They wish I would tell. (Go Unheard part 2)

Please note this part of the poem is NOT true...lol making this clear

Wishing the eyes of hell
Would leave me be
I stab her soul, rip her flesh
Now the monster I fear is me

I’ve taken the screams locked in my head
Bottled them up and drowned them
In the blood of the flesh that once lived
Now turned dead.

Knowing this is wrong
This helps me control my pain
Becoming the Demon from their nightmare
Hearing their pain became my song

I use my old knife to pierce her skin
Calling for help
As I take her out of this world
She yells for her mother
The one that brought her in.

Before I know it
Police break through my door
I find myself telling my cursed god,
“Thank you, my secrets she will tell no more.”

They drag me away, Destined to go to a cell
Where they think their judgment
Would force me to give them information
They wish I would tell

The reason for my crimes they found absurd
Where were they when it happened to me?
The Demons are laughing because even now
I find myself
Hearing my screams go unheard.

Author's Note

I will have the finish soon, tell me what you think . Hope this poem/story plays out well.

Reviews

[LadyNaida]

Wow this is deep. Speechless!

[Calypso]

So, so good. I'm glad you asked me to read this. I love it!

[BloodRED6203]

hmmm its like the tv series CSI and Criminal Minds *giggles* i like it

[Emily Quinn]

nice mixture of emotions throughout, at first you feel for the victim, then you realise there is more reason beneath the surface of the main subject and soon your feelings towards him soften.

[Luna]

Great imagery. I'm not to sure what exactly the speaker is but I think I'll figure it out. It's not your story that's doing that though. I'm just slow. Great write.

[PaperHearts]

Wow, this has really left me speechless! I'm not sure which was more disturbing; the detailed imagery, or the bizarre mentality of the serial killer. Haha, either or, this was a really amazing write. The thoughts and point of view of the killer was really intriguing, and I liked the way you fed the reader with snippets of the backstory, without giving the whole thing away (perhaps you'll write about that Part 3? :P).
~PaperHearts

[Rachel]

An interesting twist. The repeated use of "my screams go unheard" gives a tangible connection between the first and the second. Laughing demons the cause murderous tendencies, raging violence for a prior wrong. I'll be the first to admit that ths particular genre is one of my favorites, but this has gone skyward in the ranks.

...Good job :D

[Lola Nation]

Well, I'll tell you honestly, this isn't necessarily my genre, not that I have one but bloody death poems aren't my favorite. That said, it's got that sickly sweet appeal of the burdened serial killer... I think this could be done with less cliche, I'd strain to get away from phrases like "hearing my screams go unheard" ... I might even expand on what it is the person is not telling ... or give a vague insight and let the reader guess ...

[_////---Elektrik Phanto..]

hell resides within the realm of confusion, and so we hope to seek heaven through understanding, but end up finding hell through irresolvable frustration.