this. Judging by her position in the room, she’d been pacing before he entered. If he knew her, it was safe to assume that she’d been doing so for at least a few hours.
            “I was worried sick,” she griped.
            “Sorry,” he mumbled as he approached the table and took a seat.
            Larisa huffed and crossed her arms. “Are you okay?”
            “Yeah. Yeah, I’m . . . fine.”
            He watched his wife resume pacing. There were a few beats of silence, the only sound Larisa’s anxious footsteps. Then she said,
            “I’m glad you’re home.”
            “I am too,” murmured Adam. He clasped his hands on his lap. Desperate to speak before nerves got the better of him, he looked up and forced himself to say, “Larisa, I wanted to�"”
            “Yes?” she asked, cutting him off.
            He took a breath. Before speaking again, he noticed that the bouquet from Evangeline was gone, replaced by the previous decorative plant. But he tried not to let the flowers’ disappearance distract him.
            “I’m sorry about last night. I didn’t mean to scare or offend you or anything, I’ve just been . . . stressed out lately.”
            “I’m not sure what you mean.” Larisa looked at him and finally took a seat. “Offend me?”
            “The argument,” he reminded her.
            “What argument?”
            Adam glanced at Larisa. “The . . . The argument. You know. I accused you of, uh . . .”
            His wife shook her head, seeming puzzled but also vaguely amused. “We didn’t argue last night. What are you talking about?”
            Adam’s glance turned into a rigid stare. Her refusal to acknowledge the argument should’ve comforted him, but after the way Evangeline disappeared, it only made him more nervous.
            “What . . . ?”
            “You’ve been acting pretty strange these past few weeks, Adam. Most of the time you stay cooped up in your office. I was willing to look past it, since sometimes you become reclusive. But last night, at almost midnight, you left your office, and . . . well, walked out!” Larisa reached over and placed her hand on his arm.
            “Honey, please,” she said. “Is something wrong? You’ve never been this out of it before. Where did you go all night?”
            Panic seized Adam’s chest, and he pulled his arm away. He started shaking his head. “No, no, I . . . I remember it. We argued last night.”
            “I didn’t see you at all yesterday. You were in your office all day until you got up and left.”
            “Don’t do this to me right now, Larisa. I’m freaking out enough without you telling me that we didn’t argue.”
            “Freaking out about what? What’s wrong?” Her concern was genuine.
            My God. She’s being honest, isn’t she? We really didn’t argue last night. But then why do I remember it so clearly?
            He stood up from his chair and backed toward the doorway, still shaking his head in protest. “I’m going upstairs,” he stammered. “I need to be alone.” To wrap my head around whatever the hell is going on . . .
            “Adam, wait. Let’s talk, please. I can help you!”
            He shook his head again and turned, hurrying upstairs as Larisa called after him. But she didn’t follow, that much he appreciated.
            What else had he experienced that hadn’t happened? He could hope that her denial of the argument was her way of telling him that she forgave him. But if he found out he’d imagined one other thing that he had a vivid recollection of, he worried he might snap for real.
            Once in his office, he went straight to Twitter on his computer. Going to his direct messages, he looked for Evangeline . . . but she wasn’t there.
            “What?” he muttered to himself, anxiety level rising. He skimmed the list of contacts twice over but couldn’t find her. Recalling her Twitter handle, he tried to search it. She didn’t show up. So he went to his profile and changed the URL to Evangeline’s. It showed up as a part of his history, which comforted him somewhat. But then he tried to go to her page.
            “Sorry,” the blue Twitter page read, “that page doesn’t exist!”