Little Bird

12/1/13 One person can save you from the world, unfortunately, only you can save you from yourself and others lose faith when you lose control. No matter how much you love.

My feathers fall and turn to dust,
My wings burst into perfect wine -
Set alight by this darting tongue,
The brightest roaring flame of mine
That dwindles with your kiss
As magenta does at dawn.

The sparrow in vivacious winter collects brittle branches,
As I plead for yours,
With doubt by futile winds that shook them long ago,
I know,
The persistent hold resistant hope -
Frost is now composing
On the bedding for my hollow nest.

What a solemn place to rest
Little bird,
Beyond the dreams of flightless facades
That burn and yearn
To see afar,
To their crystal castles.
Mine is built with the debris of a sublime dream
The nestling place you leave for me to last a long forever.

Reviews

[pasdepoisson]

I think there's a bit here for every part of the poetic spectrum:

The lyrical side of me loves:
That dwindles with your kiss
As magenta does at dawn.

The bitter side:
Frost is now composing
On the bedding for my hollow nest.

Clever to compose so persuasive a piece for any persuasion.

[Ohhhwillow]

I like to pull in complex and contrasting emotions - in reality this is how we feel at most times, so why condense merely one feeling to a piece? That is my thinking. Anyway, thank you for reading and I'm glad you enjoyed this!

[Luke Rawlings]

I learned the word 'vivacious' today! :P A brilliant piece. Well done :)

[Ohhhwillow]

Such a great word, I'm glad to be influential. :D Thanks man!

[Tai Ryens]

Whether this is giddily dark or morosely cheerful, I can't tell... On one hand you speak of someone who creates a permanent dwelling quarters within your heart.. but on another; it sounds as if these are merely memories existing within the mind and the person involved with the memories is long gone, and you are simply maintaining an apartment for a tenant never to return . . .

[Ohhhwillow]

I suppose it was an attempt to be soothingly melancholy, expressing a feeling of uncertainty and a pinch of hurt, in a calm manor.. Aha, while I suppose this 'little bird' seems to resemble another in particular, I'm afraid it supposed to be more a reflection of the struggle to create a permanent place of safety and comfort, specifically in the arms of the person we love.. Thanks Tai :)

[Tai Ryens]

Always a pleasure to read your pieces ^^

[RainDancer1997]

Great job:) Its very beautiful:) "Beyond the dreams of flightless facades" I like that:)

[Ohhhwillow]

Thanks! :)

[Jack...]

I love the last line, so perfect and fitting. It virtually leaves me breathless. The entire poem is a dance among the faces we see in life and the challenges we face. I really enjoyed this.

[Ohhhwillow]

Thank you! The little things in life often reflect the larger. I suppose I find that's what i find beautiful in life - the significance of overlooked features

[Saumya]

this...........is soooooooooooooooooooooooooo beautiful..!!!!!!!!111 lovd it!!!!1 hats offffffff

[Ken Simm.]

A lovely collection of words that fall together so well and yet tell the story you wish to tell. Each phrase in this write leads evocatively to the rest and takes the reader along its fine wine journey. From the small to the large. Looking up and away from the sparrows existance.

[Ohhhwillow]

Thanks Mr.Simm :)

[worldchanger5]

sweet its beautiful

[Ohhhwillow]

Thank you :)

[Gerald Parker]

The phrase 'vivacious' winter doesn't work - we usually think of winter as dormant. Facades is fine but not flightless. Grammatically sparrow should be sparrows, or put collects. Look at line 6, and check if it makes sense. Nestling or nesting?

[Ohhhwillow]

At what is to stop it from being beyond the norm? I appreciate your conservation of precision - though my aim in obscure true, through abstract ideas. I have changed the "sparrows" part, thanks. Flightless is fine to me, and and nestling reflect far more than a place of residence and so it is appropriate for my intentions

[Ohhhwillow]

*and what

[Gerald Parker]

There is nothing to stop your poetry from being beyond the norm. It will get its admirers. A bit like Abstract art, cubist, dadaist poetry, go for it, ceci n'est pas une pipe, throw buckets of paint at the canvas and call it art. I lurve your phrase 'conservation of expression.' I saw a building the other day with a flightless facade. I thought to myself, 'that building will never fly. I am now going along with ' 'nestling' - it is a outstanding word and deserves its place in history. Perhaps 'vivacious' is a transferred epithet? I'm sure I requested a review from you a few weeks ago.

[Gerald Parker]

There is nothing to stop it from being beyond the norm. Nothing to stop someone calling an unmade bed a piece of art. I wonder if 'vivacious' is a transferred epithet? I'm sure I requested a RR from you some weeks ago

[Ohhhwillow]

I will have a look and be sure to review your work, sorry, I have been very busy

[Ken Simm.]

Once you learn the rules it is up to you how you break them Gerald. I'm afraid you are missing the point as far as abstract and dadaist art is concerned.

[Ohhhwillow]

Thank you for the support I'm glad you understand why I mean!

[Ohhhwillow]

*what

[Baby Ricochet]

You're emotional expression can be really heavy. Like your soul is much older than your body. Maybe reincarnated from a holocaust. Beautiful poem

[Ohhhwillow]

Is it TOO heavy? Thank you for reviewing Baby!

[Baby Ricochet]

I don't think it is. It's as heavy as you want it to be